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Funny Business Quotes
Funny Quotes about Business

Let these funny Business Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you have a job without any aggravations, you don't have a job.
- Malcolm S. Forbes (wealthy publisher)

This report, by its very length, defends itself
against the risk of being read.
- Winston Churchill

My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy


 

I always arrive late at the office,
but I make up for it by leaving early.
- Charles Lamb

Don't underestimate your abilities,
that's your boss's job.
- Anonymous

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain


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The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
- Arabic Proverb and Chinese Proverb

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Most of what we call management consists of
making it difficult for people to get their work done.
- Peter F. Drucker

Winners Dream Big Dreams.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Getting fired is nature's way to telling you
that you had the wrong job in the first place.
- Hal Lancaster

Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business
in which no cumulative wisdom is gained:
each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.
- Bill Cosby

If you want to make peace with your enemy,
you have to work with your enemy.
Then he becomes your partner.
- Nelson Mandela

When we step on the battlefield, I will be
The First Boots On and the Last Boots Off.
- LtG. Hal Moore

Individually, we are one drop.
Together, we are an ocean.
- Ryunosuke Satoro

I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau

Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation.
- Dale Carnegie

Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain

In modern business it is not the crook who is to be feared most,
it is the honest man who doesn't know what he is doing.
- William Wordsworth

Business is in itself a power.
- Garet Garrett

The man of genius inspires us with
a boundless confidence in our own powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I don't think meals have any business being deductible.
I'm for separation of calories and corporations.
- Ralph Nader

You can close more business in two months
by becoming interested in other people
than you can in two years by trying
to get people interested in you.
- Dale Carnegie

Business is a combination of war and sport.
- Andre Maurois

Business, more than any other occupation,
is a continual dealing with the future;
it is a continual calculation,
an instinctive exercise in foresight.
- Henry R. Luce

If you can build a business up big enough,
it's respectable.
- Will Rogers

It's work only if I say it's work,
but it's play if I say it's fun.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The incestuous relationship between government and
big business thrives in the dark.
- Jack Anderson

Business is never so healthy as when,
like a chicken, it must do a certain amount of scratching around for what it gets.
- Henry Ford

The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor
upon the business known as gambling.
- Ambrose Bierce

If a man is called to be a street sweeper,
he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted,
or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts
of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Every young man would do well to remember that all
successful business stands on the foundation of morality.
- Henry Ward Beecher

In the business world, everyone is paid in two coins:
cash and experience.
Take the experience first; the cash will come later.
- Harold S. Geneen

Whenever an individual or a business decides that success has been attained,
progress stops.
- Thomas J. Watson

The best way to predict the future is to create it.
- Peter F. Drucker

Punctuality is one of the cardinal business virtues:
always insist on it in your subordinates.
- Don Marquis

The secret of business is to know something that nobody else knows.
- Aristotle Onassis

Business, that's easily defined - it's other people's money.
- Peter Drucker

Belief is a virus, and once it gets into you,
its first order of business is to preserve itself,
and the way it preserves itself
is to keep you from having any doubts,
and the way it keeps you from doubting
is to blind you to the way things really are.
- Philip Caputo

Only he is successful in his business who makes that pursuit
which affords him the highest pleasure sustain him.
- Henry David Thoreau

You can discover what your enemy fears most
by observing the means he uses to frighten you.
- Michael Moncur

Only a monopolist could study a business and ruin it by giving away products.
- Scott McNealy

Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear.
- Albert Camus

Our business is infested with idiots who try to impress
by using pretentious jargon.
- David Ogilvy

All lasting business is built on friendship.
- Alfred A. Montapert

Profit in business comes from repeat customers,
customers that boast about your project or service,
and that bring friends with them.
- W. Edwards Deming

Success or failure in business is caused more by the
mental attitude even than by mental capacities.
- Walter Scott

Give somebody a gold star - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

In business or in life, don't follow the wagon tracks too closely.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Discourage litigation.
Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can.
As a peacemaker the lawyer has
superior opportunity of being a good man.
There will still be business enough.
- Abraham Lincoln

If you don't drive your business, you will be driven out of business.
- B. C. Forbes

Government in the U.S.
today is a senior partner in every business in the country.
- Norman Cousins

The genius of a good leader is to leave behind him
a situation which common sense,
without the grace of genius, can deal with successfully.
- Walter Lippmann

Whales only get harpooned when they come to the surface,
and turtles can only move forward when they stick their neck out,
but investors face risk no matter what they do.
- Charles A. Jaffe

Carpe per diem - seize the check.
- Robin Williams

Happiness does not come from doing easy work but from
the afterglow of satisfaction that comes after the
achievement of a difficult task that demanded our best.
- Theodore Isaac Rubin

My son is now an 'entrepreneur.' That's what you're
called when you don't have a job.
- Ted Turner

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return.
It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.
- Arthur C. Clarke

The expert in battle seeks his victory
from strategic advantage
and does not demand it from his men.
- Sun Tzu

Leaders are those who empower others.
- Bill Gates

Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition
of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.
- Scott Adams

About the time we can make the ends meet,
somebody moves the ends.
- Herbert Hoover

Hell, there are no rules here - we're trying to accomplish something.
- Thomas A. Edison

The success of a project is best predicted
by the enthusiasm of its participants.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Be a yardstick of quality.
Some people aren't used to an environment
where excellence is expected.
- Steve Jobs

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why
the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
- Laurence J. Peter

The leader who exercises power with honor will work from the inside out,
starting with himself.
- Blaine Lee

Unless both sides win,
no agreement can be permanent.
- Jimmy Carter

To think that the new economy is over is like somebody
in London in 1830 saying the entire industrial revolution
is over because some textile manufacturers in Manchester went broke.
- Alvin Toffler

When you are in any contest,
you should work as if there were -
to the very last minute - a chance to lose it.
This is battle, this is politics, this is anything.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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