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Let these funny Shipwrecked Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Whoever undertakes to set himself up
as a judge of Truth and Knowledge
is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods.
- Albert Einstein
I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase
Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters
cannot be trusted with important matters.
- Albert Einstein
Whoever does not regard what he has
as most ample wealth, is unhappy,
though he be master of the world.
- Epictetus
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Whoever is happy will make others happy too.
- Anne Frank
Love is an act of faith,
and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.
- Erich Fromm
Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge,
but he who hates correction is stupid.
- Anonymous
Nothing is more valuable than your self respect.
When you lose respect for yourself, you have lost everything.
Whatever it takes, and whoever you upset,
do what you know - deep inside - is the right thing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
Where There is Love, Nothing is Missing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Know that where there is love, nothing is missing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When a person doesn't have gratitude,
something is missing in his or her humanity.
A person can almost be defined by
his or her attitude toward gratitude.
- Elie Wiesel
Loneliness is not what it seems.
One does not feel lonely because one is alone,
but because of a feeling of lack -
a feeling that something is missing.
Loneliness is essentially independent
of how many other humans are around.
It has much more to do with one's self-esteem -
one's sense of inherent worth.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Existence needs you.
Without you, something will be missing
in existence and nobody can replace it.
Thats what gives you dignity,
that the whole existence will miss you.
- Osho
Love is missing someone whenever you're apart,
but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart.
- Kay Knudsen
Nothing is missing - Lack is an illusion.
We always have everything we truly need.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Whenever God wakes in us, our thinking
becomes clear - nothing is missing.
- St. Thomas Aquinas
We ourselves feel that what we are doing
is just a drop in the ocean.
But the ocean would be less
because of that missing drop.
- Mother Teresa
When you are alone you are not alone,
you are simply lonely -
and there is a tremendous difference
between loneliness and aloneness.
When you are lonely you are thinking of the other,
you are missing the other.
Loneliness is a negative state.
You are feeling that it would have been
better if the other were there -
your friend, your wife, your mother,
your beloved, your husband.
It would have been good if the other
were there, but the other is not.
Loneliness is absence of the other.
Aloneness is the presence of oneself.
Aloneness is very positive.
It is a presence, overflowing presence.
You are so full of presence
that you can fill the whole universe
with your presence and there is no need for anybody.
- Osho
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It's not a mess.
It's a physical manifestation of
a wonderfully complex ability to
assess and compartmentalize information.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin
Ending a sentence with a preposition is
something up with which I will not put.
- Winston Churchill
Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
The wine of youth does not always
clear with advancing years;
sometimes it grows turbid.
- Carl Jung
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
The function of muscle is to pull and not to push,
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.
- Leonardo da Vinci
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.