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Funny Business Quotes
Funny Quotes about Business

Let these funny Business Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Winners Dream Big Dreams.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
- Arabic Proverb and Chinese Proverb

Don't underestimate your abilities,
that's your boss's job.
- Anonymous

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)


 

Most of what we call management consists of
making it difficult for people to get their work done.
- Peter F. Drucker

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

This report, by its very length, defends itself
against the risk of being read.
- Winston Churchill


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My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy

If you have a job without any aggravations, you don't have a job.
- Malcolm S. Forbes (wealthy publisher)

Getting fired is nature's way to telling you
that you had the wrong job in the first place.
- Hal Lancaster

Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I always arrive late at the office,
but I make up for it by leaving early.
- Charles Lamb

When we step on the battlefield, I will be
The First Boots On and the Last Boots Off.
- LtG. Hal Moore

Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain

Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation.
- Dale Carnegie

If you want to make peace with your enemy,
you have to work with your enemy.
Then he becomes your partner.
- Nelson Mandela

Individually, we are one drop.
Together, we are an ocean.
- Ryunosuke Satoro

I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau

It's work only if I say it's work,
but it's play if I say it's fun.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The man of genius inspires us with
a boundless confidence in our own powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

You can close more business in two months
by becoming interested in other people
than you can in two years by trying
to get people interested in you.
- Dale Carnegie

You can discover what your enemy fears most
by observing the means he uses to frighten you.
- Michael Moncur

Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear.
- Albert Camus

Only he is successful in his business who makes that pursuit
which affords him the highest pleasure sustain him.
- Henry David Thoreau

Belief is a virus, and once it gets into you,
its first order of business is to preserve itself,
and the way it preserves itself
is to keep you from having any doubts,
and the way it keeps you from doubting
is to blind you to the way things really are.
- Philip Caputo

The best way to predict the future is to create it.
- Peter F. Drucker

Give somebody a gold star - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Discourage litigation.
Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can.
As a peacemaker the lawyer has
superior opportunity of being a good man.
There will still be business enough.
- Abraham Lincoln

If a man is called to be a street sweeper,
he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted,
or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts
of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

In business or in life, don't follow the wagon tracks too closely.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Forgiveness ... is the finishing of old business
that allows us to experience the present,
free of contamination from the past.
- Joan Borysenko

The supreme art of war is
to subdue the enemy without fighting.
- Sun Tzu

Be a yardstick of quality.
Some people aren't used to an environment
where excellence is expected.
- Steve Jobs

To lead people walk behind them.
- Lao Tzu

What work I have done I have done because it has been play.
If it had been work I shouldn't have done it.
- Mark Twain

We cannot make good news out of bad practice.
- Edward R. Murrow

Leaders aren't born they are made.
And they are made just like anything else, through hard work.
And that's the price we'll have to pay
to achieve that goal, or any goal.
- Vince Lombardi

The speed of the leader determines the rate of the pack.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I cannot trust a man to control others
who cannot control himself.
- Robert E. Lee

The timid man yearns for full value and demands a tenth.
The bold man strikes for double value and compromises on par.
- Mark Twain

The best morale exist when you never hear the word mentioned.
When you hear a lot of talk about it, it's usually lousy.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

War is a game that is played with a smile.
If you can't smile, grin.
If you can't grin, keep out of the way till you can.
- Winston Churchill

It is better to displease the people
by doing what you know is right.
- William J. H. Boetcker

Make your work to be in keeping with your purpose.
- Leonardo da Vinci

Victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror,
victory however long and hard the road may be;
for without victory, there is no survival.
- Winston Churchill

Lead follow or get out of the way.
- Thomas Paine

The reason why men do not obey us,
is because they see the mud at the bottom of our eye.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Profit is a by-product of work;
happiness is its chief product.
- Henry Ford

Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory.
Tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat.
- Sun Tzu

Prepare for the unknown by studying how others in the past
have coped with the unforeseeable and the unpredictable.
- George S. Patton

Do not hire a man who does your work for money,
but him who does it for love of it.
- Henry David Thoreau

Battles are won by slaughter and maneuver.
The greater the general, the more he contributes in maneuver,
the less he demands in slaughter.
- Winston Churchill

The glue that holds all relationships together -
including the relationship between; the leader and the led
is trust, and trust is based on integrity.
- Brian Tracy

If you talk to a man in a language he understands,
that goes to his head.
If you talk to him in his language,
that goes to his heart.
- Nelson Mandela

The expert in battle seeks his victory
from strategic advantage
and does not demand it from his men.
- Sun Tzu

The biggest mistake we could ever make in our lives
is to think we work for anybody but ourselves.
- Brian Tracy

You can make more friends in two months
by becoming interested in other people
than you can in two years by trying
to get other people interested in you.
- Dale Carnegie

Is the system going to flatten you out
and deny you your humanity,
or are you going to be able to make use of the system
to the attainment of human purposes?
- Joseph Campbell

A leader is best when people barely know he exists;
when his work is done, his aim fulfilled,
they will say: we did it ourselves.
- Lao Tzu

Leaders are those who empower others.
- Bill Gates

Once you have mastered time,
you will understand how true it is that
most people overestimate what
they can accomplish in a year -
and underestimate what
they can achieve in a decade!
- Tony Robbins

Acknowledgment, award, appreciation.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

A leader has the vision and conviction that a dream can be achieved.
He inspires the power and energy to get it done.
- Ralph Nader

Never hold discussions with the monkey
when the organ grinder is in the room.
- Winston Churchill

If you want to be incrementally better: Be competitive.
If you want to be exponentially better: Be cooperative.
- Anonymous

About leadership: No person can be a great leader
unless he takes genuine joy
in the successes of those under him.
- W. A. Nance

A small body of determined spirits
fired by an unquenchable faith
in their mission
can alter the course of history.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.
- Anonymous

Example is leadership.
- Albert Schweitzer

The wicked leader is he who the people despise.
The good leader is he who the people revere.
The great leader is he who the people say, "We did it ourselves."
- Lao Tzu


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.