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Funny Father Quotes
Funny Quotes about Fathers

Let these funny Father Quotes add some humor to your life. And check out many more Funny Quotes from my large collection.

My Father had a profound influence on me.
He was a lunatic.
- Spike Milligan

My father would take me to the playground,
and put me on mood swings.
- Jay London

Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother
rather than all major credit cards.
- Robert Orben


 

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges

My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy


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The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant
I could hardly stand to have the old man around.
But when I got to be 21, I was astonished
at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
- Mark Twain

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated,
let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he
does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.
- Bill Cosby

It doesn't matter who my father was.
It matters who I remember he was.
- Anne Sexton

Dear Father in heaven, I'm not a praying man,
but if you're up there and you can hear me ...
show me the way... show me the way.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)

Thirteen, 13 children, and I love - I love them all.
And I think I've been a good father to all of them.
- Anthony Quinn

I want to go ahead of Father Time with a scythe of my own.
- H. G. Wells

I have always thought of Walt Disney as my second father.
- Annette Funicello

I grew up not liking my father very much.
I never saw him cry.
But he must have.
Everybody cries.
- Charley Pride

The love of a mother is the veil of a softer light
between the heart and the heavenly Father.
- Samuel Taylor Coleridge

To people who remember JFK's assassination,
JFK Jr. will probably always be that boy saluting his father's coffin.
- Michael Beschloss

My father, he was like the rock, the guy you went to with every problem.
- Gwyneth Paltrow

My father wants me to be like my brother,
but I can't be.
- Robert Mapplethorpe

Growing up, I've enjoyed hunting with my father.
- Dale Earnhardt

Nothing I've ever done has given me more joys and rewards
than being a father to my children.
- Bill Cosby

I pressed my father's hand and told him I would protect his grave with my life.
My father smiled and passed away to the spirit land.
- Chief Joseph

The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one,
particularly if he plays golf.
- Bertrand Russell

I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument.
He told me to knock myself out.
- Jay London

My father was something of a rainbow-chaser.
- Marc Davis

My father always used to say that when you die,
if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life.
- Lee Iacocca

My father was my teacher.
But most importantly he was a great dad.
- Beau Bridges

An angry father is most cruel towards himself.
- Publilius Syrus

Child-rearing is my main interest now.
I'm a hands-on father.
- Sean Penn

I'm a father.
It isn't just my life any more.
I don't want my kid finding bottles in the house or
seeing his father completely smashed.
- Billie Joe Armstrong

My father wouldn't get us a TV, he wouldn't allow a TV in the house.
- Janis Joplin

I hope I am remembered by my children as a good father.
- Orson Scott Card

My father and I have a very good relationship.
We always got along.
But I always scold him.
- Amy Sedaris

My father used to sing to me in my mother's womb.
I think I can name about any tune in two beats.
- Yancy Butler

The most important thing a father
can do for his children
is to love their mother.
- Henry Ward Beecher

I just wish I could understand my father.
- Michael Jackson

Being a father to my family and a husband is to me
much more important than what I did in the business.
- Tom Bosley

Whenever I fail as a father or husband...
a toy and a diamond always works.
- Shahrukh Khan

I think Captain Cousteau might be the father of the environmental movement.
- Ted Turner

I'm a fun father, but not a good father.
The hard decisions always went to my wife.
- John Lithgow

When did it become a problem to be a small businessman
and become successful? The small businessman -
like my father,
or like me?
- Glenn Beck

So my father was a person who never lied to me.
If I had a question, he answered it.
I knew a lot of things at a young age because I was intrigued.
- Nick Cannon

My father invented a cure for which there was no disease
and unfortunately my mother caught it and died of it.
- Victor Borge

A father's disappointment can be a very powerful tool.
- Michael Bergin

My father wasn't really involved and my mom is the light in my life.
- Marion Jones

My father? I never knew him.
Never even seen a picture of him.
- Eminem

I decided in my life that I would do nothing that did
not reflect positively on my father's life.
- Sidney Poitier

Being a father helps me be more responsible...
you see more things than you've ever seen.
- Kid Rock

I never had a speech from my father 'this is what you
must do or shouldn't do' but I just learned to be led by example.
My father wasn't perfect.
- Adam Sandler

My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it.
- Quentin Crisp

I don't think children's inner feelings have changed.
They still want a mother and father in the very same house;
they want places to play.
- Beverly Cleary

A father is always making his baby into a little woman.
And when she is a woman he turns her back again.
- Enid Bagnold

My father loved people, children and pets.
- Tony Visconti

As a little girl I used to daydream about my real father
coming on a white horse to rescue me.
- Christine Keeler

I'm a father; that's what matters most.
Nothing matters more.
- Gordon Brown

The child is father of the man.
- William Wordsworth

Father told me that if I ever met a lady in a dress like yours,
I must look her straight in the eyes.
- Prince Charles

My father considered a walk among the mountains
as the equivalent of churchgoing.
- Aldous Huxley

When you have a good mother and no father,
God kind of sits in.
It's not enough, but it helps.
- Dick Gregory

No man is responsible for his father.
That was entirely his mother's affair.
- Margaret Turnbull

I know that I will never find my father in any other
man who comes into my life,
because it is a void in my life that can only be filled by him.
- Halle Berry

My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person,
he believed in me.
- Jim Valvano

That is the thankless position of the father in the family -
the provider for all,
and the enemy of all.
- August Strindberg

One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.
- George Herbert

When I was 18, I thought my father was pretty dumb.
After a while when I got to be 21, I was amazed to
find out how much he'd learned in three years.
- Frank Butler

My father was a farmer and my mother was a farmer,
but, my childhood was very good.
I am very grateful for my childhood,
because it was full of gladness and good humanity.
- Roberto Benigni

I was raised Catholic, but my father's people were Methodist,
so we went to both churches.
- Aaron Neville

It is impossible to please all the world and one's father.
- Jean de La Fontaine

A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be,
A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.
- Frank Howard Clark

Most American children suffer too much mother and too little father.
- Gloria Steinem


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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