Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain



Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Links | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z

The trouble is,
by Erica Jong

The trouble is,
if you don't risk anything,
you risk even more.
- Erica Jong

Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
- Erica Jong

Gossip is the opiate of the oppressed.
- Erica Jong

We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong


Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

 Subscribe in a reader -- or
Enter your email address:




Delivered by FeedBurner


Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer
but wish we didn't.
- Erica Jong PHOTO

He who can take advice is sometimes superior
to him who can give it.
- Erica Jong

Take your life in your own hands, and what happens?
A terrible thing: no one to blame.
- Erica Jong


 

Driving me away is easier than saying goodbye.
- Erica Jong

I have accepted fear as a part of life -
specifically the fear of change...
I have gone ahead despite the pounding
in the heart that says: turn back.
- Erica Jong

Betrayal betrays the betrayer.
- Erica Jong

If you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
- Erica Jong

Hate generalizes; love is particular.
- Erica Jong

Solitude is considered un-American.
- Erica Jong

No one ever found wisdom without also being a fool.
Writers, alas, have to be fools in public,
while the rest of the human race can cover its tracks.
- Erica Jong

Men have always detested women's gossip
because they suspect the truth:
their measurements are being taken and compared.
- Erica Jong

Love gives without taking
- Erica Jong

The best slave does not need to be beaten. She beats herself.
- Erica Jong

My reaction to porno films is as follows; After the first ten minutes,
I want to go home and screw; After the first twenty minutes,
I never want to screw again as long as I live
- Erica Jong

The trick is not how much pain you feel -
but how much joy you feel
- Erica Jong

Because I loved myself, I was loved.
- Erica Jong

Friends love misery, in fact.
Sometimes, especially if we are too lucky
or too successful or too pretty,
our misery is the only thing that endears us to our friends.
- Erica Jong

Love is serene and calm
- Erica Jong

In a bad marriage, friends are the invisible glue.
If we have enough friends, we may go on for years,
intending to leave, talking about leaving -
instead of actually getting up and leaving.
- Erica Jong

If sex and creativity are often
seen by dictators as subversive activities,
it's because they lead to the knowledge
that you own your own body
(and with it your own voice), and that's
the most revolutionary insight of all.
- Erica Jong

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor

The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain

The trouble with having an open mind, of course,
is that people will insist on coming along
and trying to put things in it.
- Terry Pratchett

Every religion is true one way or another.
It is true when understood metaphorically.
But when it gets stuck in its own metaphors,
interpreting them as facts, then you are in trouble.
- Joseph Campbell

We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone;
For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
- Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Nobody, as long as he moves about
among the chaotic currents of life,
is without trouble.
- Carl Jung

A quotation is a handy thing to have about,
saving one the trouble of thinking for oneself.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

When trouble arises and things look bad,
there is always one individual who perceives a solution
and is willing to take command.
Very often, that individual is crazy.
- Dave Barry

Worry is the interest paid by those who borrow trouble.
- George Washington

From behind the Iron Curtain, there are signs that tyranny
is in trouble and reminders that its structure
is as brittle as its surface is hard.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

I love those who can smile in trouble,
who can gather strength from distress,
and grow brave by reflection.
- Leonardo da Vinci

When I look back on all these worries,
I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed
that he had had a lot of trouble in his life,
most of which had never happened.
- Winston Churchill

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction
is better and greater than a "Yes" merely uttered to please,
or what is worse, to avoid trouble.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Do not anticipate trouble,
or worry about what may never happen.
Keep in the sunlight.
- Benjamin Franklin

Friends are angels who lift us to our feet
when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.
- Anonymous

Do not trouble yourself much
to get new things, whether clothes or friends...
Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts.
- Henry David Thoreau

My God, this is a hell of a job. I have no trouble with my enemies.
I can take care of my enemies all right.
But my damn friends, my goddamn friends.
They're the ones that keep me walking the floor at night.
- Warren G. Harding

Move to your heart, Breathe.
Close your eyes and breathe deeply - slowly -
fill your lungs with love and gratitude -
exhale each and every trouble -
again and again - gratitude in, troubles out.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Unless we form the habit of going to the Bible
in bright moments as well as in trouble,
we cannot fully respond to its consolations
because we lack equilibrium between light and darkness.
- Helen Keller

There is a secret wisdom-of-the-ages
that holds the key to breaking our
cycle of self-imposed suffering.
The secret wisdom is, "Life is not supposed to be fair."
This is not sad news. This is GLORIOUS news!
Life is not broken. Nothing is wrong.
God has not failed, died, or gone on vacation.
The world is working perfectly. We just misunderstood.
Somewhere along the way, someone got the idea that
life was "supposed" to be "fair,"
and all the trouble started -
expectation, disappointment, resentment, anger -
a whole cycle of suffering that began
with the belief that life is "supposed" to be "fair."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill

Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter

Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain

And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)


Thank you for visiting: The trouble is, by Erica Jong.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Sign-up for your free subscription to
Jonathan Lockwood Huie's Daily Inspiration - Daily Quote email.

Your E-Mail Address:
Your Name:

To confirm your subscription, you must click on a link in the email being sent to you.

Each email contains an unsubscribe link. We will NEVER sell, rent, loan, or abuse your email address in ANY way.


Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.