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Let these funny Muster Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Beginning today, treat everyone you meet
as if they were going to be dead by midnight.
Extend to them all the care,
kindness and understanding you can muster,
and do with no thought of any reward.
Your life will never be the same again.
- Og Mandino
I advocate speaking words of love
with all the sincerity that can be mustered,
as frequently as possible.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Stupidity is also a gift of God,
but one mustn't misuse it.
- Pope John Paul II
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
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Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
The difference between stupidity and genius
is that genius has its limits.
- Albert Einstein
Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
- Robert A. Heinlein
I hate war as only a soldier who has lived it can,
only as one who has seen its brutality, its futility, its stupidity.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
To forget one's purpose is the commonest form of stupidity.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Nothing in all the world is more dangerous
than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin
I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi
Praying is important when you wake up
at two o'clock in the morning
feeling sick from eating something dumb the day before.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
The will to believe chases out the rational mind,
whenever and wherever the two come into conflict.
- Philip K. Dick
Having two bathrooms ruined the capacity to co-operate.
- Margaret Mead
The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years
to have breakfast together,
but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.
- Winston Churchill
When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein
There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather
Every tomorrow has two handles.
We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety
or the handle of faith.
- Henry Ward Beecher
Understanding is a two-way street.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated;
you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
- David Lloyd George
Prejudice is a two-edged sword.
Like the steel sort of sword, it's very sharp, very useful,
and very dangerous if not properly mastered.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Sadness is but a wall between two gardens.
- Khalil Gibran
A Great Relationship is the Dance of Two Great Lives.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We were given:
Two hands to hold.
Two legs to walk.
Two eyes to see.
Two ears to listen.
But why only one heart?
Because the other was given to someone else.
For us to find.
- Anonymous
Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies.
- Aristotle
At the beginning and at the end of love,
the two lovers are embarrassed to find themselves alone.
- Jean de la Bruyere
If there are dreams about a beautiful South Africa,
there are also roads that lead to their goal.
Two of these roads could be named Goodness and Forgiveness.
- Nelson Mandela
As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands.
One for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
- Audrey Hepburn
Peace and justice are two sides of the same coin.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Falling in love and having a relationship
are two different things.
- Keanu Reeves
Unity can only be manifested by the Binary.
Unity itself and the idea of Unity are already two.
- The Buddha
People sort themselves into groups
of happy people and unhappy people
through two different, but complementary mechanisms,
influence and affinity.
I influence those around me
with my emotional state, either happy or unhappy.
At the same time, I feel an affinity
for others who are like me in some way -
in this case by sharing my emotional outlook on life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Love is a game that two can play and both win.
- Eva Gabor
Friendship is one mind in two bodies.
- Mencius
A wise man hears one word and understands two.
- Yiddish Proverb
It takes two to speak the truth:
one to speak, and another to hear.
- Henry David Thoreau
Friendship is a strong and habitual inclination in two persons
to promote the good and happiness of one another.
- Eustace Budgell
I had three chairs in my house;
one for solitude, two for friendship, three for society.
- Henry David Thoreau
Cause and effect are two sides of one fact.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth;
not going all the way, and not starting.
- The Buddha
To live a satisfying life requires two steps...
1. Plan your life goals.
2. Act on your plan - every day.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Music fills the infinite between two souls.
- Rabindranath Tagore
The two powers which in my opinion constitute a wise man
are those of bearing and forbearing.
- Epictetus
The career of a sage is of two kinds:
He is either honored by all in the world,
Like a flower waving its head,
Or else he disappears into the silent forest.
- Lao Tzu
Winners must have two things:
definite goals and a burning desire to achieve them.
- Anonymous
Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.
- Aristotle
All philosophy lies in two words,
sustain and abstain.
- Epictetus
Friendship is not possible between two women
one of whom is very well dressed.
- Laurie Colwin
Pride comes in two flavors -
be careful which you choose -
choose honor, not ego.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
People generally complain about only two things:
when they have less than yesterday,
and when they have less than their neighbor.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.