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Funny America Quotes
Funny Quotes about America

Let these funny America Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

America has tossed its cap over the wall of space.
- John F. Kennedy

If you're going to America, bring your own food.
- Fran Lebowitz

Patriotism is easy to understand in America.
It means looking out for yourself by looking out for your country.
- Calvin Coolidge


 

America cannot continue to lead the family of nations
around the world if we suffer the collapse of the family here at home.
- Mitt Romney

In America there are two classes of travel -
first class,
and with children.
- Robert Benchley

Boxing has become America's tragic theater.
- Joyce Carol Oates


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America's present need is not heroics but healing;
not nostrums but normalcy; not revolution but restoration.
- Warren G. Harding

I get all fired up about aging in America.
- Willard Scott

My dream is of a place and a time where America
will once again be seen as the last best hope of earth.
- Abraham Lincoln

I have found out in later years that we were very poor,
but the glory of America is that we didn't know it then.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

America has a critical role to play as the most powerful
member of the world community.
- Adam Schiff

There are many men of principle in both parties in America,
but there is no party of principle.
- Alexis de Tocqueville

In America and Europe, the nomadism is of trade and curiosity.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Only Americans can hurt America.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things
no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving
America a new sense of purpose.
- Andy Rooney

I have one yardstick by which I test every major problem -
and that yardstick is: Is it good for America?
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

I love America more than any other country in this world,
and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right
to criticize her perpetually.
- James A. Baldwin

September 11th was a moment when America had the sympathy of the world.
- Tom Ford

In America, I would say New York and New Orleans are
the two most interesting food towns.
In New Orleans, they don't have a bad deli.
There's no mediocrity accepted.
- Mario Batali

I think the greatest taboos in America are faith and failure.
- Michael Malone

I may be the only mother in America who knows exactly
what their child is up to all the time.
- Barbara Bush

The school is the last expenditure upon which America
should be willing to economize.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

I look forward to an America which
will not be afraid of grace and beauty.
- John F. Kennedy

There is nothing wrong with America
that cannot be cured with what is right in America.
- William J. Clinton

America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty.
I will belong to the select few.
- Will Rogers

America will never be destroyed from the outside.
If we falter and lose our freedoms,
it will be because we destroyed ourselves.
- Abraham Lincoln

America is the best half-educated country in the world.
- Nicholas M. Butler

Pushing production out of America to nations without
our environmental standards increases global environmental risks.
- Frank Murkowski

Radical changes in world politics leave America with
a heightened responsibility to be,
for the world, an example of a genuinely free,
democratic, just and humane society.
- Pope John Paul II

If the United States of America or Britain is having elections,
they don't ask for observers from Africa or from Asia.
But when we have elections, they want observers.
- Nelson Mandela

I haven't, in the 23 years that I have been in the
uniformed services of the United States of America,
ever violated an order - not one.
- Oliver North

The largest party in America, by the way,
is neither the Democrats nor the Republicans.
It's the party of non-voters.
- Robert Reich

America believes in education: the average professor
earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.
- Evan Esar

America did not invent human rights.
In a very real sense, it is the other way around.
Human rights invented America.
- Jimmy Carter

No one has been barred on account of his race
from fighting or dying for America,
there are no white or colored signs
on the foxholes or graveyards of battle.
- John F. Kennedy

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list
of the richest people in America.
If I'm not there, I go to work.
- Robert Orben

As I've said many times, the single most oppressed
class in America right now is the teenager.
- Joe Bob Briggs

I am mortified to be told that, in the United States of America,
the sale of a book can become a subject of inquiry,
and of criminal inquiry too.
- Thomas Jefferson

America is another name for opportunity.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Power in America today is control of the means of communication.
- Theodore White

Whatever America hopes to bring to pass in the world
must first come to pass in the heart of America.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty.
When the loyal opposition dies,
I think the soul of America dies with it.
- Edward R. Murrow

