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Funny History Quotes
Funny Quotes about History

Let these funny History Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

For my part, I consider that it will be found much better
by all parties to leave the past to history,
especially as I propose to write that history myself.
- Winston Churchill

History is the version of past events
that people have decided to agree upon.
- Napoleon Bonaparte

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
- Winston Churchill

It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung


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The claim "I was only following orders" has been used
to justify too many tragedies in our history.
- Captain Picard of the television series
STAR TREK: The Next Generation

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban

Things have never been more like the way they are today in history.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower


 

Anyone who knows history, particularly
the history of Europe, will, I think,
recognize that the domination
of education or of government
by any one particular religious faith
is never a happy arrangement for the people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Sometimes it is said that man cannot be trusted
with the government of himself.
Can he, then be trusted with the government of others?
Or have we found angels in the form of kings to govern him?
Let history answer this question.
- Thomas Jefferson

History is written by the victors.
- Winston Churchill

Everything we say, do, think, and feel
is a product of our personal history
and the collective history of humankind.
Our name for these histories is "prejudice."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Well-behaved women seldom make history.
- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

The importance of history is in it's
educational value for our lives today,
not in regret, resentment, or revenge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

In the long history of humankind (and animal-kind, too)
those who learned to collaborate and
improvise most effectively have prevailed.
- Charles Darwin

Everything we believe is a matter of evolution and history.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The lessons of the past provide the path to the future.
- Anonymous

The very ink with which all history
is written is merely fluid prejudice.
- Mark Twain

Never in the field of human conflict
was so much owed by so many to so few.
- Winston Churchill

What is history but a fable agreed upon?
- Napoleon Bonaparte

I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.
- Thomas Jefferson

The history of free men is never really written by chance
but by choice; their choice!
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

My reading of history convinces me that most bad government
results from too much government.
- Thomas Jefferson

Those that fail to learn from history
are doomed to repeat it.
- Winston Churchill

Study history, study history.
In history lies all the secrets of statecraft.
- Winston Churchill

For most of history, Anonymous was a woman.
- Virginia Woolf

Among the many misdeeds of the British rule in India,
history will look upon the act of
depriving a whole nation of arms as the blackest.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Yesterday is history,
tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That is why it is called Present.
- Anonymous

Difficulty is the excuse history never accepts.
- Edward R. Murrow

The limitation of riots, moral questions aside,
is that they cannot win and their participants know it.
Hence, rioting is not revolutionary but reactionary
because it invites defeat.
It involves an emotional catharsis,
but it must be followed by a sense of futility.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Who has fully realized that history
is not contained in thick books
but lives in our very blood?
- Carl Jung

Thanks to television, for the first time
the young are seeing history made
before it is censored by their elders.
- Margaret Mead

History is a relentless master.
It has no present, only the past rushing into the future.
To try to hold fast is to be swept aside.
- John F. Kennedy

History, in general, only informs us of what bad government is.
- Thomas Jefferson

The awareness that health is dependent
upon habits that we control
makes us the first generation in history
that to a large extent determines its own destiny.
- Jimmy Carter

We have the power to make this the best generation of mankind
in the history of the world or to make it the last.
- John F. Kennedy

A small body of determined spirits
fired by an unquenchable faith
in their mission
can alter the course of history.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

History does not long entrust the care of freedom
to the weak or the timid.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Neither a wise man nor a brave man lies down
on the tracks of history
to wait for the train of the future to run over him.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

We would like to live as we once lived,
but history will not permit it.
- John F. Kennedy

History will have to record that the greatest tragedy
of this period of social transition
was not the strident clamor of the bad people,
but the appalling silence of the good people.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Live out of your imagination, not your history.
- Stephen Covey

The United States strongly seeks a lasting agreement
for the discontinuance of nuclear weapons tests.
We believe that this would be an important step toward reduction
of international tensions and would open the way
to further agreement on substantial measures of disarmament.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

It is remarkable how closely the history of the apple tree
is connected with that of man.
- Henry David Thoreau

Violent men have not been known in history to die to a man.
They die up to a point.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason
if we dig deep in our history and remember
that we are not descended from fearful men,
not from men who feared to write, to speak,
to associate and to defend causes
which were for the moment unpopular.
- Edward R. Murrow

