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Funny Job Quotes
Funny Quotes about Job

Let these funny Job Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If my films make one more person miserable,
I'll feel I have done my job.
- Woody Allen

Recession is when a neighbor loses his job.
Depression is when you lose yours.
- Ronald Reagan

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)


 

If you have a job without any aggravations, you don't have a job.
- Malcolm S. Forbes (wealthy publisher)

The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde

Don't underestimate your abilities,
that's your boss's job.
- Anonymous


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Getting fired is nature's way to telling you
that you had the wrong job in the first place.
- Hal Lancaster

It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job:
it's a depression when you lose yours.
- Harry S. Truman

Miracles are the natural way of the Universe -
our only job is to move our doubting minds aside
and let the miracles flow.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The world is perfect. It's a mess.
It has always been a mess.
We are not going to change it.
Our job is to straighten out our own lives.
- Joseph Campbell

If a man is called to be a street sweeper,
he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted,
or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts
of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

The price of success is hard work,
dedication to the job at hand,
and the determination that whether we win or lose,
we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand.
- Vince Lombardi

My mother worked in factories, worked as a domestic,
worked in a restaurant, always had a second job.
- Ed Bradley

We must trust our own thinking.
Trust where we're going.
And get the job done.
- Wilma Mankiller

I like the job. That's what I'll miss the most...
I'm not sure anybody ever liked this as much as I've liked it.
- William J. Clinton

What new technology does is create new opportunities
to do a job that customers want done.
- Tim O'Reilly

Are you feeling stressed and upset?
If so, you are worrying about tomorrow.
Events that have already occurred may cause you regret,
but they only appear to cause worry.
If you just lost your job, you are not worrying about losing your job -
that already happened.
You are worrying about paying your bills and finding a new job.
Those are worries about tomorrow.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you don't take full responsibility
for your own happiness,
who do you suppose will?
Your happiness is a one person job -
it begins and ends with you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

My son is now an 'entrepreneur.' That's what you're
called when you don't have a job.
- Ted Turner

Choose a job you love,
and you will never have to work a day in your life.
- Confucius

If you put all your strength and faith and vigor into
a job and try to do the best you can,
the money will come.
- Lawrence Welk

And to get real work experience, you need a job,
and most jobs will require you to have had either real
work experience or a graduate degree.
- Donald Norman

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home,
I've done my job.
- Roseanne Barr

You can always tell a real friend: when you've made
a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.
- Laurence J. Peter

Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I would say that IQ is the strongest predictor of which
field you can get into and hold a job in,
whether you can be an accountant, lawyer or nurse,
for example.
- Daniel Goleman

You better take advantage of the good cigars.
You don't get much else in that job.
- Thomas P. O'Neill

Living in fear of anything is a terrible waste
of what could be a great life.
If you live in fear of losing your job,
either you fear the embarrassment of being jobless,
or you fear the loss of material goods -
house, car, and such.
If you live in fear of losing your stuff and money,
it is clear that they own you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A person cannot love a plant after he has pruned it,
then he has either done a poor job or is devoid of emotion.
- Liberty Hyde Bailey

Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
- Franklin P. Jones

There's a trick to the Graceful Exit.
It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage,
a relationship is over - and to let go.
It means leaving what's over without denying its value.
- Ellen Goodman

I met an American woman and got married so I had to get a job.
- Walter Wager

Maturity is the ability to do a job
whether or not you are supervised,
to carry money without spending it,
and to bear an injustice without wanting to get even.
- Ann Landers

God will forgive me.
It's his job.
- Heinrich Heine

The job of the Central Bank is to worry.
- Alice Rivlin

Not everyone is always going to like what you do.
Your job application, your book proposal,
your offer of marriage is going to
get rejected sometimes - perhaps often.
Your boss, your spouse, even the person
behind you in the supermarket checkout line
is occasionally going to think that you are doing it all wrong.
Don't take it personally.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Whatever your life's work is, do it well.
A man should do his job so well that the living,
the dead, and the unborn could do it no better.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

It is a mistake for a sculptor or a painter to speak
or write very often about his job.
It releases tension needed for his work.
- Henry Moore

The only thing to do is to hug one's friend tight and do one's job.
- Edith Wharton

It's a terribly hard job to spend a billion dollars
and get your money's worth.
- George M. Humphrey

