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Funny Customs Quotes
Funny Quotes about Customs

Let these funny Customs Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Customs do not concern themselves
with right or wrong or reason.
But they have to be obeyed;
one reasons all around them until he is tired,
but he must not transgress them, it is sternly forbidden.
- Mark Twain

Laws are sand, customs are rock.
Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped,
but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment.
The penalty may be unfair, unrighteous, illogical, and a cruelty;
no matter, it will be inflicted, just the same.
Certainly, then, there can be but one wise thing
for a visiting stranger to do -
find out what the country's customs are,
and refrain from offending against them.
- Mark Twain

No written law has ever been more binding
than unwritten custom supported by popular opinion.
- Carrie Chapman Catt

We are strange beings, we seem
to go free, but we go in chains -
chains of training, custom, convention,
association, environment -
in a word, Circumstance -
and against these bonds
the strongest of us struggle in vain.
- Mark Twain


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In all of his bestsellers, the Divine has told the truth,
custom-tailored to the comprehension of the times.
- Ernest Holmes

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin


 

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln

I have no fear of the gallows ... They're going to shoot me.
- the movie Love and Death

Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald

And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

Some people are so heavenly minded
that they are no earthly good.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
- Mark Twain

I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Experience keeps a dear school,
but fools will learn in no other.
- Benjamin Franklin

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears,
for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
- Albert Einstein

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde

Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain

It has been my experience that folks who
have no vices, have very few virtues.
- Abraham Lincoln

Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

It is the things for which there is no evidence
that are believed with passion.
- Bertrand Russell

There is no such thing as public opinion.
There is only published opinion.
- Winston Churchill

No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice.
In practice there is.
- Yogi Berra

A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin

I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Computers are like Old Testament gods;
lots of rules and no mercy.
- Joseph Campbell

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain

The way to silence religious disputes is to take no notice of them.
- Thomas Jefferson

There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie

An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde

Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller

If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields

You have no values. With you its all nihilism,
cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden

Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson

No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
- Laurence J. Peter

Random chance seems to have operated in our favor ...
there was no deity involved.
- Spock character in the Star Trek television series

Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little

When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann

Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain

Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance
and hypocritical humility.
I chose the former and have seen no reason to change.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
love leaves a memory no one can steal.
- From a headstone in Ireland

I leave no trace of wings in the air,
but I am glad I have had my flight.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Clouds come floating into my life,
no longer to carry rain or usher storm,
but to add color to my sunset sky.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Mind Chatter...
"I'm too fat; I'm too thin; and my hair is a fright;
And I'm never enough; and my world is not right;
I'm not smart; I'm not cute; I'm not strong; I'm a bust
I earn scorn; I earn hate; I'm no good; I disgust."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If we have no peace,
it is because we have forgotten
that we belong to each other.
- Mother Teresa

No man stands so tall as when he stoops to help a child.
- Anonymous (often attributed to Abraham Lincoln)

A good traveler has no fixed plans,
and is not intent on arriving.
- Lao Tzu


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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