There is nothing wrong with America
that faith, love of freedom, intelligence,
and energy of her citizens cannot cure.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Peace and abstinence from European interferences are our objects,
and so will continue while the present
order of things in America remain uninterrupted.
- Thomas Jefferson

Yesterday, December seventh, 1941, a date which will live in infamy,
the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately
attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Memorial Day remains one of America's
most cherished patriotic observances.
The spirit of this day has not changed -
it remains a day to honor those who
died defending our freedom and democracy.
- Doc Hastings

Here in America we are descended in blood
and in spirit from revolutionists and rebels.
Men and women who dare to dissent from accepted doctrine.
As their heirs, may we never confuse
honest dissent with disloyal subversion.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

It's the movies that have really been running things
in America ever since they were invented.
They show you what to do, how to do it,
when to do it, how to feel about it,
and how to look how you feel about it.
- Andy Warhol

137 years later, Memorial Day remains one of America's
most cherished patriotic observances.
The spirit of this day has not changed -
it remains a day to honor those who died defending
our freedom and democracy.
- Doc Hastings

I look forward to a great future for America -
a future in which our country will match its military strength
with our moral restraint,
its wealth with our wisdom, its power with our purpose.
- John F. Kennedy

America has the best doctors, the best nurses,
the best hospitals, the best medical technology,
the best medical breakthrough medicines in the world.
There is absolutely no reason we should not have in
this country the best health care in the world.
- Bill Frist

A free America... means just this:
individual freedom for all, rich or poor,
or else this system of government we call democracy
is only an expedient to enslave man
to the machine and make him like it.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Imagination has brought mankind through the dark ages
to its present state of civilization.
Imagination led Columbus to discover America.
Imagination led Franklin to discover electricity.
- L. Frank Baum

America and Israel share a special bond.
Our relationship is unique among all nations.
Like America, Israel is a strong democracy,
a symbol of freedom, and an oasis of liberty,
a home to the oppressed and persecuted.
- William J. Clinton

In America everybody is of the opinion that he has no social superiors,
since all men are equal, but he does not admit that
he has no social inferiors,
for, from the time of Jefferson onward,
the doctrine that all men are equal applies only upwards,
not downwards.
- Bertrand Russell

I think that New York is not the cultural centre of America,
but the business and administrative centre of American culture.
- Saul Bellow

The trouble with us in America isn't that the poetry
of life has turned to prose,
but that it has turned to advertising copy.
- Louis Kronenberger

Since the Revolution, eight generations of America's
veterans have established an unbroken commitment to freedom.
- Steve Buyer

I have been blessed often by Buddha,
but equally by America.
- Nguyen Cao Ky

You're not anyone in America unless you're on TV.
- Nicole Kidman

I had to get out of America to get a professional life
going where I could actually make a living.
- Harold Budd

If you're honest with yourself, you're going to find
out whether you truly love America,
or whether your primary allegiance is to the Republican party.
- Vincent Bugliosi

In America, they shoot budgets and schedules,
and they don't shoot films any more.
There's more opportunity in Europe to make films that
at least have a purity of intent.
- Paul Bettany

Like Americans, people outside America want fun,
want an emotional compensation for the utilitarianism
and calculation that mark the rest of their lives.
- Todd Gitlin

It is possible to read the history of this country
as one long struggle to extend the liberties established
in our Constitution to everyone in America.
- Molly Ivins

We have a positive vision of the future founded on
the belief that the gap between the promise and reality
of America can one day be finally closed.
We believe that.
- Barbara Jordan

An asylum for the sane would be empty in America.
- George Bernard Shaw

I don't think that politics attracts the best and the brightest of America.
It doesn't attract the most sincere people.
- Dick Murphy

The mecca of filmmaking in the world just so happens to be in America.
It's quite simply a case of us just going where the work is.
- Alex O'Loughlin

America's best buy is a telephone call to the right man.
- Ilka Chase


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