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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Advances Quotes
Funny Quotes about Advances

Let these funny Advances Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Since boredom advances and boredom is the root of all evil,
no wonder, then, that the world goes backwards, that evil spreads.
This can be traced back to the very beginning of the world.
The gods were bored; therefore they created human beings.
- Soren Kierkegaard

If a man does not make new acquaintances
as he advances through life,
he will soon find himself alone.
A man, sir, should keep his friendships in constant repair.
- Samuel Johnson

If one advances confidently
in the direction of his dreams,
and endeavors to live
the life which he has imagined,
he will meet with success
unexpected in common hours.
- Henry David Thoreau

I have learned, that if one advances confidently
in the direction of his dreams,
and endeavors to live the life he has imagined,
he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
- Henry David Thoreau


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If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams,
and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined,
he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary;
new, universal, and more liberal laws
will begin to establish themselves around and within him;
or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favor
in a more liberal sense,
and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings.
- Henry David Thoreau

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself -
nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror
which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Gratitude in advance is the most powerful
creative force in the universe.
- Neale Donald Walsch


 

If we all worked on the assumption that what is accepted as true
were really true, there would be little hope of advance.
- Orville Wright

To raise new questions, new possibilities,
to regard old problems from a new angle,
requires creative imagination and marks real advance in science.
- Albert Einstein

Let our advance worrying become advance thinking and planning.
- Winston Churchill

It is not possible for civilization to
flow backwards while there is youth in the world.
Youth may be headstrong,
but it will advance its allotted length.
- Helen Keller

Your point of view sets you up well in advance
for how you view the events as they unfold.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

However carefully we plan our future,
we are always climbing the steps to nowhere.
While it is important to our happiness
that we have an intent for our lives,
it is equally crucial to accept in advance
that we truly have no idea how our lives will turn out -
and that is good.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you advance confidently in the direction of your dreams
and endeavor to leave the life which you have imagined,
you will you will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
- Henry David Thoreau

I am not an advocate for frequent changes in laws and constitutions,
but laws and institutions must go hand in hand
with the progress of the human mind.
As that becomes more developed, more enlightened,
as new discoveries are made, new truths discovered
and manners and opinions change, with the change of circumstances,
institutions must advance also to keep pace with the times.
- Thomas Jefferson [inscribed in the Jefferson Memorial]

I am sorry to say that there is too much point to the wisecrack
that life is extinct on other planets
because their scientists were more advanced than ours.
- John F. Kennedy

Clarke's Third Law:
Any sufficiently advanced technology
is indistinguishable from magic.
- Arthur C. Clarke

We are just an advanced breed of monkeys
on a minor planet of a very average star.
But we can understand the Universe.
That makes us something very special.
- Stephen Hawking

Time has been transformed, and we have changed;
it has advanced and set us in motion;
it has unveiled its face,
inspiring us with bewilderment and exhilaration.
- Khalil Gibran

The wine of youth does not always
clear with advancing years;
sometimes it grows turbid.
- Carl Jung

From wine what sudden friendship springs.
- John Gay

A loaf of bread, a jug of wine, and you.
- Omar Khayyam
(paraphrase)

Here with a Loaf of Bread beneath the Bough,
A Flask of Wine, a Book of Verse - and Thou
Beside me singing in the Wilderness -
And Wilderness is Paradise enow.
- Omar Khayyam

A new friend is like new wine;
when it has aged you will drink it with pleasure.
- Ecclesiastes 9:10

Spirit is always waiting to rush into us,
but we are too full of worldly things.
It is like trying to pour fine wine into a cup filled with mud -
the wine is waiting, but the mud must be removed first.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Let us celebrate the occasion
with wine and sweet words.
- Plautus

We are born at a given moment, in a given place and,
like vintage years of wine, we have the qualities of the year
and of the season of which we are born.
Astrology does not lay claim to anything more.
- Carl Jung

Go ahead, make my day.
- the movie Sudden Impact (1983)

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

I'm going to go in the bathroom and scream.
I'll be out in a minute.
- the Woody Allen movie What's New Pussycat

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

I have often wanted to drown my troubles,
but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
- Anonymous

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck

The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau

A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson

If you want total security, go to prison.
There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on.
The only thing lacking... is freedom.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

I love deadlines.
I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
- Douglas Adams

When life is like a slippery downhill slope,
go skiing and scream Whee... all the way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Guilt for being rich,
and guilt thinking that perhaps love and peace isn't enough
and you have to go and get shot or something.
- John Lennon

The faster you go, the shorter you are.
- Albert Einstein

I can't go back to yesterday -
because I was a different person then.
- Lewis Carroll

College isn't the place to go for ideas.
- Helen Keller

I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor

Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Persevere. Plan. Strategize. Focus. Breathe. Write.
Let go: relax. Forgive. All this failing: take a nap.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.
- Henry David Thoreau

We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins

Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher

"But I don't want to go among mad people," said Alice.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the cat. "We're all mad here."
- Lewis Carroll

To go against the dominant thinking of your friends,
of most of the people you see every day,
is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.
- Theodore H. White

We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first, rock 'n' roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon

Some cause happiness wherever they go;
others whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde

The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Politics is like football; if you see daylight, go through the hole.
- John F. Kennedy

I don't know which will go first - rock 'n' roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon

Some days just go to Hell faster than others.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Whatever you do, do with kindness.
Whatever you say, say with kindness.
Wherever you go, radiate kindness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Soon we'll be out amid the cold world's strife.
Soon we'll be sliding down the razor blade of life.
But as we go our sordid sep'rate ways,
We shall ne'er forget thee, thou golden college days.
Hearts full of youth,
Hearts full of truth,
Six parts gin to one part vermouth.
- Tom Lehrer - song: Bright College Days,
album: An Evening Wasted With Tom Lehrer

Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink.
I needn't argue with that; I'm right and I will be proved right.
We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first - rock and roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon

How far you can go without destroying from within
what you are trying to defend from without?
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather

The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown

By letting it go it all gets done.
The world is won by those who let it go.
But when you try and try.
The world is beyond the winning.
- Lao Tzu

Sometimes I wonder if we shall ever grow up
in our politics and say definite things which mean something,
or whether we shall always go on using generalities
to which everyone can subscribe, and which mean very little.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.
- Anonymous


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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