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Let these funny Nelson Mandela Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
If you want to make peace with your enemy,
you have to work with your enemy.
Then he becomes your partner.
- Nelson Mandela
There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere,
and many of us will have to pass
through the valley of the shadow of death
again and again before we reach
the mountaintop of our desires.
- Nelson Mandela
There is no passion to be found playing small -
in settling for a life that is less
than the one you are capable of living.
- Nelson Mandela
For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains,
but to live in a way that respects
and enhances the freedom of others.
- Nelson Mandela
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I learned that courage was not the absence of fear,
but the triumph over it.
The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid,
but he who conquers that fear.
- Nelson Mandela
There is no such thing as part freedom.
- Nelson Mandela
If there are dreams about a beautiful South Africa,
there are also roads that lead to their goal.
Two of these roads could be named Goodness and Forgiveness.
- Nelson Mandela
If you talk to a man in a language he understands,
that goes to his head.
If you talk to him in his language,
that goes to his heart.
- Nelson Mandela
Does anybody really think that they didn't get what they had
because they didn't have the talent
or the strength or the endurance or the commitment?
- Nelson Mandela
There can be no keener revelation of a society's soul
than the way in which it treats its children.
- Nelson Mandela
Only free men can negotiate;
prisoners cannot enter into contracts.
Your freedom and mine cannot be separated.
- Nelson Mandela
Let freedom reign. The sun never set
on so glorious a human achievement.
- Nelson Mandela
I dream of an Africa which is in peace with itself.
- Nelson Mandela
When the water starts boiling
it is foolish to turn off the heat.
- Nelson Mandela
Education is the most powerful weapon
which you can use to change the world.
- Nelson Mandela
Never, never and never again shall it be
that this beautiful land will again experience
the oppression of one by another.
- Nelson Mandela
The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling,
but in rising every time we fall.
- Nelson Mandela
I detest racialism, because I regard it as a barbaric thing,
whether it comes from a black man or a white man.
- Nelson Mandela
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.
- Nelson Mandela
If the United States of America or Britain is having elections,
they don't ask for observers from Africa or from Asia.
But when we have elections, they want observers.
- Nelson Mandela
It always seems impossible until its done.
- Nelson Mandela
There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged
to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.
- Nelson Mandela
Money won't create success,
the freedom to make it will.
- Nelson Mandela
In my country we go to prison first, and then become President.
- Nelson Mandela
Let there be work, bread, water and salt for all.
- Nelson Mandela
After climbing a great hill,
one only finds that there are many more hills to climb.
- Nelson Mandela
We must use time wisely and forever realize
that the time is always ripe to do right.
- Nelson Mandela
A good head and a good heart
are always a formidable combination.
- Nelson Mandela
Communists have always played an active role
in the fight by colonial countries for their freedom,
because the short-term objects of Communism
would always correspond with
the long-term objects of freedom movements.
- Nelson Mandela
It is better to lead from behind
and to put others in front,
especially when you celebrate victory
when nice things occur.
You take the front line when there is danger.
Then people will appreciate your leadership.
- Nelson Mandela
I dream of the realization of the unity of Africa,
whereby its leaders combine in their efforts
to solve the problems of this continent.
I dream of our vast deserts, of our forests,
of all our great wildernesses.
- Nelson Mandela
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner 
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
Of all the things that could frighten you,
you worry about my driving?
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.