Facebook share Tweet This Email this
Let these funny Astonish Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Always do the right thing.
It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
- Mark Twain
Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant
I could hardly stand to have the old man around.
But when I got to be 21, I was astonished
at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
- Mark Twain
The most astonishing thing about miracles is that they happen.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Don't expect me to get excited over
another damn thing we need to find.
- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010)
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world.
I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death
The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing.
The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The hardest thing to understand in the world is the income tax.
- Albert Einstein
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde
She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham
A joke is a very serious thing.
- Winston Churchill
The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln
The most difficult thing in the world
is to know how to do a thing
and to watch somebody else doing it wrong,
without comment.
- Theodore. H. White
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
- Albert Einstein
Life is far too important a thing
ever to talk seriously about.
- Oscar Wilde
There is no such thing as public opinion.
There is only published opinion.
- Winston Churchill
I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
- W. C. Fields
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin
If you want total security, go to prison.
There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on.
The only thing lacking... is freedom.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)
It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations...
The quotations, when engraved upon the memory, give you good thoughts.
They also make you anxious to read the authors and look for more.
- Winston Churchill
Take your life in your own hands, and what happens?
A terrible thing: no one to blame.
- Erica Jong
The Main Thing is to Keep
The Main Thing The Main Thing.
- Stephen Covey
Fear defeats more people than
any other one thing in the world.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.
- Swedish Proverb
It is a terrible thing to see and have no vision.
- Helen Keller
The only thing necessary for evil to triumph
is for enough good men to do nothing.
- Edmund Burke
The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing,
and should be treated with caution.
- J. K. Rowling
When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw
If you were a warrior,
you would know that the worst thing
one can do is confront human beings directly.
- Carlos Castaneda
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself -
nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror
which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Curiosity has its own reason for existing.
- Albert Einstein
It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham
The only real valuable thing is intuition.
- Albert Einstein
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself -
nameless, unreasoning, unjustified, terror.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
By all means marry.
If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher
and that is a good thing for any man.
- Socrates
The only thing that will redeem mankind is cooperation.
- Bertrand Russell
We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl
But what a cruel thing is war
to separate and destroy families and friends.
- Robert E. Lee
A quotation is a handy thing to have about,
saving one the trouble of thinking for oneself.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
There is no such thing as a lovers' oath.
- Plato
Each man is afraid of his neighbor's disapproval -
a thing which, to the general run of the human race,
is more dreaded than wolves and death.
- Mark Twain
Shake structures.
School yourself.
Look twice at a thing,
once upside down.
Answer yourself clearly.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
You have to accept whatever comes
and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage
and with the best that you have to give.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Take a deep breath and do the difficult thing first.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Between believing a thing and thinking you KNOW
is only a small step and quickly taken.
- Mark Twain
To be one, to be united is a great thing.
But to respect the right to be different is maybe even greater.
- Bono
Getting old is a fascination thing.
The older you get, the older you want to get.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.
- Helen Keller
Do the thing you fear,
and death of fear is certain.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
You must do the thing that you think you cannot do.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
The only thing worse than a bad day is no day at all.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When we got into office, the thing
that surprised me most
was to find that things were just as bad
as we'd been saying they were.
- John F. Kennedy
Mistakes are, after all, the foundations of truth,
and if a man does not know what a thing is,
it is at least an increase in knowledge
if he knows what it is not.
- Carl Jung
The thing always happens that you really believe in;
and the belief in a thing makes it happen.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
It is useless for us to attempt to reason a man
out of a thing he has never been reasoned into.
- Jonathan Swift
Never say or do anything you wouldn't want
to be the last thing you ever said or did.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.
The important thing is not to stop questioning.
- Albert Einstein
The spirit of democracy is not a mechanical thing
to be adjusted by abolition of forms.
It requires change of heart.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know:
the only ones among you who will be really happy
are those who will have sought and found how to serve.
- Albert Schweitzer
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful,
committed people can change the world.
Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.
- Margaret Mead
Thank you for visiting: Funny Astonish Quotes - Funny Quotes about Astonish.
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.