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Friends Quotes and Sayings
Funny Quotes about Friends

Best Friends: we're a parade - even by ourselves!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Related topics: Friendship Relationship Cute Whimsey

Choose your friends carefully.
Your enemies will choose you.
- Yasser Arafat

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

The best time to make friends is before you need them.
- Ethel Barrymore

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

Your friends love you anyway.
- Dave Barry

Be careful the friends you choose -
for you will become like them.
- W. Clement Stone

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I have lost friends, some by death ...
others by sheer inability to cross the street.
- Virginia Woolf

The best way to keep your friends
is not to give them away.
- Wilson Mizner

Every man should have a fair-sized cemetery
in which to bury the faults of his friends.
- Henry Brooks Adams

Nothing is more cheerful than talking
about our friends' shortcomings.
- Mason Cooley

When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain

Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious
as to have friends at a distance;
they make the latitudes and the longitudes.
- Henry David Thoreau

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

Tell me about a person's family, friends, and community,
and I'll tell you what his opinions are.
- Mark Twain
(paraphrase)

"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
- the movie The Godfather, Part II

An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde

We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton

Heaven must be an awfully dull place
if your best friends end up elsewhere.
- Anonymous

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde

Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
- Lord Chesterfield

Money can't buy friends
but it can get you a better class of enemy.
- Spike Milligan

Friend Quotes and Sayings

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer

The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
- Emo Phillips

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman

The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson

An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck

You only meet your once in a lifetime friend ...
once in a lifetime.
- Little Rascals

My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous

A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson

A true friend stabs you in the front.
- Oscar Wilde

I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono

Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain

Except in cases of necessity, which are rare,
leave your friend to learn
unpleasant things from his enemies;
they are ready enough to tell them.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
- Arabic Proverb and Chinese Proverb

A lifelong friend is someone
you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous

Friendship Quotes and Sayings

It is far better to be alone,
than to be in bad company.
- George Washington

From wine what sudden friendship springs.
- John Gay

The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges

Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
- Anonymous

If you live to be a hundred,
I want to live to be a hundred minus one day,
so I never have to live without you.
- Winnie the Pooh

True friendship's laws are by this rule express'd,
Welcome the coming, speed the parting guest.
- Alexander Pope

Far Quotes and Sayings

It is far more impressive when others
discover your good qualities without your help.
- Judith Martin

The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

In soloing - as in other activities -
it is far easier to start something
than it is to finish it.
- Amelia Earhart

Life is far too important a thing
ever to talk seriously about.
- Oscar Wilde

I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

It is an interesting question how far men
would retain their relative rank
if they were divested of their clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau

So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- George Carlin

As far as I'm concerned, I prefer
silent vice to ostentatious virtue.
- Albert Einstein

As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein

Others Quotes and Sayings

It is well to remember that the
entire population of the universe,
with one trifling exception, is composed of others.
- Andrew J. Holmes

A question that sometimes drives me hazy:
am I or are the others crazy?
- Albert Einstein

It would be insane for me to
lose sleep over the opinions of others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live,
it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
- Oscar Wilde

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