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Let these funny Loads Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Every increased possession
loads us with a new weariness.
- John Ruskin
It seems that we have it backward in our society.
We tend to look up to people
who are under a great deal of stress,
who can handle loads of stress,
and those who are under a great deal of pressure.
- Richard Carlson
Whenever you are angry, be assured that
it is not only a present evil,
but that you have increased a habit.
- Epictetus
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
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To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
The will to believe chases out the rational mind,
whenever and wherever the two come into conflict.
- Philip K. Dick
Whenever I feel the need to exercise,
I lie down until it goes away.
- Robert Maynard Hutchins
Some cause happiness wherever they go;
others whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde
Whenever I find the key to success,
someone changes the lock.
- Anonymous
Discourage litigation.
Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can.
As a peacemaker the lawyer has
superior opportunity of being a good man.
There will still be business enough.
- Abraham Lincoln
We disrespect ourselves and our free-will
whenever we say that we NEED to do something.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Whenever a man or women is truly inspired,
it is because the same One Universal Spirit
is doing the inspiring.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Love is missing someone whenever you're apart,
but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart.
- Kay Knudsen
I can release my "responsibilities",
and be "impractical" whenever I choose.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Whenever I look in the mirror,
I say to myself: "That Is The Face Of God."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Whenever you are asked if you can do a job,
tell 'em, Certainly I Can. -
and get busy and find out how to do it.
- Theodore Roosevelt
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority,
it is time to pause and reflect.
- Mark Twain
Whenever you do a thing,
act as if all the world were watching.
- Thomas Jefferson
Whenever you're in conflict with someone,
there is one factor that can make the difference
between damaging your relationship and deepening it.
That factor is attitude.
- William James
Whenever I look at a human face,
I say to myself: "That Is The Face Of God."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Where there is unconditional love,
there is no room for unhappiness.
Whenever I look in the mirror today,
I will say to myself: "That Is The Face Of God."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be kind whenever possible; and it is always possible.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
Whenever God wakes in us, our thinking
becomes clear - nothing is missing.
- St. Thomas Aquinas
Whenever a man has cast a longing eye on offices,
a rottenness begins in his conduct.
- Thomas Jefferson
Whenever the people are well-informed,
they can be trusted with their own government.
- Thomas Jefferson
Whenever the World Frowns, I Smile Back.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery,
I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.
- Abraham Lincoln
Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming
that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
We cause ourselves untold misery whenever we believe
others to be imperfect and try to change them.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
This country, with its institutions,
belongs to the people who inhabit it.
Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government,
they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it,
or exercise their revolutionary right to overthrow it.
- Abraham Lincoln
May God grant you always...
A sunbeam to warm you,
a moonbeam to charm you,
a sheltering Angel so nothing can harm you.
Laughter to you.
Faithful friends near you.
And whenever you pray,
Heaven to hear you.
- Irish Blessing
Happiness lies in accepting everyone
in our lives EXACTLY as they are.
We cause ourselves untold misery whenever
we believe others to be imperfect and try to change them.
This is the number one rule for a happy relationship.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Whenever I look at a human face today,
I will say to myself: "That Is The Face Of God."
Whenever I look in the mirror today,
I will say to myself: "That Is The Face Of God."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Whenever you choose to carry resentment and hatred,
you are shouldering an immense burden that damages
your happiness, and often your health.
Does it matter that your resentment and hatred are "justified?"
Only you suffer - not the person you resent.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Anger and Danger are intimately intertwined.
An angry person is a dangerous person,
whether that person crosses our path
or whether the angry person is ourself.
To complete the anger/danger cycle,
whenever we feel threatened -
when we believe we are in danger -
we tend to exhibit anger as well as fear.
We look for someone to blame for the dangerous situation,
and direct our anger toward them.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Allow the president to invade a neighboring nation,
whenever he shall deem it necessary to repel an invasion,
and you allow him to do so whenever he may choose
to say he deems it necessary for such a purpose -
and you allow him to make war at pleasure.
- Abraham Lincoln
Home is our sanctuary, where we:
relax into being ourselves,
play with our inner child,
paint the walls green and pink,
dig in the dirt,
grow something,
love somebody else,
love ourselves even more,
snuggle with a warm blanket on a Sunday afternoon,
hang "go away" on the door whenever we want,
clean and tidy often... or never,
launch from and return to,
are truly ourselves.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Christmas ... is not a date. It is a state of mind.
- Mary Ellen Chase
Lighten up! Slow down the shopping.
Your greatest gift to your family and friends is yourself -
your relaxed, happy, and fully-present self.
Consider gifting hand-made cards with messages
of true appreciation in place of store-bought presents.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Christmas waves a magic wand over this world,
and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.
- Norman Vincent Peale
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree
is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.
- Burton Hills
Every day is Christmas when you are open to receiving love.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.
- Dr. Seuss
Lighten up, have a rainbows and butterflies kind of day.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world.
I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard
Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;
courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
- Winston Churchill
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her,
and after half an hour
I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
- the movie Take the Money and Run (1969)
My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner
They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)
I have faith. I just need proof to back it up.
- the movie Simon Birch
If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra
I always arrive late at the office,
but I make up for it by leaving early.
- Charles Lamb
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
Few things are harder to put up with
than the annoyance of a good example.
- Mark Twain
Creationists make it sound as though a "theory'
is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.
- Isaac Asimov
I was wise enough to never grow up
while fooling most people into believing I had.
- Margaret Mead
I am fond of pigs.
Dogs look up to us.
Cats look down on us.
Pigs treat us as equals.
- Winston Churchill
If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
This being grown up isn't all it's cracked up to be.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.