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Funny Handles Quotes
Funny Quotes about Handles

Let these funny Handles Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Every tomorrow has two handles.
We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety
or the handle of faith.
- Henry Ward Beecher

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure.
I make mistakes, I am out of control
and at times hard to handle.
But if you can't handle me at my worst,
then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
- Marilyn Monroe

It seems that we have it backward in our society.
We tend to look up to people
who are under a great deal of stress,
who can handle loads of stress,
and those who are under a great deal of pressure.
- Richard Carlson


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Always take hold of things by the smooth handle.
- Thomas Jefferson

The size of your success is measured by
the strength of your desire;
the size of your dream;
and how you handle disappointment along the way.
- Robert Kiyosaki

You can live the life you love -
even in the face of the most challenging circumstances.
While sometimes it may appear that life throws more obstacles
in your path than you can handle,
you can always choose to be happy.
Yes, you are that powerful.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


 

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle.
I just wish he didn't trust me so much.
- Mother Teresa

It is a mistake to look too far ahead.
Only one link in the chain of destiny
can be handled at a time.
- Winston Churchill

Governing a great nation is like cooking a small fish -
too much handling will spoil it.
- Lao Tzu

People in their handlings of affairs
often fail when they are about to succeed.
If one remains as careful at the end
as he was at the beginning,
there will be no failure.
- Lao Tzu

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer

Some cause happiness wherever they go;
others whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde

We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton

Half the world is composed of idiots,
the other half, of people clever enough
to take indecent advantage of them.
- Walter Kerr

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek

I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia.
I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture,
and kill them.
- the movie Full Metal Jacket

The Lord prefers common-looking people.
That is why he makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.
- Mark Twain

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Most of what we call management consists of
making it difficult for people to get their work done.
- Peter F. Drucker

Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people
by the people for the people.
- Oscar Wilde

To go against the dominant thinking of your friends,
of most of the people you see every day,
is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.
- Theodore H. White

There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi

An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.
- Don Marquis

Oh, you weak, beautiful people
who give up with such grace.
What you need is someone to take hold of you -
gently, with love, and hand your life back to you.
- Tennessee Williams

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
- Charles M. Schulz

Too many people spend money they haven't earned,
to buy things they don't want,
to impress people they don't like.
- Will Rogers

Some people are so heavenly minded
that they are no earthly good.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Unless they share our opinions,
we seldom find people sensible.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin

Common looking people are the best in the world:
that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous

Join the army. Visit strange and exotic places.
Meet fascinating people. And kill them.
- Anonymous

Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung

People who are wrapped up in themselves make small packages.
- Benjamin Franklin

People living their lives for you on TV;
They say they're better than you, and you agree.
- Jewel

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

History is the version of past events
that people have decided to agree upon.
- Napoleon Bonaparte

The trouble with having an open mind, of course,
is that people will insist on coming along
and trying to put things in it.
- Terry Pratchett

Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
- Anonymous

People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
- Dave Barry

Do something wonderful, people may imitate it.
- Albert Schweitzer

When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie

If you're going to tell people the truth,
be funny or they'll kill you.
- Billy Wilder

People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw

The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain

In religion and politics, people's belief's and convictions
are in almost every case gotten at second hand,
and without examination
- Mark Twain

The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain

Religion is regarded by the common people as true,
by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

You can safely assume that you've
created God in your own image
when it turns out that God hates
all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott

Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money
they don't have for something they don't need.
- Will Rogers

Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher

All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

I was wise enough to never grow up
while fooling most people into believing I had.
- Margaret Mead

There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie

I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha

The most important service rendered
by the press and the magazines
is that of educating people
to approach printed matter with distrust.
- Samuel Butler


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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