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Let these funny Stakes Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Life is too short, time is too precious,
and the stakes are too high
to dwell on what might have been.
- Hilary Clinton
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.
- African Proverb
The life of inner peace,
being harmonious and without stress,
is the easiest type of existence.
- Norman Vincent Peale
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek
Life is best when I wish neither to hurry the future nor to slow it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.
- Anonymous
Happiness is a figment of the imagination.
Imagine happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If life is a bowl of cherries, then what am I doing in the pits?
- Erma Bombeck
Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller
The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The most powerful force in the universe is: gossip.
- Dave Barry
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer
but wish we didn't.
- Erica Jong
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Anyone who isn't confused,
really doesn't understand the situation.
- Edward R. Murrow
Life is really simple,
but we insist on making it complicated.
- Confucius
You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen
I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin
They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
Knavery and flattery are blood relations.
- Abraham Lincoln
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump
Life is lived in the living.
Set aside convention, caution,
and arbitrary "rules" about how
life is supposed to be lived.
Choose! Explore! Adventure!
Live life to the fullest.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is without meaning.
You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is
whatever you ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
- Joseph Campbell
We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
It's never too late -
never too late to start over,
never too late to be happy.
- Jane Fonda
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
Any idiot can face a crisis.
It's the day-to-day living that wears you out.
- Anton Chekhov
Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
She generally gave herself very good advice,
(though she very seldom followed it).
- Lewis Carroll
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.