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Funny Pig Quotes
Funny Quotes about Pig

Let these funny Pig Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton

Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain

I am firm; YOU are obstinate; HE is a pig-headed fool.
- Bertrand Russell

We are all one whether we dine on corned beef in New York City,
black-eyed peas and cornbread in rural Louisiana,
or roast guinea pig in Peru.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


 

I do love Italian food.
Any kind of pasta or pizza.
My new pig out food is Indian food.
I eat Indian food like three times a week.
It's so good.
- Jennifer Love Hewitt

Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
- Ambrose Bierce

Life is magnificent - just as it comes.
Life has no need for fancy clothes, or lipstick.
Life is no pig.
Our life is the greatest gift of all creation.
When we are unhappy with life -
when we are shocked by the stock market,
or dismayed by our choice of political candidates,
let us not lash out in anger.
But also, let us not try to pretty up life
with some lipstick and some party clothes.
See life clearly - no rose colored glasses -
and then CHOOSE to love life.
CHOOSE to be happy, be joyful, be grateful,
be forgiving of everyone and of every act
we believe has hurt us.
Life just "IS."
We get to CHOOSE our relationship with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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I am not strict vegan, because I'm a hedonist pig.
If I see a big chocolate cake that is made with eggs,
I'll have it.
- Grace Slick

I have eyes like those of a dead pig.
- Marlon Brando

I have two Iceland horses, a very hairy dog called Looney,
and a guinea pig.
- Cornelia Funke

I took anatomy classes.
I went to medical libraries and talked to doctors and nutritionists.
I did the whole thing before using myself as a human guinea pig.
- Marilu Henner

Asking a critic to name his favorite book is like asking
a butcher to name his favorite pig.
- John McCarthy

So is the savage buffalo, especially delighting in dark places,
where he can wallow in the mud and slake his thirst without much trouble;
and here also we find the wild pig.
- John H. Speke

Processed pig is white trash meat.
Some people call it Spam.
- Scott Weiland

The labs were happy that I was brave enough to attempt
to program it and the $5 million computer was left entirely to my use.
I was their human guinea pig.
- Philip Emeagwali

What pisses me off is when I've got seven or eight
record company fat pig men sitting there telling me what to wear.
- Sinead O'Connor

Fame is like a shaved pig with a greased tail,
and it is only after it has slipped through the hands of some thousands,
that some fellow, by mere chance, holds on to it!
- Davy Crockett

If I am to be a chauvinist pig, I want to be the number one pig.
- Bobby Riggs

By the end, everybody had a label - pig,
liberal, radical, revolutionary...
If you had everything but a gun, you were a radical but not a revolutionary.
- Jerry Rubin

Edible - good to eat and wholesome to digest,
as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake,
a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
- Ambrose Bierce

I was a guinea pig for some hoodlums who thought they
could hurt me and frighten me and keep other Negro
entertainers from the South.
- Nat King Cole

In my mind, it is certainly much nicer to end on a
high note rather than on a Stout Pig.
- Dave Blood

The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs.
The chicken is involved; the pig is committed.
- Martina Navratilova

I don't normally look like a twig and I do eat like
a pig but the weight has just dropped off me.
- Sienna Miller

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and
come out of as a sausage.
- Ambrose Bierce

You can't fatten the pig on market day.
- John Howard

Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest,
as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake,
a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
- Ambrose Bierce

To eat the boiled head of a pig sliced like salami is very strange.
It may seem cutting edge, but it's actually a lot older
than any of the other traditional salami.
- Mario Batali

I did everything.
I ran my life exactly as I wanted to,
all the time.
I never listened to anybody.
I'm pig-headed.
- Michael Caine

To steal from a brother or sister is evil.
To not steal from the institutions that are the pillars
of the Pig Empire is equally immoral.
- Abbie Hoffman

It's no good running a pig farm badly for 30 years while saying,
'Really, I was meant to be a ballet dancer.'
By then,
pigs will be your style.
- Quentin Crisp

When it comes to having a central nervous system,
and the ability to feel pain, hunger,
and thirst, a rat is a pig is a dog is a boy.
- Ingrid Newkirk

At the time when I was conducting my research there
was no known method for taking the guinea pig's temperature.
I demonstrated a technique which is now widely used.
- Charles Jules Henry Nicole

I'd rather be onstage with a pig - a duet with Jennifer
Lopez and me just ain't going to happen.
- Mariah Carey

I never know what I'm going to do for the Post next.
Two weeks ago I had a piece on Homeland Security.
This is one of my pig ongoing projects.
How unprepared we are for a terrorist attack.
- Sally Quinn

We're going to be focusing our science on things that
will take us farther and longer into space.
For many of those experiments, the crew members are human guinea pigs,
which is fine; that's part of my job.
I don't mind being a human guinea pig.
- John L. Phillips

From the practical point of view, the susceptibility
to infection of the guinea pig proved to be the most useful step forward.
Today, all laboratories use this animal for preserving the virus.
- Charles Jules Henry Nicole

Look, I hate to sound like Pollyanna,
but I literally can't wait to get to work in the morning.
I've got steady jobs, I've got my health,
and I'm here in the greatest city in the world.
I'd be a pig not to be grateful.
- Christopher Meloni

