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Let these funny Heinrich Heine Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
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To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
A wedding is just like a funeral
except that you get to smell your own flowers.
- Grace Hansen
This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous 
Half the world is composed of idiots,
the other half, of people clever enough
to take indecent advantage of them.
- Walter Kerr
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
- Edgar Bergen
Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi
After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her,
and after half an hour
I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
- the movie Take the Money and Run (1969)
Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
If you come to a fork in the road, take it.
- Yogi Berra
The way to silence religious disputes is to take no notice of them.
- Thomas Jefferson
Oh, you weak, beautiful people
who give up with such grace.
What you need is someone to take hold of you -
gently, with love, and hand your life back to you.
- Tennessee Williams
Persevere. Plan. Strategize. Focus. Breathe. Write.
Let go: relax. Forgive. All this failing: take a nap.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.
- Anonymous
He who can take advice is sometimes superior
to him who can give it.
- Erica Jong
In those days he was wiser than he is now;
he used to frequently take my advice.
- Winston Churchill
TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
- Anonymous
Take care of the sense
and the sounds will take care of themselves.
- Lewis Carroll
Capitalism tries for a delicate balance:
It attempts to work things out so that
everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from
getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
- George Carlin
Could a greater miracle take place
than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?
- Henry David Thoreau
Every tomorrow has two handles.
We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety
or the handle of faith.
- Henry Ward Beecher
If you don't know where you're going,
any road will take you there.
- Lewis Carroll
(Alice in Wonderland)
I Act with Bold Courage:
Standing in the inspiring vision of my future,
I boldly take every step -
large and small - with courage and intent.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Don't Take Anything Personally.
Nothing others do is because of you.
- Miguel Angel Ruiz (don Miguel Ruiz)
Take your life in your own hands, and what happens?
A terrible thing: no one to blame.
- Erica Jong
Standing in the inspiring vision of my future,
I boldly take every step - large and small -
with courage and intent.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Angels can fly because they can take themselves lightly.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
Life is all in the perspective we take on it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To travel is to take a journey into yourself.
- Danny Kaye
"Sometimes," said Pooh, "the smallest things take up the most room in your heart."
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Persevere in moving toward highly worthwhile but difficult goals.
In smaller issues, take an easier course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.
- Alfred Adler
Logic will get you from A to B.
Imagination will take you everywhere.
- Albert Einstein
Live your life, do your work, then take your hat.
- Henry David Thoreau
Relax. Take a day off.
Go for a long silent walk in the woods.
The world will still be there tomorrow -
as good and as bad as ever.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Take away love and our earth is a tomb.
- Robert Browning
Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated;
you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
- David Lloyd George
People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness.
Just because they're not on your road
doesn't mean they've gotten lost.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Take risks: if you win, you will be happy;
if you lose, you will be wise.
- Anonymous
Take charge of your life!
You are responsible to yourself - not to others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The biggest adventure you can take is
to live the life of your dreams.
- Oprah Winfrey
During the first period of a man's life
the greatest danger is not to take the risk.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Take a deep breath and do the difficult thing first.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
CHOOSE your future, and take ACTION -
be the hammer, not the nail.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A man too busy to take care of his health is like
a mechanic too busy to take care of his tools.
- Spanish Proverb
Never say goodbye when you still want to try,
never give up when you still feel you can't take it.
Never say you don't love the person anymore
when you can't let go.
- Anonymous
If we want to direct our lives,
we must take control of our consistent actions.
It's not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives,
but what we do consistently.
- Anthony Robbins
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away.
- Anonymous
Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid
Choose Inner Peace.
Nothing is worth losing your inner peace.
Take action as circumstances require,
but never surrender your inner peace.
Stop. Breathe deeply.
Close your eyes and breathe deeply again.
Then, and only then, take action -
from a peaceful heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
With courage, you will dare to take risks,
have the strength to be compassionate,
and the wisdom to be humble.
Courage is the foundation of integrity.
- Keshavan Nair
Take the initiative - don't wait for life to come to you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Take a chance! All life is a chance.
The man who goes farthest is generally
the one who is willing to do and dare.
- Dale Carnegie
We take refuge in pride,
because we are afraid to tell the truth to ourselves.
- Kakuzo Okakura
If all misfortunes were laid in one common heap
whence everyone must take an equal portion,
most people would be contented to take their own and depart.
- Socrates
Take Action - Now.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
No matter what happens, someone will find a way
to take it too seriously.
- Dave Barry
I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear
to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat.
- Sylvester Stallone
When men destroy their old gods,
they will find new ones to take their place.
- Pearl S. Buck
I'm having a bad day. I am not size six.
My legs are not skinny as sticks,
and dammit, someone's got to pay.
I'm afraid that I can't satisfy myself
and that my happiness depends on someone else.
I feel weak, so you're gonna take the fall.
You're so shallow.
- Jewel
We are all different - and we are all one.
Take time to understand, and to appreciate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
People are not disturbed by things,
but by the view they take of them.
- Epictetus
Take time today to appreciate beauty -
natural beauty, art, people.
Slow down, breathe deeply, smile.
It's a beautiful world.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Nature will bear the closest inspection.
She invites us to lay our eye level with her smallest leaf,
and take an insect view of its plain.
- Henry David Thoreau
Make the best use of what is in your power,
and take the rest as it happens.
- Epictetus
We can let circumstances rule us,
or we can take charge and
rule our lives from within.
- Earl Nightingale
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.