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Let these funny Impasse Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Have we not come to such an impasse in the modern world
that we must love our enemies - or else?
The chain reaction of evil -
hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars -
must be broken, or else we shall be plunged
into the dark abyss of annihilation.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
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Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill
Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin
Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
It's not very heroic to slay dragons.
Dragons are generally very peaceful and well behaved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
A ship in harbor is safe -
but that is not what ships are for.
- John A. Shedd
It's not a mess.
It's a physical manifestation of
a wonderfully complex ability to
assess and compartmentalize information.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon
Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard
People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
Do not speak to me of rules.
This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- from the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz
My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
The mind is not a vessel to be filled
but a fire to be kindled.
- Plutarch
I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead
The function of muscle is to pull and not to push,
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.
- Leonardo da Vinci
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.