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Let these funny Unrighteous Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Laws are sand, customs are rock.
Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped,
but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment.
The penalty may be unfair, unrighteous, illogical, and a cruelty;
no matter, it will be inflicted, just the same.
Certainly, then, there can be but one wise thing
for a visiting stranger to do -
find out what the country's customs are,
and refrain from offending against them.
- Mark Twain
I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin
I consider my greatest accomplishment to be lifelong celibacy.
- Isaac Newton
(discoverer of the laws of gravitation and motion,
famous mathematician, and perhaps the greatest scientist ever)
As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein
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True friendship's laws are by this rule express'd,
Welcome the coming, speed the parting guest.
- Alexander Pope
The more laws and order are made prominent,
the more thieves and robbers there will be.
- Lao Tzu
The future has nothing in common with the past -
except natural laws and human nature.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There is no logical way to the discovery
of these elemental laws.
There is only the way of intuition,
which is helped by a feeling
for the order lying behind the appearance.
- Albert Einstein
Nature never breaks her own laws.
- Leonardo da Vinci
If the misery of the poor be caused
not by the laws of nature,
but by our institutions,
great is our sin.
- Charles Darwin
As you simplify your life,
the laws of the universe will be simpler;
solitude will not be solitude,
poverty will not be poverty,
nor weakness weakness.
- Henry David Thoreau
We can allow satellites, planets, suns, universe,
nay whole systems of universes, to be governed by laws,
but the smallest insect, we wish
to be created at once by special act.
- Charles Darwin
If we spend the time we waste in sighing
for the perfect golden fruit
in fulfilling the conditions of its growth,
happiness will come, must come.
It is guaranteed in the very laws of the universe.
If it involves some chastening and renunciation, well,
the fruit will be all the sweeter for this touch of holiness.
- Helen Keller
What is human warfare but just this;
an effort to make the laws of God and
nature take sides with one party.
- Henry David Thoreau
Every actual State is corrupt.
Good men must not obey laws too well.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Whose laws have priority in your life?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Good men must not obey the laws too well.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Happiness is the final and perfect fruit
of obedience to the laws of life.
- Helen Keller
Nothing is more destructive of respect
for the government and the law of the land
than passing laws which cannot be enforced.
- Albert Einstein
The road to freedom lies not through
mysteries or occult performances,
but through the intelligent use
of natural forces and laws.
- Ernest Holmes
A miracle is nothing more or less than this...
Anyone who has come into a knowledge
of his true identity,
of his oneness with
the all-pervading wisdom and power,
this makes it possible for laws higher
than the ordinary mind knows of
to be revealed to him.
- Ralph Waldo Trine
What is a miracle? To some, it is an act of God.
To others, something amazing, extraordinary, or unexpected.
To me, Life is a miracle.
Everything that happens is a miracle.
There is no reason for me to exist as I do -
no reason for humanity, the universe, or the laws of Nature.
Energy, mass, gravity and the rest of existence
are all so improbable.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I hope we shall crush in its birth
the aristocracy of our monied corporations
which dare already to challenge our government
to a trial by strength,
and bid defiance to the laws of our country.
- Thomas Jefferson (from a letter to George Logan, Nov. 12th, 1816)
If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams,
and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined,
he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary;
new, universal, and more liberal laws
will begin to establish themselves around and within him;
or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favor
in a more liberal sense,
and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings.
- Henry David Thoreau
I am not an advocate for frequent changes in laws and constitutions,
but laws and institutions must go hand in hand
with the progress of the human mind.
As that becomes more developed, more enlightened,
as new discoveries are made, new truths discovered
and manners and opinions change, with the change of circumstances,
institutions must advance also to keep pace with the times.
- Thomas Jefferson [inscribed in the Jefferson Memorial]
My mind seems to have become a kind of machine for
grinding general laws out of large collections of facts.
- Charles Darwin
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
If I had known what it would be like to have it all -
I might have been willing to settle for less.
- Lily Tomlin
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
It's cookies, he smells like cookies,
and the smell gets stronger when he's in heat.
- the movie Michael
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton
It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard
Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes
in the hope of pulling out an eel.
- Leonardo da Vinci
I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Twinkle, twinkle little bat
How I wonder what you're at!
Up above the world you fly,
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
- Lewis Carroll
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
A wedding is just like a funeral
except that you get to smell your own flowers.
- Grace Hansen
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
It's like deja-vu, all over again.
- Yogi Berra
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
- Steve Martin
There is so much that must be done
in a civilized barbarism like war.
- Amelia Earhart
His answer trickled through my head like water through a sieve.
- Lewis Carroll
I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Computers are like Old Testament gods;
lots of rules and no mercy.
- Joseph Campbell
Procrastination is like a credit card:
it's a lot of fun until you get the bill.
- Christopher Parker
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts.
- Anonymous
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx
Life is like a roller coaster - scream Whee... on the way down,
and let the momentum carry you back up the next hill.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Politics is like football; if you see daylight, go through the hole.
- John F. Kennedy
Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
- Laurence J. Peter
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.