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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Second Quotes
Funny Quotes about Second

Let these funny Second Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Always be a first-rate version of yourself,
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
- Judy Garland

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
- Samuel Johnson [also attributed to Oscar Wilde]

Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus


 

In religion and politics, people's belief's and convictions
are in almost every case gotten at second hand,
and without examination
- Mark Twain

One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston

The early bird gets the worm,
but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- Anonymous


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Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin

The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,
but with somebody else.
- Mae West

If we were to do the Second Coming of Christ
in color for a full hour,
there would be a considerable number of stations
which would decline to carry it on the grounds
that a Western or a quiz show would be more profitable.
- Edward R. Murrow

The first man gets the oyster, the second man gets the shell.
- Andrew Carnegie

Shrinking away from death
is something unhealthy and abnormal -
which robs the second half of life of its purpose.
- Carl Jung

Most of us can remember a time when a birthday -
especially if it was one's own -
brightened the world as if a second sun has risen.
- Robert Lynd

My mother worked in factories, worked as a domestic,
worked in a restaurant, always had a second job.
- Ed Bradley

I have always thought of Walt Disney as my second father.
- Annette Funicello

How you respond to the challenge in the second half
will determine what you become after the game,
whether you are a winner or a loser.
- Lou Holtz

I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first,
friends and family second and you third,
we won't ever have an argument.
- Jeff Foxworthy

All truth passes through three stages:
First, it is ridiculed;
Second, it is violently opposed;
Third, it is accepted as self-evident.
- Arthur Schopenhauer

Tradition is like a second-hand store.
It is best to sort carefully
between the treasures and the trash.
See everything with new eyes.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance.
- Harrison Ford

To me, photography is the simultaneous recognition,
in a fraction of a second, of the significance of an event.
- Henri Cartier-Bresson

The second office in the government is honorable and easy;
the first is but a splendid misery.
- Thomas Jefferson

Do first things first, and second things not at all.
- Peter F. Drucker

Marrying an old bachelor is like buying second-hand furniture.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

It is the first law of friendship
that it has to be cultivated.
The second is to be indulgent
when the first law is neglected.
- Voltaire

When you are young and healthy, it never occurs to
you that in a single second your whole life could change.
- Annette Funicello

The most terrible job in warfare is to be a second lieutenant
leading a platoon when you are on the battlefield.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

When you are fitted in a racing car and you race to win,
second or third place is not enough.
- Ayrton Senna

Once you say you're going to settle for second,
that's what happens to you in life.
- John F. Kennedy

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first.
By the second day you're off it.
- Jackie Gleason

In my friend, I find a second self.
- Isabel Norton

Of life's two chief prizes, beauty and truth,
I found the first in a loving heart and the second in a laborer's hand.
- Khalil Gibran

By three methods we may learn wisdom:
First,
by reflection, which is noblest; Second,
by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience,
which is the bitterest.
- Confucius

Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.
- Albert Camus

There are two kinds of companies, those that work to
try to charge more and those that work to charge less.
We will be the second.
- Jeff Bezos

Most people never run far enough on their first wind
to find out they've got a second.
- William James

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy.
First, let her think she's having her own way.
And second, let her have it.
- Lyndon B. Johnson

Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves,
the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love,
and then, for a second time in the history of the world,
man will have discovered fire.
- Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Looking at a sunset, just for a second
you forget your separateness:
you are the sunset.
That is the moment when you feel the beauty of it.
But the moment you say that it is a beautiful sunset,
you are no longer feeling it;
you have come back to your separate,
enclosed entity of the ego.
Now the mind is speaking.
- Osho

The first rule of any technology used in a business
is that automation applied to an efficient operation
will magnify the efficiency.
The second is that automation applied to an inefficient
operation will magnify the inefficiency.
- Bill Gates

I have treated many hundreds of patients.
Among those in the second half of life -
that is to say, over 35 -
there has not been one whose problem in the last resort
was not that of finding a religious outlook on life.
- Carl Jung

I have three precious things which I hold fast and prize.
The first is gentleness;
the second is frugality;
the third is humility, which keeps me from putting myself before others.
Be gentle and you can be bold;
be frugal and you can be generous;
avoid putting yourself before others
and you can become a leader among men.
- Lao Tzu

Wanted has gone into second, third and fourth printings
of the individual issues and the north American printings
of Wanted #1 are now close to 100,000.
- Mark Millar

My second favorite household chore is ironing.
My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
- Erma Bombeck

Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position
of matter at or near the earth's surface relative to other matter;
second,
telling other people to do so.
- Bertrand Russell

First, take the government of the Indians out of politics;
second,
let the laws of the Indians be the same as those of the whites;
third,
give the Indian the ballot.
- George Crook

Force is as pitiless to the man who possesses it,
or thinks he does, as it is to its victims;
the second it crushes,
the first it intoxicates.
The truth is, nobody really possesses it.
- Simone Weil

The first time you marry for love, the second for money,
and the third for companionship.
- Jackie Kennedy

We know that second terms have historically been marred
by hubris and by scandal.
- David R. Gergen

There's a lot of pain in my heart because what I accomplished was second to none.
I'm not losing any sleep, but I do pay attention every year at this time.
- Bob Hayes

We wanted to establish a new fan base over here.
And second, we wanted to challenge ourselves.
We wanted to bring what is ostensibly new music to
fresh ears and see what lights them up.
- Bob Weir

In marriage do thou be wise: prefer the person before money,
virtue before beauty, the mind before the body;
then thou hast a wife,
a friend, a companion, a second self.
- William Penn

If you are first you are first.
If you are second you are nothing.
- Bill Shankly

Animators have to live life 24 times as long as we do -
every 24 frames of a second.
- Darren Aronofsky

I showed that privacy was an implicit right in Jewish law,
probably going back to the second or third century,
when it was elaborated on in a legal way.
- Norman Lamm

Then not only an old man, but also a drunkard,
becomes a second time a child.
- Plato

It seems, in fact, as though the second half of a man's
life is made up of nothing,
but the habits he has accumulated during the first half.
- Fyodor Dostoevsky

The constitution does not provide for first and second class citizens.
- Wendell Willkie

I got nominated for my second film as best young director
in the Aikido Film Festival in Japan.
- Donnie Yen

To be sure a stepmother to a girl is a different thing
to a second wife to a man!
- Elizabeth Gaskell

I found myself serving a sentence of public denial
from the very second the raid on my apartment happened.
- Jock Sturges

The days of humiliation, of second-class citizens and
of inequality are over and gone forever.
- Gerry Adams

The first Matrix genius, the second one,
what's up with the dancing? I haven't even seen the third one.
- Ethan Embry

The sets were fantastic.
The Harry Potter sets are brilliant.
You do get transported for a second.
- Ralph Fiennes

The spectacles of experience; through them you will
see clearly a second time.
- Henrik Ibsen

What have we achieved since the end of the Second World
War? We have allowed petty,
bourgeois regimes in which everything is average,
mediocre.
- Tahar Ben Jelloun

The first glass is for myself, the second for my friends,
the third for good humor, and the forth for my enemies.
- William Temple

Life is the first gift, love is the second,
and understanding the third.
- Marge Piercy

I look at this as a second life.
Every game feels like an event.
Every pitch matters.
I need that.
It elevates your aggressiveness.
- Al Leiter

The Neighbours cast is like a second family.
- Holly Valance


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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