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Let these funny Suicide Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
If I had no sense of humor,
I would long ago have committed suicide.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Anyone who thinks, must think of
the next war as they would of suicide.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
There comes a time in every man's education
when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance,
that imitation is suicide,
that he must take himself for better or for worse as his portion.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
If men can develop weapons that are so terrifying
as to make the thought of global war
include almost a sentence for suicide,
you would think that man's intelligence and his comprehension...
would include also his ability to find a peaceful solution.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
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At what point then is the approach of danger to be expected?
I answer, if it ever reach us, it must spring up amongst us.
It cannot come from abroad. If destruction be our lot,
we must ourselves be its author and finisher.
As a nation of freemen, we must live
through all time, or die by suicide.
- Abraham Lincoln
Life repeats itself mindlessly -
unless you become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel.
That's why Buddhists call it the wheel of life and death,
the wheel of time.
It moves like a wheel: birth is followed by death,
death is followed by birth;
love is followed by hate, hate is followed by love;
success is followed by failure,
failure is followed by success. Just see!
If you can watch just for a few days,
you will see a pattern emerging, a wheel pattern.
One day, a fine morning, you are feeling so good and so happy,
and another day you are so dull,
so dead that you start thinking of committing suicide.
And just the other day you were so full of life,
so blissful that you were feeling thankful to God,
that you were in a mood of deep gratefulness,
and today there is great complaint
and you don't see the point why one should go on living...
And it goes on and on, but you don't see the pattern.
Once you see the pattern, you can get out of it.
- Osho
Ennui has made more gamblers than avarice,
more drunkards than thirst,
and perhaps as many suicides as despair.
- The Buddha
It is wonderful how much time good people spend fighting the devil.
If they would only expend the same
amount of energy loving their fellow men,
the devil would die in his own tracks of ennui.
- Helen Keller
Marriage is a wonderful institution,
but who would want to live in an institution?
- H. L. Mencken
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
Do something wonderful, people may imitate it.
- Albert Schweitzer
Happy Birthday!
Today is YOUR day to Dance Lightly With Life.
Have a wonderful day.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Might I perhaps win my wings?
I've been waiting for over 200 years now, sir,
and people ARE beginning to talk.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)
We live in a wonderful world that is
full of beauty, charm and adventure.
There is no end to the adventures that we can have
if only we seek them with our eyes open.
- Jawaharlal Nehru
I'd rather have thirty minutes of wonderful
than a lifetime of nothing special.
- the movie Steel Magnolias
You have to leave the city of your comfort
and go into the wilderness of your intuition.
What you'll discover will be wonderful.
What you'll discover is yourself.
- Alan Alda
How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment
before starting to improve the world.
- Anne Frank
It is wonderful to have Faith,
but don't confuse trust with being gullible.
Balance trust with conscious thought.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I awakened. is that not a wonderful statement?
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Appreciation is a wonderful thing.
It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.
- Voltaire
Determine never to be idle.
No person will have occasion to complain
of the want of time who never loses any.
It is wonderful how much may be done if we are always doing.
- Thomas Jefferson
Life is lived in the mists -
little is fully visible, less is certain.
Yet rejoice in the unknowing,
and let all of life be a wonderful adventure.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To the lover of wilderness,
Alaska is one of the most wonderful countries in the world.
- John Muir
I say all that happens is wonderful.
- Anais Nin
Not getting what you want
is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
- Dalai Lama
Remember that not getting what you want
is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
Each man's life touches so many other lives.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)
A wonderful gift may not be wrapped as you expect
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Dear Father in heaven, I'm not a praying man,
but if you're up there and you can hear me ...
show me the way... show me the way.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)
The marvelous richness of human experience
would lose something of rewarding joy
if there were no limitations to overcome.
The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful
if there were no dark valleys to traverse.
- Helen Keller
Smile.
Today would be a wonderful day
not to take life so seriously.
Today may end up the way you prefer -
and it may not.
Happiness is not about being a winner -
it's about being gentle with life -
being gentle with yourself.
Let life be a dance,
and choose the kind of
dance you want for today -
perhaps a gentle loving dance.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Today is a unique and special day.
It is unlike any other day you have ever experienced.
If you assume that today is like every other day,
you will never notice today's uniqueness.
If you practice keen awareness, you will get
to savor today's uniquely wonderful qualities.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
God creates out of nothing. Wonderful you say.
Yes, to be sure, but he does what is still more wonderful:
he makes saints out of sinners.
- Soren Kierkegaard
I didn't want to marry anybody else in town.
I want my baby to look like you.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)
Every time you hear a bell ring,
it means that some angel's just got his wings.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)
Plant trees for your great-grandchildren -
for future generations.
Create the legacy of a better world.
Leave this world a better place than you found it.
Literally planting trees for
your great-grandchildren is a wonderful idea,
but far more important...
use this symbolism - this imagery -
to represent the kind of legacy
you want to leave to future generations.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It really does matter when we tell even the slightest untruth.
Even something as well intentioned as
telling someone their ill-finished
hair style looks wonderful will backfire -
certainly karmically, and usually practically.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Great relationships begin with two people who are each
self confident and who come to each other with the openness
to see and accept the other as a unique and wonderful person.
If there is true love and an alignment of fundamental values,
choose to join your life with your new partner
and vow never to criticize their nature -
the essence that makes them uniquely themselves.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It's wonderful to climb the liquid mountains of the sky.
Behind me and before me is God, and I have no fears.
- Helen Keller
It is a wonderful advantage to a man,
in every pursuit or avocation,
to secure an adviser in a sensible woman.
In woman there is at once a subtle delicacy of tact,
and a plain soundness of judgement,
which are rarely combined to an equal degree in man.
A woman, if she be really your friend,
will have a sensitive regard for your character, honor, repute.
She will seldom counsel you to do a shabby thing:
for a woman friend always desires to be proud of you.
- Edward Bulwer-Lytton
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
- Anonymous
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- Henny Youngman
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
The four most important words in any marriage...
"I'll do the dishes."
- Anonymous
There are four stages in a marriage.
First there's the affair,
then the marriage,
then children
and finally the fourth stage,
without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.
- Norman Mailer
I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner
I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
I have often wanted to drown my troubles,
but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
- Anonymous
The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.