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Let these funny Supermarket Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Not everyone is always going to like what you do.
Your job application, your book proposal,
your offer of marriage is going to
get rejected sometimes - perhaps often.
Your boss, your spouse, even the person
behind you in the supermarket checkout line
is occasionally going to think that you are doing it all wrong.
Don't take it personally.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
The mind is not a vessel to be filled
but a fire to be kindled.
- Plutarch
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
Do not laugh much or often or unrestrainedly.
- Epictetus
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
The wine of youth does not always
clear with advancing years;
sometimes it grows turbid.
- Carl Jung
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz
The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
A ship in harbor is safe -
but that is not what ships are for.
- John A. Shedd
Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little
I am not afraid of storms
for I am learning how to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott
The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
It's not a mess.
It's a physical manifestation of
a wonderfully complex ability to
assess and compartmentalize information.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.