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Funny Suicide Quotes
Funny Quotes about Suicide

Let these funny Suicide Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

If I had no sense of humor,
I would long ago have committed suicide.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Suicide is man's way of telling God,
"You can't fire me -
I quit."
- Bill Maher

Anyone who thinks, must think of
the next war as they would of suicide.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

They tell us that suicide is the greatest piece of cowardice...
that suicide is wrong; when it is quite obvious that
there is nothing in the world to which every man has
a more unassailable title than to his own life and person.
- Arthur Schopenhauer


 

There comes a time in every man's education
when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance,
that imitation is suicide,
that he must take himself for better or for worse as his portion.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

If men can develop weapons that are so terrifying
as to make the thought of global war
include almost a sentence for suicide,
you would think that man's intelligence and his comprehension...
would include also his ability to find a peaceful solution.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

At what point then is the approach of danger to be expected?
I answer, if it ever reach us, it must spring up amongst us.
It cannot come from abroad. If destruction be our lot,
we must ourselves be its author and finisher.
As a nation of freemen, we must live
through all time, or die by suicide.
- Abraham Lincoln


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There is but one truly serious philosophical problem and that is suicide.
- Albert Camus

Once you are married, there is nothing left for you,
not even suicide.
- Robert Louis Stevenson

I'm convinced that we can shape a different future
for this country as it relates to mental health and
as it relates to suicide.
- David Satcher

When one realizes that his life is worthless he either
commits suicide or travels.
- Edward Dahlberg

There is no refuge from confession but suicide;
and suicide is confession.
- Daniel Webster

No law can give or take away the choice to commit suicide.
- Maggie Gallagher

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of
suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature,
do not forget that actions speak louder than words.
- Fran Lebowitz

The suicide arrives at the conclusion that what he
is seeking does not exist;
the seeker concludes that what he has not yet looked in the right place.
- Paul Watzlawick

If you don't do it my way, I suggest you commit suicide.
- Josef Albers

Science commits suicide when it adopts a creed.
- Thomas Huxley

Oregon is the only state in the union that facilitates suicide.
- Maggie Gallagher

As anyone who has been close to someone that has committed suicide knows,
there is no other pain like that felt after the incident.
- Peter Greene

She was what we used to call a suicide blonde -
dyed by her own hand.
- Saul Bellow

A lot of people told me that I'm committing musical suicide with my sound.
- Kid Rock

I have always thought the suicide should bump off at
least one swine before taking off for parts unknown.
- Ezra Pound

The way the terrorist is trained to operate,
especially the suicide terrorists, makes punishment
and the threat of punishment far less valuable to those
who would prevent the crime.
- John Ashcroft

It could be my downfall, but I don't think it is -
Hollywood is run on perception,
and if you stray off the path of what you want to do with your career,
it's suicide.
- Charlie Hunnam

I don't persuade to suicide.
- Jack Kevorkian

Guantanamo Bay houses enemy combatants ranging from
terrorist trainers and recruiters to bomb makers,
would-be suicide bombers, and terrorist financiers.
- Chris Chocola

Life is only a long and bitter suicide,
and faith alone can transform this suicide into a sacrifice.
- Franz Liszt

The only difference between suicide and martyrdom is press coverage.
- Chuck Palahniuk

A large part of the problem, is that young people are
being born into the world and growing up without much hope.
And so, they become murderers, they become suicide bombers.
- Arthur Hertzberg

I have said, with respect to authorization bills,
that I do not want the Congress or the country to commit
fiscal suicide on the installment plan.
- Everett Dirksen

The destructive character lives from the feeling,
not that life is worth living, but that suicide is not worth the trouble.
- Walter Benjamin

I was playing with the Aquabats, and then I quit to
join a band called Suicide Machine in Detroit.
- Travis Barker

It is matrimonial suicide to be jealous when you have a really good reason.
- Clare Boothe Luce

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by
inhaling next to an Armenian.
- Woody Allen

Remember, democracy never lasts long.
It soon wastes, exhausts, and murders itself.
There never was a democracy yet that did not commit suicide.
- John Adams

I look upon indolence as a sort of suicide;
for the man is effectually destroyed,
though the appetites of the brute may survive.
- Lord Chesterfield

In the final phase of cocaine intoxication,
when suicide is likely, the victim cannot save himself by an effort of will.
He has lost the power.
- Carroll O'Connor

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
- Phil Donahue

People think that being on Star Trek is career suicide,
but it's really just the opposite.
- Brent Spiner

