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Funny Pressure Quotes
Funny Quotes about Pressure

Let these funny Pressure Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

I hear many people talk about their longing for a balanced life.
What I think they are really expressing
is a desire for a life with less pressure.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

It seems that we have it backward in our society.
We tend to look up to people
who are under a great deal of stress,
who can handle loads of stress,
and those who are under a great deal of pressure.
- Richard Carlson

Pick up a stone that feels good to you
and is small enough to hold in one hand.
Consider how long that stone has been around
and what enormous pressure it has experienced.
Draw strength from its long history.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

When we hate our enemies, we are
giving them power over us:
power over our sleep, our appetites,
our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness.
Our enemies would dance with joy if only
they knew how they were worrying us,
lacerating us, and getting even with us!
Our hate is not hurting them at all,
but our hate is turning our own days
and nights into a hellish turmoil.
- Dale Carnegie


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A man does what he must - in spite of personal consequences,
in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures -
and that is the basis of all human morality.
- John F. Kennedy

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand


 

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein

The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch

Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill

Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer

God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau

It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau

The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson

An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill

Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh

I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung

Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln

The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter

When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln

Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde

Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius

A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates

A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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