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My way of joking is telling the truth;
that is the funniest joke in the world.
- George Bernard Shaw
People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw
A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic.
- George Bernard Shaw
We don't stop playing because we grow old;
we grow old because we stop playing.
- George Bernard Shaw 
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A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
- George Bernard Shaw
Write your Sad times in Sand,
Write your Good times in Stone.
- George Bernard Shaw
When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw
You see things and you say, Why?
But I dream things that never were and say, Why not
- George Bernard Shaw
The moment we want to believe something,
we suddenly see all the arguments for it,
and become blind to the arguments against it.
- George Bernard Shaw
When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of,
he always declares that it's his duty.
- George Bernard Shaw
Progress is impossible without change,
and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.
- George Bernard Shaw
The worst sin toward our fellow creatures
is not to hate them,
but to be indifferent to them:
that's the essence of inhumanity.
- George Bernard Shaw
All great truths begin as blasphemies.
- George Bernard Shaw
Do not do unto others
as you expect they should do unto you.
Their tastes may not be the same.
- George Bernard Shaw
Life isn't about finding yourself.
Life is about creating yourself.
- George Bernard Shaw
No man who is occupied in doing a very difficult thing,
and doing it very well, ever loses his self-respect.
- George Bernard Shaw
Beware of false knowledge;
it is more dangerous than ignorance.
- George Bernard Shaw
Life is no brief candle to me.
It is a sort of splendid torch
which I have got a hold of for the moment,
and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible
before handing it on to future generations.
- George Bernard Shaw
The golden rule is that there are no golden rules.
- George Bernard Shaw
Better keep yourself clean and bright;
you are the window through which
you must see the world.
- George Bernard Shaw
In this world there is always danger
for those who are afraid of it.
- George Bernard Shaw
People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are.
I don't believe in circumstances.
The people who get on in the world are the people who
get up and look for the circumstances they want,
and if they can't find them, make them.
- George Bernard Shaw
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
I didn't make it all the way through third grade for nothing.
- the movie The Rescuers Down Under
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
Gossip is the art of saying nothing
in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.
- Walter Winchell
The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown
Things have never been more like the way they are today in history.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain
Where there's a will, there's a way.
- old English proverb
The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
- Woody Allen
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty
I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When life is like a slippery downhill slope,
go skiing and scream Whee... all the way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde
Getting fired is nature's way to telling you
that you had the wrong job in the first place.
- Hal Lancaster
Life is like a roller coaster - scream Whee... on the way down,
and let the momentum carry you back up the next hill.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The way to silence religious disputes is to take no notice of them.
- Thomas Jefferson
True believers just don't see things the way they are,
because if they did, they wouldn't be true believers anymore.
- Philip Caputo
Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.
- Babe Ruth
Belief is a virus, and once it gets into you,
its first order of business is to preserve itself,
and the way it preserves itself
is to keep you from having any doubts,
and the way it keeps you from doubting
is to blind you to the way things really are.
- Philip Caputo
Our honorable and worthy ancestors knew that the world was flat,
motionless, and the center of the universe.
They knew the human body could not withstand
the forces of traveling faster than 19 mph.
They knew that the way to salvation was
exorcising witches and slaying non-believers.
They knew that it was a mortal sin to marry
someone of a different skin color.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Every religion is true one way or another.
It is true when understood metaphorically.
But when it gets stuck in its own metaphors,
interpreting them as facts, then you are in trouble.
- Joseph Campbell
The way I see it, if you want the rainbow,
you gotta put up with the rain.
- Dolly Parton
Anger? perhaps there is a better way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Miracles are the natural way of the Universe -
our only job is to move our doubting minds aside
and let the miracles flow.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
As we work to create light for others,
we naturally light our own way.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
You're only here for a short visit.
Don't hurry. Don't worry.
And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.
- Walter Hagen
Simple living is the way to happy living.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The God of Children and Fools:
There once was a man way up high,
who sat on his chair in the sky.
he called down to fool us,
and said he would rule us,
until we woke up bye and bye.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Is today a day to gather strength from the storm -
a day to to learn life lessons for the next battle?
Or is today a day to sit by the fire
and watch the storm rage outside?
Either way, the storm is just life.
Give thanks for all of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I make it a policy to try never to
make a complete idiot of myself twice in the same way.
After all, there's always all kinds of new ways
to make a complete idiot of myself.
Why repeat the old ones?
- Margot Dalton
Know the power and the peace of saying,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The magic words for a great relationship are,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The most effective way to cope with change
is to help create it.
- L. W. Lynett
When ordinary life shackles me,
I escape, one way or another. No more walls.
- Anais Nin
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Dale Carnegie
For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains,
but to live in a way that respects
and enhances the freedom of others.
- Nelson Mandela
There are those that look at things
the way they are, and ask "Why?"
I dream of things that never were, and ask "Why not?"
- Robert F. Kennedy paraphrase of George Bernard Shaw
We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl
The fastest way to destroy love
is to make a goal out of it,
because people who are trying to be loved
come from a place that they're not loved.
- Werner Erhard
Humans are allergic to change.
They love to say, "We've always done it this way."
- Grace Hopper
All religions must be tolerated...
for every man must get to heaven in his own way.
- Epictetus
I was thinking that I might fly today.
Just to disprove all the things you say...
please be careful with me, I'm sensitive,
and I'd like to stay that way.
- Jewel
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.