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Funny Behave Quotes
Funny Quotes about Behave

Let these funny Behave Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban

Gods always behave like the people who make them.
- Zora Neale Hurston

How does it become a man to behave
towards the American government today?
I answer, that he cannot without disgrace be associated with it.
- Henry David Thoreau

If the human race wishes to have a
prolonged and indefinite period of material prosperity,
they have only got to behave in a
peaceful and helpful way toward one another.
- Winston Churchill


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If you have an emotional reaction in the presence of someone,
your heart is telling you that you have
not resolved your issues with them.
In other words, you have not truly forgiven that person.
All of this begs the question, how do we forgive?
First, cease lying to yourself and stop telling yourself stories
about why you behave the way you do.
Stop blaming your behavior on other people
and take responsibility for your emotional reactions.
If you could forgive all the people in your life
who have hurt or wounded you
it would be possible to be in control of your behavior
instead of being in reaction to other people all of the time.
Imagine living life without experiencing
a constant emotional roller-coaster of pain, anger, and jealousy!
That would be bliss!
- Sheri Rosenthal

Consider being more acceptive of your partner's behaviors.
It is unlikely that they are intentionally aggravating you.
Almost always, they are just doing what they think they should do.
Try setting aside your own rules for how they should behave,
and adopt a live-and-let-live attitude.
Your relationship will become stronger and happier if you do.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Know that the true essence of the Golden Rule
is always being compassionate, kind,
generous, and being in service to others.
Compelling others to behave as you wish
them to behave in the name of the
Golden Rule is a corruption of a sacred principle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


 

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer

It's not very heroic to slay dragons.
Dragons are generally very peaceful and well behaved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Well-behaved women seldom make history.
- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain

"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein

If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard

It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France

I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau

One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide

As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein

The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Do not laugh much or often or unrestrainedly.
- Epictetus

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin

I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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