Facebook share Tweet This Email this
Let these funny Colonial Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Communists have always played an active role
in the fight by colonial countries for their freedom,
because the short-term objects of Communism
would always correspond with
the long-term objects of freedom movements.
- Nelson Mandela
The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine
The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing.
The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
War is a game that is played with a smile.
If you can't smile, grin.
If you can't grin, keep out of the way till you can.
- Winston Churchill
I give thanks for everything that has occurred
to bring me to this moment in time.
Every event that has ever occurred in my life
has played a crucial role in delivering me to this instant.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I have gratitude for EVERYTHING that has ever occurred
to bring me to this moment.
I accept that no one else is ever to blame
for either my joy or my suffering.
The entire cause of all my joys and all my sufferings
is my own emotional response to the events of my life,
and I am committed to consistently distinguishing
between my feelings about events
and the physical occurrences of those events.
I declare that everyone who has ever played
any role in any of the events of my life
is entirely without fault.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I Forgive Myself and All Others with Compassion -
I forgive everyone, especially myself,
for all actions and all inactions throughout my entire life.
I accept that no one else has ever been to blame
for either my joy or my suffering.
The entire cause of all my joys and all my sufferings
is my own emotional response to the events of my life,
and I am committed to consistently distinguishing
between my feelings about events
and the physical occurrence of those events.
I declare that everyone who has ever played any role
in any of the events of my life is entirely without fault.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
A wedding is just like a funeral
except that you get to smell your own flowers.
- Grace Hansen
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little
I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead
It's not a mess.
It's a physical manifestation of
a wonderfully complex ability to
assess and compartmentalize information.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
The mind is not a vessel to be filled
but a fire to be kindled.
- Plutarch
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
Thank you for visiting: Funny Colonial Quotes - Funny Quotes about Colonial.
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.