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Let these funny Tombstones Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Do not save your loving speeches
For your friends till they are dead;
Do not write them on their tombstones,
Speak them rather now instead.
- Anna Cummins
Each of us is of infinite value,
and each of us has the ability to make
a profound difference in the lives we touch.
We leave our most profoundly positive impact
on those around us by the nature of our lives
and the example we set -
not by how busy we are,
or how important we believe we are.
Setting an example of being loving, relaxed and joyful,
regardless of external circumstances,
is a great legacy for our family and for the world.
Self importance - ego - is not a path to happiness.
Focusing one's whole life on responsibilities,
without taking time for self-renewal and play,
abandons the joy and the true value of life.
I want my tombstone to read, "Inspired others,"
rather than, "Never missed a day at the office."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
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The power of imagination makes us infinite.
- John Muir
Infinite striving to be the best is man's duty;
it is its own reward.
Everything else is in God's hands.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Happiness blooms
in the presence of self-respect
and the absence of ego.
Love yourself.
Love everyone around you.
Love everyone in the whole world.
Know that your own life is of infinite importance,
as is every other life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We are powerless to redesign the world,
but we have infinite power to create our appreciation of it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The River of Life flows eternally,
with infinite strength,
but with no convictions.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I am profoundly grateful that the Powers of Light
have chosen ME to be a conduit for Infinite Love.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There are moments when all anxiety
and stated toil are becalmed
in the infinite leisure and repose of nature.
- Henry David Thoreau
There is One Infinite Mind,
which of necessity includes all that is,
whether it be the intelligence in man,
the life in the animal,
or the invisible Presence which is God.
- Ernest Holmes
We must accept finite disappointment,
but never lose infinite hope.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
I have continuous and unlimited access to the infinite
and eternal energies of Spirit.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake,
not by mechanical aid, but by
an infinite expectation of the dawn.
- Henry David Thoreau
Music fills the infinite between two souls.
- Rabindranath Tagore
I offer my body, my mind
and any ability that I posses,
to be used by Thee, O Infinite Creator,
in whatever way Thou dost choose
to express Thyself through me.
I know that all work is Thy work,
and that no task is too difficult
or too menial when offered
to Thee in loving service.
- Paramahansa Yogananda
The world is a better place because I am here;
the energy that I radiate into this world
is a gift beyond my own understanding.
Through ME, an all encompassing Love enters this world;
and I am profoundly grateful that the Powers of Light
have chosen ME to be a conduit for Infinite Love.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Faith is the great affirmative power that
says "yes" to the infinite goodness of life -
regardless of appearances. We all have within us
the potential for mountain-moving faith,
but we must take the steps necessary to activate it.
- Mary Omwake
The experience of democracy is like
the experience of life itself -
always changing, infinite in its variety,
sometimes turbulent
and all the more valuable
for having been tested by adversity.
- Jimmy Carter
Simply see that you are at the center of the universe,
and accept all things and beings
as parts of your infinite body.
When you perceive that an act done to another
is done to yourself,
you have understood the great truth.
- Lao Tzu
I thank you God for this most amazing day,
for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and for the blue dream of sky
and for everything which is natural,
which is infinite, which is yes.
- e. e. cummings
When we contemplate the whole globe as one great dewdrop,
striped and dotted with continents and islands,
flying through space with other stars
all singing and shining together as one,
the whole universe appears as an infinite storm of beauty.
- John Muir
Surely God would not have created such a being as man,
with an ability to grasp the infinite,
to exist only for a day!
No, no, man was made for immortality.
- Abraham Lincoln
Through Qigong, one learns to quiet the mind
and allow communion with the One.
We call the One "Tao," but you may be more comfortable
with a term like "Holy Spirit," or "God,"
as long as you don't start visualizing
an old man on a throne floating in the sky.
The One is everything, and everything is the One.
Each of us is the One, and the One is inside each of us.
Just remember that it's an infinity thing -
the tiniest bit of infinity is still infinite.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Most people consider the course of events as natural and inevitable.
They little know what radical change are possible through prayer.
Every morning I offer my body, my mind and any ability that I posses,
to be used by Thee, O infinite creator,
in whatever way Thou dost choose to express Thyself through me.
I know that all work is Thy work, and that no task is too difficult
or too menial when offered to Thee in loving service.
- Paramahansa Yogananda
It is not our place to know the mind of God.
Spirit knows what is best in the long run -
best for each of us individually,
and best for humanity as a whole.
This is often very difficult to accept
when we see war and disease in the world
and experience physical and emotional suffering
in ourselves, our family, and our friends.
I consider this belief in God's infinite power
and ultimate wisdom to be the true test of faith.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy
My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years
to have breakfast together,
but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.
- Winston Churchill
The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The will to believe chases out the rational mind,
whenever and wherever the two come into conflict.
- Philip K. Dick
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
Praying is important when you wake up
at two o'clock in the morning
feeling sick from eating something dumb the day before.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Having two bathrooms ruined the capacity to co-operate.
- Margaret Mead
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln
There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather
There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein
Every tomorrow has two handles.
We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety
or the handle of faith.
- Henry Ward Beecher
Sadness is but a wall between two gardens.
- Khalil Gibran
Prejudice is a two-edged sword.
Like the steel sort of sword, it's very sharp, very useful,
and very dangerous if not properly mastered.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Understanding is a two-way street.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated;
you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
- David Lloyd George
Peace and justice are two sides of the same coin.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
There are always two forces warring against each other within us.
- Paramahansa Yogananda
All philosophy lies in two words,
sustain and abstain.
- Epictetus
Two little words that can make the difference: START NOW.
- Mary C. Crowley
Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.
- Aristotle
We have two ears and one mouth so that
we can listen twice as much as we speak.
- Epictetus
You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
- old proverb often attributed to David Lloyd George
A Great Relationship is the Dance of Two Great Lives.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The career of a sage is of two kinds:
He is either honored by all in the world,
Like a flower waving its head,
Or else he disappears into the silent forest.
- Lao Tzu
If there are dreams about a beautiful South Africa,
there are also roads that lead to their goal.
Two of these roads could be named Goodness and Forgiveness.
- Nelson Mandela
A wise man hears one word and understands two.
- Yiddish Proverb
Falling in love and having a relationship
are two different things.
- Keanu Reeves
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.