I think the person who takes a job in order to live -
that is to say, for the money -
has turned himself into a slave.
- Joseph Campbell

Sometimes, our family's most important job
is reminding us how unimportant we are.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

To be successful, a woman has to be much better at her job than a man.
- Golda Meir

The most terrible job in warfare is to be a second lieutenant
leading a platoon when you are on the battlefield.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

It is not my place to doubt the sincere beliefs of others.
My job is to question my own beliefs.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Know that miracles are the natural way of the Universe
Your only job is to move your doubting mind out of the way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Outsiders can help, but insiders must do the job.
- Jimmy Yen

You must pursue this investigation of Watergate even
if it leads to the president.
I'm innocent.
You've got to believe I'm innocent.
If you don't, take my job.
- Richard M. Nixon

No, they don't appreciate you - and it's not their job.
It's your own job to appreciate yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Whenever you are asked if you can do a job,
tell 'em, Certainly I Can. -
and get busy and find out how to do it.
- Theodore Roosevelt

My God, this is a hell of a job. I have no trouble with my enemies.
I can take care of my enemies all right.
But my damn friends, my goddamn friends.
They're the ones that keep me walking the floor at night.
- Warren G. Harding

Working at a job you hate is unlikely
to bring you either happiness or success.
Do what you love. You are far more likely to gain success -
recognition and financial reward - if you are working
at something that inspires and excites you.
And, whether wealth follows or not, you will be happy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If kids come to educators and teachers from strong,
healthy functioning families, it makes our job easier.
If they do not come to us from strong,
healthy, functioning families, it makes our job more important.
- Barbara Colorose

I'm lucky because I have a job I love.
I really miss being away from home, being in my own bed,
seeing my animals and siblings, having my moms cookies.
I have a couple cats.
I got a kitten about a year ago and now Im going on
the road so I wont see him for a while.
I feel bad.
- Michelle Branch

I've never felt like I was in the cookie business.
I've always been in a feel good feeling business.
My job is to sell joy.
My job is to sell happiness.
My job is to sell an experience.
- Debbi Fields

For years my wedding ring has done its job.
It has led me not into temptation.
It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties
that it's time to go home.
It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion.
It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.
- Erma Bombeck

The ending of a job or a relationship
may appear as the darkest night,
but it is merely the Winter season -
the time of renewal and rebirth
that precedes the new planting -
the beginning of the next great cycle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Dreaming in public is an important part of our job description,
as science writers, but there are bad dreams as well as good dreams.
We're dreamers, you see, but we're also realists,
of a sort.
- William Gibson

Release your burdens - your fears, regrets,
guilts, shames, embarrassments, angers.
One by one, pick up each memory or fear that troubles you,
hold it close, and release it to the Universe.
Release each incident from your past that still bothers you.
Release each fear - your fears about your health,
your family, your job, and every other fear.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I was told to avoid the business all together because of the rejection.
People would say to me, 'Don't you want to have a normal
job and a normal family?' I guess that would be good advice for some people,
but I wanted to act.
- Jennifer Aniston

If you don't enjoy your career,
today is the day to begin a long-term plan
for creating a career that interests and excites you.
And, in the short term, even if you hate your job,
look for small joys at work each day,
perhaps in your interactions with customers and co-workers.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You can learn how to let go of the past.
Whether you have experienced a break up
with someone you cared for deeply,
whether death has taken a loved one,
whether you have had a feud with a friend or family member,
whether you have lost a job.
Move on and let go.
Life can be joyful and rewarding again.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I think that basketball players should get the job
done no matter how it looks on the screen.
- Oscar Robertson

I love argument, I love debate.
I don't expect anyone just to sit there and agree with me,
that's not their job.
- Margaret Thatcher

Everybody's got a job to do, and I do mine as best I can.
- Marlee Matlin

I quit my job just to quit.
I didn't quit my job to write fiction.
I just didn't want to work anymore.
- Don DeLillo

The last job I applied for was to be a bus driver for
the Chicago Transit Authority in 1957.
- Vernon Jordan

I am no longer sure that when I go out there and do
my job it'll even see the light of air,
if the experience of my network colleagues is anything to go by.
- Christiane Amanpour

Masochism is a valuable job skill.
- Chuck Palahniuk

Innovation is creativity with a job to do.
- John Emmerling


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.