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Let these funny Resolving Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Every day is a good day to make a resolution
for beginning a new way of living,
but the New Year's Day holiday provides a good focus
for reviewing our lives and resolving
to live each day with conscious attention.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I was only the servant of my country and had I, at any moment,
failed to express her unflinching resolve to fight and conquer,
I should at once have been rightly cast aside.
- Winston Churchill
True courage is not the brutal force of vulgar heroes,
but the firm resolve of virtue and reason.
- Alfred North Whitehead
Your success and happiness lies in you.
Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you
shall form an invincible host against difficulties.
- Helen Keller
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Resolve to keep happy, and your joy
and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.
- Helen Keller
We must teach our children to resolve
their conflicts with words, not weapons.
- William J. Clinton
Before you can forgive others,
you must be a person whose forgiveness matters.
Before you can have gratitude for your life,
you must believe that your life has value.
Before your choices have value,
you must feel that you yourself have value.
Before you can dream a great dream for your future,
you have to believe that your future matters.
Before you can build positive habits of resolve and commitment,
before you can begin to live into the Japanese proverb,
"Fall seven times, stand up eight,"
you must believe that your life matters.
Before you can celebrate your life, you must Honor it.
And, before you can feel unity with,
and Honor toward, Spirit and all creation,
you must Honor yourself to feel worthy of that unity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Only he can take great resolves who has
indomitable faith in God and has fear of God.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
If you have an emotional reaction in the presence of someone,
your heart is telling you that you have
not resolved your issues with them.
In other words, you have not truly forgiven that person.
All of this begs the question, how do we forgive?
First, cease lying to yourself and stop telling yourself stories
about why you behave the way you do.
Stop blaming your behavior on other people
and take responsibility for your emotional reactions.
If you could forgive all the people in your life
who have hurt or wounded you
it would be possible to be in control of your behavior
instead of being in reaction to other people all of the time.
Imagine living life without experiencing
a constant emotional roller-coaster of pain, anger, and jealousy!
That would be bliss!
- Sheri Rosenthal
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks
Of all the things that could frighten you,
you worry about my driving?
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.