So smoking is the perfect way to commit suicide without actually dying.
I smoke because it's bad, it's really simple.
- Damien Hirst

Some day science may have the existence of mankind in power,
and the human race can commit suicide by blowing up the world.
- Henry Brooks Adams

We might be on the brink of an apocalypse if,
instead of poor people with suicide bombs killing middle class guys,
middle-class people with suicide bombs started killing rich guys.
- Bruce Sterling

Depression is close to me, but suicide hasn't been.
- Claire Forlani

The woman poet must be either a sexless,
reclusive eccentric, with nothing to say specifically to women,
or a brilliant, tragic, tortured suicide.
- Marilyn Hacker

Life repeats itself mindlessly -
unless you become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel.
That's why Buddhists call it the wheel of life and death,
the wheel of time.
It moves like a wheel: birth is followed by death,
death is followed by birth;
love is followed by hate, hate is followed by love;
success is followed by failure,
failure is followed by success. Just see!
If you can watch just for a few days,
you will see a pattern emerging, a wheel pattern.
One day, a fine morning, you are feeling so good and so happy,
and another day you are so dull,
so dead that you start thinking of committing suicide.
And just the other day you were so full of life,
so blissful that you were feeling thankful to God,
that you were in a mood of deep gratefulness,
and today there is great complaint
and you don't see the point why one should go on living...
And it goes on and on, but you don't see the pattern.
Once you see the pattern, you can get out of it.
- Osho

Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical
marijuana or assisted suicide,
suddenly the "will of the people" goes out the window.
- Bill Maher

Those who want the Government to regulate matters of
the mind and spirit are like men who are so afraid
of being murdered that they commit suicide to avoid assassination.
- Harry S. Truman

They can rule the world while they can persuade us
our pain belongs in some order is death by famine worse than death by suicide,
than a life of famine and suicide...?
- Adrienne Rich

Write something, even if it's just a suicide note.
- Gore Vidal

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Suicide is a choice and I think if we work with that with kids,
we'll get somewhere.
- Peter Lynch

Baghdad is determined to force the Mongols of our age
to commit suicide at its gates.
- Saddam Hussein

Two armies that fight each other is like one large
army that commits suicide.
- Henri Barbusse

If you want your writing to be taken seriously,
don't marry and have kids, and above all,
don't die.
But if you have to die, commit suicide.
They approve of that.
- Ursula K. Le Guin

What makes life worth living? Better surely,
to yield to the stain of suicide blood in me and seek
forgetfulness in the embrace of cold dark death.
- Zane Grey

That's the thing about suicide.
Try as you might to remember how a person lived his life,
you always end up thinking about how he ended it.
- Anderson Cooper

Suicide bombers caused us more than 50 percent of our casualties.
The fence works.
There is a decline in the number of those terrorist
attacks against Israelis.
- Silvan Shalom

I thought: This is not racing, it's a suicide mission.
- Barry Sheene

No one ever committed suicide while reading a good book,
but many have tried while trying to write one.
- Robert Byrne

In advertising, not to be different is virtual suicide.
- Thornton Wilder

It wasn't until '94 when I tried to commit suicide
that I realized that it wasn't about the money.
- Vanilla Ice

Seppuku is Japanese for ritual suicide.
I thought, What a cute name for a coat.
- Lexa Doig

Fame is no sanctuary from the passing of youth...
suicide is much easier and more acceptable in Hollywood
than growing old gracefully.
- Julie Burchill

On our watch, the conversation with a would-be suicide
bomber will not begin with the words,
'You have the right to remain silent.'
- Mitt Romney

Suicide is not a remedy.
- James A. Garfield

Would Hamlet have felt the delicious fascination of
suicide if he hadn't had an audience,
and lines to speak?
- Jean Genet

To run away from trouble is a form of cowardice and,
while it is true that the suicide braves death,
he does it not for some noble object but to escape some ill.
- Aristotle

Allow me to say that I would long since have committed
suicide had desisting made me a professor of Latin.
- Ezra Pound

I think suicide is the most perfect thing you can do in life.
- Damien Hirst

I have a new joke today.
Martha Stewart's on suicide watch.
They had to unplug all of her ovens.
- Rip Taylor

We have many cases of men committing suicide rather
than face their own individuality.
I know of no case of a woman who committed suicide because she was gay.
- George Weinberg

But of course it's always gonna be Suicide,
our fingerprints, ya know? You can't ever get rid of that.
- Alan Vega


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