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Let these funny Offices Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Whenever a man has cast a longing eye on offices,
a rottenness begins in his conduct.
- Thomas Jefferson
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
- Charles H. Duell [attributed]
(Commissioner, US Patent Office, in 1899)
Difference of opinion is advantageous in religion.
The several sects perform the office of a Censor -
over each other.
- Thomas Jefferson
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I always arrive late at the office,
but I make up for it by leaving early.
- Charles Lamb
I have no ambition to govern men; it is a painful and thankless office.
- Thomas Jefferson
The second office in the government is honorable and easy;
the first is but a splendid misery.
- Thomas Jefferson
leading by example creates a degree of
loyalty and overall success
that cannot be achieved through
issuing orders from a lofty office.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When I took office, only high energy physicists
had ever heard of what is called the Worldwide Web...
Now even my cat has its own page.
- William J. Clinton
No one should ever sit in this office over 70 years old,
and that I know.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
When we got into office, the thing
that surprised me most
was to find that things were just as bad
as we'd been saying they were.
- John F. Kennedy
It is my desire, in the office of a Christian minister,
to do nothing which I cannot do with my whole heart.
Having said this, I have said all.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The supreme quality for leadership is unquestionably integrity.
Without it, no real success is possible,
no matter whether it is on a section gang,
a football field, in an army, or in an office.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Each of us is of infinite value,
and each of us has the ability to make
a profound difference in the lives we touch.
We leave our most profoundly positive impact
on those around us by the nature of our lives
and the example we set -
not by how busy we are,
or how important we believe we are.
Setting an example of being loving, relaxed and joyful,
regardless of external circumstances,
is a great legacy for our family and for the world.
Self importance - ego - is not a path to happiness.
Focusing one's whole life on responsibilities,
without taking time for self-renewal and play,
abandons the joy and the true value of life.
I want my tombstone to read, "Inspired others,"
rather than, "Never missed a day at the office."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
People are stupid;
given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything.
Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie
because they want to believe it's true,
or because they are afraid it might be true.
- Terry Goodkind
What is the appropriate behavior for a man or a woman
in the midst of this world,
where each person is clinging to his piece of debris?
What's the proper salutation between people
as they pass each other in this flood?
- The Buddha
The Creator has not thought proper
to mark those in the forehead
who are of stuff to make good generals.
We are first, therefore, to seek them blindfold,
and then let them learn the trade
at the expense of great losses.
- Thomas Jefferson
What are the proper grounds for joy?
Is it circumstance which will
determine the stature of my spirit?
Ah, no. It is choice. It is always a choice -
in the face of any event - for joy.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Don't think you can attain total awareness and whole enlightenment
without proper discipline and practice. This is egomania.
Appropriate rituals channel your emotions
and life energy toward the light.
Without the discipline to practice them,
you will tumble constantly backward into darkness.
- Lao Tzu
I would rather be ashes than dust!
I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze
than it should be stifled by dry rot.
I would rather be a superb meteor,
every atom of me in magnificent glow,
than a sleepy and permanent planet.
The proper function of man is to live, not to exist.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
I shall use my time.
- Jack London
Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
Half the world is composed of idiots,
the other half, of people clever enough
to take indecent advantage of them.
- Walter Kerr
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.
- Mark Twain
I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia.
I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture,
and kill them.
- the movie Full Metal Jacket
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
The Lord prefers common-looking people.
That is why he makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Some cause happiness wherever they go;
others whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek
The most important service rendered
by the press and the magazines
is that of educating people
to approach printed matter with distrust.
- Samuel Butler
Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher
People who are wrapped up in themselves make small packages.
- Benjamin Franklin
People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov
An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.
- Don Marquis
Interesting.
You Earth people glorify organized violence for 40 centuries,
but you imprison those who employ it privately.
- the character Spock in the television series Star Trek
Might I perhaps win my wings?
I've been waiting for over 200 years now, sir,
and people ARE beginning to talk.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)
Most people's historical perspective
begins with the day of their birth.
- Rush Limbaugh
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
If you're going to tell people the truth,
be funny or they'll kill you.
- Billy Wilder
These capitalists generally act harmoniously and in concert,
to fleece the people.
- Abraham Lincoln
The whole problem with the world is that
fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves,
but wiser people so full of doubts.
- Bertrand Russell
Too many people spend money they haven't earned,
to buy things they don't want,
to impress people they don't like.
- Will Rogers
Common looking people are the best in the world:
that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
Oh, you weak, beautiful people
who give up with such grace.
What you need is someone to take hold of you -
gently, with love, and hand your life back to you.
- Tennessee Williams
Most of what we call management consists of
making it difficult for people to get their work done.
- Peter F. Drucker
I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates
He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin
In religion and politics, people's belief's and convictions
are in almost every case gotten at second hand,
and without examination
- Mark Twain
Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people
by the people for the people.
- Oscar Wilde
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
"But I don't want to go among mad people," said Alice.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the cat. "We're all mad here."
- Lewis Carroll
You can safely assume that you've
created God in your own image
when it turns out that God hates
all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott
I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
- Charles M. Schulz
Thinking is what most people resort to after all else fails.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung
Always do the right thing.
It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
- Mark Twain
Religion is regarded by the common people as true,
by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
To go against the dominant thinking of your friends,
of most of the people you see every day,
is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.
- Theodore H. White
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.