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Funny Everybody Quotes
Funny Quotes about Everybody

Let these funny Everybody Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

Money won't make you happy...
but everybody wants to find out for themselves.
- Zig Ziglar

Everybody is a genius.
But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree,
it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.
- Albert Einstein

It was impossible to get a conversation going,
everybody was talking too much.
- Yogi Berra


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Everybody loves you when you're six foot in the ground.
- John Lennon

A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black

Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody,
I think that is a much greater hunger,
a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.
- Mother Teresa


 

Never trust a man who speaks well of everybody
- John Churton Collins

You know, everybody makes mistakes when they are president.
- William J. Clinton

When you are content to be simply yourself
and don't compare or compete,
everybody will respect you.
- Lao Tzu

Campaign behavior for wives:
Always be on time.
Do as little talking as humanly possible.
Lean back in the parade car
so everybody can see the president.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

There's a point... when you have to choose
whether to be like everybody else the rest of your life,
or to make a virtue of your peculiarities.
- Ursula K. Le Guin

Everybody likes a compliment.
- Abraham Lincoln

That old law about "an eye for an eye" leaves everybody blind.
The time is always right to do the right thing.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Great leaders are almost always great simplifiers,
who can cut through argument, debate, and doubt
to offer a solution everybody can understand.
- Colin Powell

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread.
- John Muir

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread,
places to play in and pray in,
where nature may heal and cheer
and give strength to the body and soul.
- John Muir

You don't get harmony when everybody sings the same note.
- Doug Floyd

We are not going to be able
to operate our Spaceship Earth
successfully nor for much longer
unless we see it as a whole spaceship
and our fate as common.
It has to be everybody or nobody.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

You have to be an original individual;
you have to find your innermost core on your own,
with no guide, no guiding scriptures.
It is a dark night, but with the intense fire of inquiry
you are bound to come to the sunrise.
Everybody who has burned with intense inquiry
has found the sunrise.
Others only believe.
Those who believe are not religious,
they are simply avoiding the great adventure
of religion by believing.
- Osho

From one point of view, one individual's vote
doesn't make any difference whatsoever.
The probability of an election swinging
by a single vote is infinitesimal.
On the other hand, if everybody took the attitude
that voting didn't matter, there could never
be a democratically elected government - at all.
So, does your vote matter? You bet your vote matters.
And, at least as much as your vote matters,
your intention for the future of the world matters.
That's so important, it's worth saying again.
At Least As Much As Your Vote Matters,
Your Intention For The Future Of The Entire World Matters.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Music is everybody's possession.
It's only publishers who think that people own it.
- John Lennon

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln

Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

I have no fear of the gallows ... They're going to shoot me.
- the movie Love and Death

Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death

When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner

A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous

I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde

Experience keeps a dear school,
but fools will learn in no other.
- Benjamin Franklin

As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin

Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

It is the things for which there is no evidence
that are believed with passion.
- Bertrand Russell

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
- Mark Twain

Some people are so heavenly minded
that they are no earthly good.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance
and hypocritical humility.
I chose the former and have seen no reason to change.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie

No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice.
In practice there is.
- Yogi Berra

There is no such thing as public opinion.
There is only published opinion.
- Winston Churchill

Computers are like Old Testament gods;
lots of rules and no mercy.
- Joseph Campbell

The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken

Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln

Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears,
for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
- Albert Einstein

Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson

Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller

Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain

The way to silence religious disputes is to take no notice of them.
- Thomas Jefferson

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

You have no values. With you its all nihilism,
cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little

Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden

If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields

It has been my experience that folks who
have no vices, have very few virtues.
- Abraham Lincoln

I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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