The discovery that I soon made that the guinea pig
was also susceptible to infection made it possible for me,
from the third year on, to preserve the virus on this animal.
- Charles Jules Henry Nicole

A peasant becomes fond of his pig and is glad to salt away its pork.
What is significant, and is so difficult for the urban stranger to understand,
is that the two statements are connected by an and not by a but.
- John Berger

I never apologized for anything in my life.
The only thing I'm sorry about is putting a curse on Roger Ebert's colon.
If a fat pig like Roger Ebert doesn't like my movie,
then I'm sorry for him.
- Vincent Gallo

These are bagpipes.
I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired
when he saw a man carrying an indignant,
asthmatic pig under his arm.
Unfortunately, the man-made sound never equalled the
purity of the sound achieved by the pig.
- Alfred Hitchcock

Somebody like a Piggy or a Kermit, there needs to be
several versions and so there will be several of them.
- Jim Henson

I am fond of pigs.
Dogs look up to us.
Cats look down on us.
Pigs treat us as equals.
- Winston Churchill

Our ordinary mind always tries to persuade us
that we are nothing but acorns
and that our greatest happiness will be
to become bigger, fatter, shinier acorns;
but that is of interest only to pigs.
Our faith gives us knowledge of something better:
that we can become oak trees.
- E. F. Schumacher

Man thrives where angels would die of ecstasy and where
pigs would die of disgust.
- Kenneth Rexroth

Kennedy had made a mess in Cuba at the Bay of Pigs.
He had to do something to look good.
The Apollo program of going to the Moon was quite a goal,.
- Wally Schirra

Pigs eat grass if they are very hungry,
but they can't use it as a regular source of food.
- Marvin Harris

Somehow I got to be one of five or six actors that
the directors would use as guinea pigs at this directing colloquium,
where people pay to listen to and watch the directors direct.
- Beth Henley

All of us are guinea pigs in the laboratory of God.
Humanity is just a work in progress.
- Tennessee Williams

There are a lot of women who live with pot-bellied pigs.
- Catherine Zeta-Jones

Pigs prefer to wallow in clean mud, but if nothing else is available,
they will frequently wallow in their own urine,
giving rise to the notion that they are dirty animals.
- Marvin Harris

Pigs are not that dirty.
And they're smart, strange little creatures.
They just need love.
- Shelley Duvall

The pigs stuck out their little feet and snored.
- Elizabeth Bishop

I may have exaggerated a bit when I said that 80 per
cent of the top 100 women are fat pigs.
What I meant to say was 75 per cent of the top 100 women are fat pigs.
- Richard Krajicek

It was jolly in the country.
A cow and little pigs to play with and milk warm from the cow.
- Georg Brandes

Besides the physical strains I realized men can be
pigs to women even when it's a man dressed as one.
- Michael Rosenbaum

I didn't want to be greedy.
It's a mark of bad character and I always believed
that pigs go the slaughterhouse.
- Walter Annenberg

Studying cows, pigs and chickens can help an actor develop his character.
There are a lot of things I learned from animals.
One was that they couldn't hiss or boo me.
- James Dean

The Congressman ascertained that the consulate in Havana
had numbers to feed the pigs.
- Erich Leinsdorf

The user's going to pick dancing pigs over security every time.
- Bruce Schneier

The airheads of Congress will keep their own plush healthcare plan -
it's the rest of us guinea pigs who will be thrown to the wolves.
- Camille Paglia

Men are pigs.
Too bad we own everything.
- Tim Allen

Measles and TB evolved from diseases of our cattle,
influenza from a disease of pigs, and smallpox possibly
from a disease of camels.
The Americas had very few native domesticated animal
species from which humans could acquire such diseases.
- Jared Diamond

After Lock, Stock, all these really nasty small town
characters came knocking at my door trying to tell me stories,
and somehow I ended up with this guy whose brother
was feeding people to pigs,
and that's what he did to get rid of people.
- Guy Ritchie

I argued that the Bush administration,
and the Coalition officials more recently,
didn't understand Iraqi society.
They thought it was a blank slate, that they could
use Iraqis as guinea pigs.
- Juan Cole

I remember laughing an inordinate amount of time.
Setting up scenes that involve ooze coming out basements,
or pigs' heads flying through windows is really fun.
How could you not laugh?
- Margot Kidder

There's nothing like castrating 20 pigs before lunch.
I did that during school whenever the need arose.
They'd call out the agricultural class and put us in
trucks to go help the local farmers.
- Fred Ward

But compared to writing a novel, where you can be God,
I did the Bay of Pigs invasion in six pages once,
and there were 50,000 guys with boots that I didn't have to pay,
and all those extras; we didn't have to pay them.
- John Sayles

So the reason that the Bay of Pigs failed was that
the original promise made by Eisenhower was not kept
by the subsequent Administration.
It allowed hostile air to wipe out the approaching invasion force.
- E. Howard Hunt

Here you do have forests, where pigs could be raised
by letting them root about in the forests for a good part of the year.
Therefore, you have a different attitude toward them
compared with what continues to exist in the Middle East.
- Marvin Harris


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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.