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Funny Trouble Quotes
Funny Quotes about Trouble

Let these funny Trouble Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor

I used to sell furniture for a living.
The trouble was, it was my own.
- Les Dawson


 

The trouble with having an open mind, of course,
is that people will insist on coming along
and trying to put things in it.
- Terry Pratchett

The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain

Every religion is true one way or another.
It is true when understood metaphorically.
But when it gets stuck in its own metaphors,
interpreting them as facts, then you are in trouble.
- Joseph Campbell


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The trouble is,
if you don't risk anything,
you risk even more.
- Erica Jong

We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone;
For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
- Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Nobody, as long as he moves about
among the chaotic currents of life,
is without trouble.
- Carl Jung

A quotation is a handy thing to have about,
saving one the trouble of thinking for oneself.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.
- Ogden Nash

When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble,
delegate; when in charge, ponder.
- James H. Boren

All marriages are happy.
It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.
- Raymond Hull

My motto was always to keep swinging.
Whether I was in a slump or feeling badly or having trouble off the field,
the only thing to do was keep swinging.
- Hank Aaron

When trouble comes, it's your family that supports you.
- Guy Lafleur

The trouble with always trying to preserve the health
of the body is that it is so difficult to do without
destroying the health of the mind.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton

When I get logical, and I don't trust my instincts -
that's when I get in trouble.
- Angelina Jolie

To be satisfied with a little, is the greatest wisdom;
and he that increaseth his riches,
increaseth his cares; but a contented mind is a hidden treasure,
and trouble findeth it not.
- Akhenaton

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win,
you're still a rat.
- Lily Tomlin

The trouble with travelling back later on is that you
can never repeat the same experience.
- Michael Palin

Friends are angels who lift us to our feet
when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.
- Anonymous

The trouble with law is lawyers.
- Clarence Darrow

Do not anticipate trouble,
or worry about what may never happen.
Keep in the sunlight.
- Benjamin Franklin

When trouble arises and things look bad,
there is always one individual who perceives a solution
and is willing to take command.
Very often, that individual is crazy.
- Dave Barry

Trouble is, kids feel they have to shock their elders
and each generation grows up into something harder to shock.
- Ben Lindsey

Do not trouble yourself much
to get new things, whether clothes or friends...
Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts.
- Henry David Thoreau

When I look back on all these worries,
I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed
that he had had a lot of trouble in his life,
most of which had never happened.
- Winston Churchill

The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be.
- Paul Valery

I love those who can smile in trouble,
who can gather strength from distress,
and grow brave by reflection.
- Leonardo da Vinci

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction
is better and greater than a "Yes" merely uttered to please,
or what is worse, to avoid trouble.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

You don't help people in your poems.
I've been trying to help people all my life -
that's my trouble.
- Charles Olson

Worry is the interest paid by those who borrow trouble.
- George Washington

Dad, I'm in some trouble.
There's been an accident and you're going to hear all
sorts of things about me from now on.
Terrible things.
- Edward Kennedy

When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking
if there is anything you can do.
Think up something appropriate and do it.
- Edward W. Howe

The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.
- Martin Mull

Birds are indicators of the environment.
If they are in trouble, we know we'll soon be in trouble.
- Roger Tory Peterson

From behind the Iron Curtain, there are signs that tyranny
is in trouble and reminders that its structure
is as brittle as its surface is hard.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Every government is a parliament of whores.
The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Love is the self-delusion we manufacture to justify
the trouble we take to have sex.
- Daniel S. Greenberg

Move to your heart, Breathe.
Close your eyes and breathe deeply - slowly -
fill your lungs with love and gratitude -
exhale each and every trouble -
again and again - gratitude in, troubles out.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

My God, this is a hell of a job. I have no trouble with my enemies.
I can take care of my enemies all right.
But my damn friends, my goddamn friends.
They're the ones that keep me walking the floor at night.
- Warren G. Harding

I was six when we came to this country.
When I was 14 or so, I still had a lot of trouble with it.
- Joe Eszterhas

I sincerely believe I could have wounded up in a lot
of trouble if I had not been taught as a boy to fear Hell,
and to believe that certain wicked acts could lead me to damnation.
- Robert Vaughn

Vengeance is not the point; change is.
But the trouble is that in most people's minds the
thought of victory and the thought of punishing the enemy coincide.
- Barbara Deming

I have trouble with seafood because it tastes like a dock.
- Doug Coupland

Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.
- Titus Maccius Plautus

Les Pauls work out real well for me because I'll beat
the hell out of them and they'll still work.
The only trouble with them is finding good ones.
- Tommy Shaw

The trouble in America is not that we are making too many mistakes,
but that we are making too few.
- Philip Knight

I had a lot of trouble with engineers,
because their whole background is learning from a functional point of view,
and then learning how to perform that function.
- Brian Eno

The visual information of art history is going to students seamlessly,
without the enormous trouble those of us who are older
had when we studied art history many years ago.
- Robert Nelson

Trouble shared is trouble halved.
- Lee Iacocca

The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.
- Willem de Kooning

Problems are the price of progress.
Don't bring me anything but trouble.
Good news weakens me.
- Charles Kettering

If you haven't got any charity in your heart,
you have the worst kind of heart trouble.
- Bob Hope

Wise are they who have learned these truths:
Trouble is temporary.
Time is tonic.
Tribulation is a test tube.
- William Arthur Ward

The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.
- Doug Larson

Anyone who thinks they have a monopoly on truth,
and there is only one way to see the world,
always gets us into trouble.
- Charles Schumer

It is better for you to be free of fear lying upon a pallet,
than to have a golden couch and a rich table and be full of trouble.
- Epicurus

Had Roosevelt been caught, we would have been in a lot of trouble.
It would have been very embarrassing.
- John Perkins

I think authors can get into trouble viewing the subject matter as their turf.
- Laura Hillenbrand

I believe much trouble would be saved if we opened our hearts more.
- Chief Joseph

I had trouble distinguishing art from life.
I don't now, and I feel much better!
- Donald Fagen

Never wait for trouble.
- Chuck Yeager

Take the trouble to stop and think of the other person's feelings,
his viewpoints, his desires and needs.
Think more of what the other fellow wants,
and how he must feel.
- Maxwell Maltz

It is almost always the cover-up rather than the event that causes trouble.
- Howard Baker

Part of the joy of dancing is conversation.
Trouble is, some men can't talk and dance at the same time.
- Ginger Rogers

Disturbances in society are never more fearful than
when those who are stirring up the trouble can use
the pretext of religion to mask their true designs.
- Denis Diderot

When it was over, it was not really over,
and that was the trouble.
- Frank Yerby

People are still willing to do an honest day's work.
The trouble is they want a week's pay for it.
- Joey Adams


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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