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Let these funny Pope Francis Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
We must not reduce the bosom of the universal church
to a nest protecting our mediocrity.
- Pope Francis
Not paying a just wage, not giving work,
only because one is looking at the bottom line,
at the budget of the company, seeking only profit -
that is against God.
- Pope Francis
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand 
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead
If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon
The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty
The mind is not a vessel to be filled
but a fire to be kindled.
- Plutarch
Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson
Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde
It's not very heroic to slay dragons.
Dragons are generally very peaceful and well behaved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin
Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein
Do not laugh much or often or unrestrainedly.
- Epictetus
It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.