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Let these funny Ago Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black
Some years ago I became president of Columbia University
and learned within 24 hours to be ready
to speak at the drop of a hat,
and I learned something more, the trustees were expected
to be ready to speak at the passing of the hat.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
If I had no sense of humor,
I would long ago have committed suicide.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Fourscore and seven years ago
our fathers brought forth on this continent,
a new nation, conceived in Liberty,
and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
- Abraham Lincoln
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Nature puts no question and answers none which we mortals ask.
She has long ago taken her resolution.
- Henry David Thoreau
When a man you like switches from what
he said a year ago, or four years ago,
he is a broad-minded person who has courage enough
to change his mind with changing conditions.
When a man you don't like does it,
he is a liar who has broken his promise.
- Franklin Pierce Adams
Do you remember the things you were worrying about a year ago?
Didn't you waste a lot of fruitless energy
on account of most of them?
Didn't most of them turn out all right after all?
- Dale Carnegie
A few minutes ago every tree was excited,
bowing to the roaring storm,
waving, swirling, tossing their branches
in glorious enthusiasm like worship.
But though to the outer ear these trees
are now silent, their songs never cease.
- John Muir
The highest result of education is tolerance.
Long ago men fought and died for their faith;
but it took ages to teach them the other kind of courage, -
the courage to recognize the faiths of their brethren
and their rights of conscience.
- Helen Keller
My diary is a mirror telling the story of a dreamer who,
a long long time ago went through life the way one reads a book.
- Anais Nin
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous
The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb
I can't go back to yesterday -
because I was a different person then.
- Lewis Carroll
Tell me about a person's family, friends, and community,
and I'll tell you what his opinions are.
- Mark Twain
(paraphrase)
Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin
Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin
Credit is a system whereby a person who can't pay
gets another person who can't pay
to guarantee that he can pay.
- Charles Dickens
What would be the use of immortality to a person
who cannot use well a half an hour.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
And you, Sonja, you look more beautiful
standing here than you do in person.
- the movie Love and Death (1975)
A person who never made a mistake
never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person.
Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
- Oscar Wilde
Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis
Love is when the other person's happiness
is more important than your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Resenting someone, or hating someone, ensures that
you can never emotionally escape that person.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It hurts to love someone
and not be loved in return,
but what is more painful is to love
someone and never find the courage
to let that person know how you feel.
- Anonymous
The shoe that fits one person pinches another;
there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.
- Carl Jung
The person who you're with most in life is yourself
and if you don't like yourself,
you're always with somebody you don't like.
- Marc S. Lewis
A competent and self-confident person is
incapable of jealousy in anything.
Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.
- Robert A. Heinlein
It takes a long while for a naturally trustful person
to reconcile himself to the idea that
after all God will not help him
- H. L. Mencken
Truth is absolute, but only to one person.
My truth is absolute to me, and your truth is absolute to you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor
If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient.
It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Good for who? Good for what?
There is no absolute "good."
"Good" is simply one person's preference.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody,
I think that is a much greater hunger,
a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.
- Mother Teresa
The moment a person forms a theory,
his imagination sees in every object
only the traits which favor that theory.
- Thomas Jefferson
We are afraid to care too much, for fear
that the other person does not care at all.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Resenting someone is a way of never leaving that person.
- Kare Anderson
A person who trusts no one can't be trusted.
- Jerome Blattner
We know what a person thinks not when he tells us
what he thinks, but by his actions.
- Isaac Bashevis Singe
If one does not understand a person,
one tends to regard him as a fool.
- Carl Jung
A person isn't who they are during
the last conversation you had with them -
they're who they've been
throughout your whole relationship.
- Rainer Maria Rilke
The most pathetic person in the world
is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
- Helen Keller
No person was ever honored for what he received.
Honor has been the reward for what he gave.
- Calvin Coolidge
An unclean person is universally a slothful one.
- Henry David Thoreau
Jealousy is that pain which a man feels
from the apprehension that he is not equally beloved
by the person whom he entirely loves.
- Joseph Addison
There is an optical illusion about every person we meet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Never say goodbye when you still want to try,
never give up when you still feel you can't take it.
Never say you don't love the person anymore
when you can't let go.
- Anonymous
It was high counsel that I once heard given to a young person,
"Always do what you are afraid to do."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The choice is to work alone to be a little
more successful than the next person,
or to work together for the great betterment of humanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
What is the appropriate behavior for a man or a woman
in the midst of this world,
where each person is clinging to his piece of debris?
What's the proper salutation between people
as they pass each other in this flood?
- The Buddha
Every time you smile at someone,
it is an action of love,
a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.
- Mother Teresa
The final forming of a person's character
lies in their own hands.
- Anne Frank
Books are the greatest gift one person can give another.
- Bono
What is necessary to change a person is
to change his awareness of himself.
- Abraham Maslow
Reading about nature is fine, but if a person
walks in the woods and listens carefully,
he can learn more than what is in books,
for they speak with the voice of God.
- George Washington Carver
Nothing can be more abhorrent to democracy
than to imprison a person
or keep him in prison because he is unpopular.
This is really the test of civilization.
- Winston Churchill
To the world you may be one person,
but to one person you may be the world.
- Anonymous (attributed to Bill Wilson, Brandi Snyder and others)
If I choose to bless another person,
I will always end up feeling more blessed.
- Marianne Williamson
Never allow a person to tell you NO
who doesn't have the power to say YES.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
The difference between a successful person and others
is not a lack of strength,
not a lack of knowledge,
but rather a lack of will.
- Vince Lombardi
The envious person grows lean
with the fatness of their neighbor.
- Socrates
See God in every person, place, and thing,
and all will be well in your world.
- Louise L. Hay
True love means putting the other person before yourself,
and honoring the relationship above all.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A person who is nice to you,
but rude to the waiter,
is not a nice person.
- Dave Barry
I have never met an aggressive person
who wasn't a fearful person.
- John Bradshaw
A person without a sense of humor
is like a wagon without springs.
It's jolted by every pebble on the road.
- Henry Ward Beecher
It is more dangerous that even
a guilty person should be punished
without the forms of law
than that he should escape.
- Thomas Jefferson
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.