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Let these funny Blasphemies Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
All great truths begin as blasphemies.
- George Bernard Shaw
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner 
Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married
to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
I am prepared to meet my Maker.
Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal
of meeting me is another matter.
- Winston Churchill
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We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
The time-traveling is just too dangerous.
Better that I devote myself to study
the other great mystery of the universe - women!
- the movie Back to the Future II
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
- John Lennon
New York City is a great monument
to the power of money and greed...
a race for rent.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle.
- Lewis Carroll
People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov
I always seem to get inspiration and renewed vitality
by contact with this great novel land of yours
which sticks up out of the Atlantic.
- Winston Churchill
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives
as much as if we had never married at all.
- Lord Byron
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If (s)he's an apple and you're an orange,
celebrate your differences -
make a great fruit salad.
Love isn't about being the same -
it's about being sweet with each other.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The magic words for a great relationship are,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Silence is a source of great strength.
- Lao Tzu
Where there is great love,
there are always miracles.
- Willa Cather
The essence of life is not in
the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To be one, to be united is a great thing.
But to respect the right to be different is maybe even greater.
- Bono
Dare to dream of your great success.
Become intimate with those things
which deeply motivate you
and regularly work toward
the realization of that mission.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Mostly, it is human to dislike surprises -
often with great intensity.
Be open to new ways;
sometimes newness just knocks on our door;
welcome it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
No crime is so great as daring to excel.
- Winston Churchill
Regrets and resentments cause great suffering but fix nothing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Having a personal opinion is great.
Believing that one's personal opinion is absolute truth
leads to most of the world's troubles.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If a man is called to be a street sweeper,
he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted,
or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts
of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Don't be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.
- John D. Rockefeller
It gives me great pleasure indeed to see the stubbornness
of an incorrigible nonconformist warmly acclaimed.
- Albert Einstein
Dare to dream of your great success.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Great minds discuss ideas;
average minds discuss events;
small minds discuss people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Neither a man nor a crowd nor a nation
can be trusted to act humanely
or to think sanely under the influence of a great fear.
- Bertrand Russell
In great contests, each party claims to act
in accordance with the will of God.
Both may be, and one must be wrong.
- Abraham Lincoln
I long to accomplish a great and noble task,
but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks
as if they were great and noble.
- Helen Keller
I have a great deal of company in the house,
especially in the morning when nobody calls.
- Henry David Thoreau
Life in abundance comes only through great love.
- Elbert Hubbard
Life is a great big canvas,
and you should throw all the paint you can on it.
- Danny Kaye
You're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So... get on your way!
- Dr. Seuss
The great end of life is not knowledge but action.
- Thomas Henry Huxley
A Great Relationship is the Dance of Two Great Lives.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Truly great friends are hard to find,
difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.
- Anonymous
My great concern is not whether you have failed,
but whether you are content with your failure.
- Abraham Lincoln
In times of great stress or adversity,
it's always best to keep busy,
to plow your anger and your energy
into something positive.
- Lee Iacocca
The greatest roadblock to a great relationship
is trying to force a partner to change through bribes or threats.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We are all connected in the great Circle of Life.
- the movie The Lion King
A great part of courage is the courage
of having done the thing before.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The great pleasure in life is doing
what people say you cannot do.
- Walter Bagehot
These are the keys to a great life...
taking oneself lightly, forgiveness, and acceptance.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Love is the great miracle cure.
Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives.
- Louise L. Hay
Toleration and liberty are the foundations of a great republic.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
When you become centered, suddenly there is great freedom
because you know you are not the mind and you are not the body.
- Osho
Great acts are made up of small deeds.
- Lao Tzu
The only good luck many great men ever had was
being born with the ability and determination to overcome bad luck.
- Channing Pollock
Confidence is that feeling by which the mind embarks
in great and honorable courses
with a sure hope and trust in itself.
- Marcus Tullius Cicero
Great talents are the most lovely
and often the most dangerous
fruits on the tree of humanity.
They hang upon the most slender twigs
that are easily snapped off.
- Carl Jung
Govern a great nation as you would cook a small fish.
Do not overdo it.
- Lao Tzu
Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones,
as the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire.
- Francois de la Rochefoucauld
Know that the essence of life is not
in the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It seems that we have it backward in our society.
We tend to look up to people
who are under a great deal of stress,
who can handle loads of stress,
and those who are under a great deal of pressure.
- Richard Carlson
Do the difficult things while they are easy
and do the great things while they are small.
A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
- Lao Tzu
In this life we cannot do great things.
We can only do small things with great love.
- Mother Teresa
The great defense against the air menace
is to attack the enemy's aircraft
as near as possible to their point of departure.
- Winston Churchill
No great man ever complains of want of opportunity.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
He who believes is strong; he who doubts is weak.
Strong convictions precede great actions.
- Louisa May Alcott
All difficult things have
their origin in that which is easy,
and great things in that which is small.
- Lao Tzu
It is a great confidence in a friend
to tell him your faults;
greater to tell him his.
- Benjamin Franklin
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.