For the very first time the young are
seeing history being made
before it is censored by their elders.
- Margaret Mead

When I despair, I remember that all through history
the way of truth and love has always won.
There have been tyrants and murderers and
for a time they seem invincible,
but in the end, they always fall ... think of it, always.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

In the long history of the world,
only a few generations have been granted the role
of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger.
I do not shrink from this responsibility - I welcome it.
- John F. Kennedy

The new rage is to say that the government
is the cause of all our problems,
and if only we had no government, we'd have no problems.
I can tell you, that contradicts
evidence, history, and common sense.
- William J. Clinton

Geography has made us neighbors.
History has made us friends.
Economics has made us partners,
and necessity has made us allies.
Those whom God has so joined together,
let no man put asunder.
- John F. Kennedy

Pick up a stone that feels good to you
and is small enough to hold in one hand.
Consider how long that stone has been around
and what enormous pressure it has experienced.
Draw strength from its long history.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

One truth stands firm. All that happens in world history
rests on something spiritual.
If the spiritual is strong, it creates world history.
If it is weak, it suffers world history.
- Albert Schweitzer

Naturally, every age thinks that all ages before it were prejudiced,
and today we think this more than ever, and are just as wrong
as all previous ages that thought so.
How often have we not seen the truth condemned!
It is sad but unfortunately true that man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung

We are not makers of history.
We are made by history.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

AN INSPIRED LIFE: I HAVE A CHOICE
My key to living an inspired life involves
Embracing my history,
Understanding the function of expectations
and gently learning to have none;
Recognizing the power of attentive and conscious choices.
In all circumstances I acknowledge this,
IN ALL THINGS AND ALL WAYS, I HAVE CHOICE.
My choice resides in my perspective.
While I certainly do not control climate
and markets and roadways and others,
I do control myself and my response
to all those circumstances. I do indeed.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

One cannot have wisdom without perspective,
but once gaining perspective, one attains wisdom.
Wisdom is the ability to view every situation
as each person who is in any way affected
by that situation might view it.
Wisdom benefits from having a knowledge of history,
and therefore a historical perspective,
as well from as having the perspective of imagination -
the realm of the what-might-be
inhabited by futurists and science-fiction writers.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

This [the Holocaust] must never happen again. ...
Be vigilant about your rights.
Care about the rights and human dignity of others.
When the rights of any group, no matter how small,
no matter how marginal, are violated,
your liberty, your freedom is put at risk.
Let there never be a day when we cast about in horror
and have to ask the question, "How did it ever come to this?"
- Thomas Childers, Ph.D., Professor of History,
University of Pennsylvania, in the closing remarks
of his six-hour Teaching Company audio lecture series

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson

Don't expect me to get excited over
another damn thing we need to find.
- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010)

Soon we'll be out amid the cold world's strife.
Soon we'll be sliding down the razor blade of life.
But as we go our sordid sep'rate ways,
We shall ne'er forget thee, thou golden college days.
Hearts full of youth,
Hearts full of truth,
Six parts gin to one part vermouth.
- Tom Lehrer - song: Bright College Days,
album: An Evening Wasted With Tom Lehrer

Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
- the movie The Godfather, Part II

We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal,
and then leap in the dark to our success.
- Henry David Thoreau

Discretion is the better part of valor.
(originally "The better part of valor is discretion")
- William Shakespeare

Don't part with your illusions.
When they are gone you may still exist,
but you have ceased to live.
- Mark Twain

You know you love someone when you know
you want them to be happy,
even if their happiness means
that you are not a part of it.
- Anonymous

I have accepted fear as a part of life -
specifically the fear of change...
I have gone ahead despite the pounding
in the heart that says: turn back.
- Erica Jong

Momma always said dyin' was a part of life.
I sure wish it wasn't.
- the movie Forrest Gump

Pay attention to rainbows, and snowflakes,
butterflies and the songs of birds,
the crash of storm-driven waves
and the mirror-surface of a quiet pond.
Let the depths of nature become a part of your innermost being.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Part of me suspects that I'm a loser,
and the other part of me thinks I'm God Almighty.
- John Lennon


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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