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Let these funny Application Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Not everyone is always going to like what you do.
Your job application, your book proposal,
your offer of marriage is going to
get rejected sometimes - perhaps often.
Your boss, your spouse, even the person
behind you in the supermarket checkout line
is occasionally going to think that you are doing it all wrong.
Don't take it personally.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
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"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb
I am not afraid of storms
for I am learning how to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon
For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty
It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Do not laugh much or often or unrestrainedly.
- Epictetus
The wine of youth does not always
clear with advancing years;
sometimes it grows turbid.
- Carl Jung
Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill
I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
Do not speak to me of rules.
This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- from the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai
People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw
The function of muscle is to pull and not to push,
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.
- Leonardo da Vinci
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz
My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain
The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
It's not very heroic to slay dragons.
Dragons are generally very peaceful and well behaved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.