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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Spending Quotes
Funny Quotes about Spending

Let these funny Spending Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase

Maturity is the ability to do a job
whether or not you are supervised,
to carry money without spending it,
and to bear an injustice without wanting to get even.
- Ann Landers

I sincerely believe that banking establishments
are more dangerous than standing armies,
and that the principle of spending money
to be paid by posterity, under the name of funding,
is but swindling futurity on a large scale.
- Thomas Jefferson

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner


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Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

Too many people spend money they haven't earned,
to buy things they don't want,
to impress people they don't like.
- Will Rogers

Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money
they don't have for something they don't need.
- Will Rogers


 

Most of us spend our lives as if
we have another one in the bank.
- Ben Irwin

To a very young child, mommy and daddy are gods.
We spend our lives looking to regain
that sense of being cared for and protected.
Thus religion.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Yesterday is a canceled check;
tomorrow is a
promissory note;
today is the only cash you have;
so spend it wisely.
- Kay Lyons

Keep close to Nature's heart...
and break clear away, once in awhile,
and climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods.
Wash your spirit clean.
- John Muir

If we spend the time we waste in sighing
for the perfect golden fruit
in fulfilling the conditions of its growth,
happiness will come, must come.
It is guaranteed in the very laws of the universe.
If it involves some chastening and renunciation, well,
the fruit will be all the sweeter for this touch of holiness.
- Helen Keller

It is your own life, certainly, to spend as you choose.
- Tanya, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer

Today, I Will Spend Time In Silence.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Many people allow their need
for other people's approval to control their lives.
They spend their lives worrying about what others think of them.
- Rick Warren

A nation that continues year after year
to spend more money on military defense
than on programs of social uplift
is approaching spiritual doom.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

How we spend our days is of course
how we spend our lives.
- Annie Dillard

Instead of worrying about what people say of you,
why not spend time trying to accomplish
something they will admire.
- Dale Carnegie

Give me six hours to chop down a tree
and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.
- Abraham Lincoln

Spend some time alone every day.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

None is more impoverished than the one who has no gratitude.
Gratitude is a currency that we can mint for ourselves,
and spend without fear of bankruptcy.
- Fred De Witt Van Amburgh

Never spend your money before you have earned it.
- Thomas Jefferson

When I am getting ready to reason with a man,
I spend one-third of my time thinking about myself
and what I am going to say
and two-thirds about him and what he is going to say.
- Abraham Lincoln

If I had eight hours to chop down a tree,
I'd spend six hours sharpening my ax.
- Abraham Lincoln

Spend time every day listening to what your muse is trying to tell you.
- Saint Bartholomew

If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm,
you'll never enjoy the sunshine.
- Morris West

While you can and should keep your composure and happiness
regardless of circumstances - regardless of your friends,
family and co-workers - regardless of gossip, sarcasm, and negativity.
Nonetheless, life is much easier and more pleasant
when you spend as much time as possible
in the company of enthusiastic positive people -
not necessarily those who agree with you,
but those who respect your right to your point of view.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is wonderful how much time good people spend fighting the devil.
If they would only expend the same
amount of energy loving their fellow men,
the devil would die in his own tracks of ennui.
- Helen Keller

While most managers spend their time attempting
to predict the future accurately -
and while that's valuable -
the best managers are able to generate a future
which was not going to happen otherwise -
that is, a future which was not predictable.
- Werner Erhard

"Mother Teresa Prayer"
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
... Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you
of selfish, ulterior motives;
... Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some
false friends and some true enemies;
... Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
... Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
... Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
... Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
... Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
... Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.
We can do no great things - only small things with great love.
- although commonly attributed to Mother Teresa,
who kept a copy of this prayer on
the wall of her Calcutta orphanage,
this prayer was actually written by Kent Keith.

He who spends time regretting the past,
loses the present and risks the future.
- Quevedo

If a man walks in the woods for love of them half of each day,
he is in danger of being regarded as a loafer.
But if he spends his days as a speculator,
shearing off those woods and making the earth bald before her time,
he is deemed an industrious and enterprising citizen.
- Henry David Thoreau

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous

I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale

The time-traveling is just too dangerous.
Better that I devote myself to study
the other great mystery of the universe - women!
- the movie Back to the Future II

Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

This is my ultimate fantasy:
watching QVC with a credit card
while making love and eating at the same time.
- Yasmine Bleeth

Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain

Manners require time, and nothing is more vulgar than haste.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx

Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.
- Henry David Thoreau

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

Well excuse me - we've got something
a little unusual going on here -
time travel, parallel universes,
or just a little common ordinary insanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.
- Lao Tzu

Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
- Woody Allen

The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill

The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.
- Sydney Harris

Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller

No good comes from hurrying.
- Yiddish Proverb

One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide

"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin

A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson

"The time has come," the walrus said, "to talk of many things:
of shoes and ships - and sealing wax - of cabbages and kings."
- Lewis Carroll

The bad news is time flies.
The good news is you're the pilot.
- Michael Althsuler

Footprints in the sands of time...
Where have you been?
Where are you going?
Why are you going there?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There is only one time that is important - NOW!
It is the most important time because
it is the only time that we have any power.
- Leo Tolstoy

A time for work, a time for play -
balance in all things.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You will never find time for anything.
If you want time you must make it.
- Charles Buxton

The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Once you have mastered time,
you will understand how true it is that
most people overestimate what
they can accomplish in a year -
and underestimate what
they can achieve in a decade!
- Tony Robbins

Find a time and place of solitude.
Look into the distance, and into the future.
Visualize the tomorrow you are going to build -
and begin to build that tomorrow, today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The finest workers in stone are not copper or steel tools,
but the gentle touches of air and water
working at their leisure with a liberal allowance of time.
- Henry David Thoreau

Who forces time is pushed back by time;
who yields to time finds time on his side.
- The Talmud

Let your life lightly dance on the edges of Time
like dew on the tip of a leaf.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Life is like an onion:
you peel it off one layer at a time,
and sometimes you weep.
- Carl Sandburg


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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