Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain



Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Links | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z

If a man does not make new acquaintances
by Samuel Johnson

If a man does not make new acquaintances
as he advances through life,
he will soon find himself alone.
A man, sir, should keep his friendships in constant repair.
- Samuel Johnson

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
- Samuel Johnson [also attributed to Oscar Wilde]

The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson

The chains of habit are too weak to be felt
until they are too strong to be broken.
- Samuel Johnson


Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

 Subscribe in a reader -- or
Enter your email address:




Delivered by FeedBurner


Great works are performed not by strength,
but by perseverance.
- Samuel Johnson

A wise man will make haste to forgive,
because he knows the true value of time,
and will not suffer it to pass away in unnecessary pain.
- Samuel Johnson

Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings.
- Samuel Johnson


 

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone
who can do him absolutely no good.
- Samuel Johnson

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch

Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh

Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill

A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln

You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau

The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson

An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I

If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar

Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer

If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin

The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln

The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein

The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill

If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard

Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)

We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell

Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde

Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates

I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln

I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor


Thank you for visiting: If a man does not make new acquaintances by Samuel Johnson.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.