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Let these funny Aristocratic Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
We are tired of aristocratic explanations in Harvard words.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
Customs do not concern themselves
with right or wrong or reason.
But they have to be obeyed;
one reasons all around them until he is tired,
but he must not transgress them, it is sternly forbidden.
- Mark Twain
Give me your tired, your poor,
your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.
- written on the Statue of Liberty in New York harbor
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Do not think that love,
in order to be genuine,
has to be extraordinary.
What we need is to love without getting tired.
- Mother Teresa
You either get tired fighting for peace, or you die.
- John Lennon
The health of the eye seems to demand a horizon.
We are never tired, so long as we can see far enough.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
In your days - things like this happen to you...
You get a tap, a nudge, a gentle shake,
and life whispers to you, "I know you're tired -
but I don't want you to miss this."
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Ecstasy is our very nature;
not to be ecstatic is simply unnecessary.
To be ecstatic is natural, spontaneous.
It needs no effort to be ecstatic,
it needs great effort to be miserable.
That's why you look to tired,
because misery is really hard work;
to maintain it is really difficult,
because you are doing something against nature.
- Osho
Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!
- inscribed on the Statue of Liberty in New York harbor
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous
She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin
Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)
Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard
A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett
The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln
If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I
One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus
When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy
In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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