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Funny Says Quotes
Funny Quotes about Says

Let these funny Says Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
- Groucho Marx

I think serial monogamy says it all.
- Tracey Ullman

I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale


 

The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter

I don't care what anybody says about me
as long as it isn't true.
- Truman Capote


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Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves.
But deep down below the surface of the average conscience
a still, small voice says to us, something is out of tune.
- Carl Jung

I find that he is happiest
of whom the world says least, good or bad.
- Thomas Jefferson

I have accepted fear as a part of life -
specifically the fear of change...
I have gone ahead despite the pounding
in the heart that says: turn back.
- Erica Jong

In a separation it is the one
who is not really in love
who says the more tender things.
- Marcel Proust

The toddler must say no in order to find out who she is.
The adolescent says no to assert who she is not.
- Louise J. Kaplan

Whenever anyone says, 'theoretically,'
they really mean,
'not really.'
- Dave Parnas

An enemy generally says and believes what he wishes.
- Thomas Jefferson

Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.
- J. R. R. Tolkien

Trust that little voice in your head that says 'Wouldn't
it be interesting if...';
And then do it.
- Duane Michals

What can you say about a society that says that God
is dead and Elvis is alive?
- Irv Kupcinet

The activist is not the man who says the river is dirty.
The activist is the man who cleans up the river.
- Ross Perot

Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!
- Audrey Hepburn

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club.
You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.
- Erma Bombeck

If an elderly but distinguished scientist says that something is possible,
he is almost certainly right; but if he says that it is impossible,
he is very probably wrong.
- Arthur C. Clarke

The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping
of females begins when the doctor says:
It's a girl.
- Shirley Chisholm

One merit of poetry few persons will deny:
it says more and in fewer words than prose.
- Voltaire

It's useless to hold a person to anything he says while he's in love,
drunk, or running for office.
- Shirley MacLaine

If what Proust says is true,
that happiness is the absence of fever,
then I will never know happiness.
For I am possessed by a fever
for knowledge, experience, and creation.
- Anais Nin

Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.'
Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'
- Erich Fromm

Guilt says I've done something wrong;
... shame says there is something wrong with me.
Guilt says I've made a mistake;
... shame says I am a mistake.
Guilt says what did was not good;
... shame says I am no good.
- John Bradshaw

Your body hears everything your mind says.
- Naomi Judd

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter,
taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn.
The Republicans are the party that says government
doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Always aim high, work hard, and care deeply
about what you believe in.
When you stumble, keep faith.
When you're knocked down, get right back up.
And never listen to anyone who says
you can't or shouldn't go on.
- Hilary Clinton

The United States brags about its political system,
but the President says one thing during the election,
something else when he takes office,
something else at midterm and something else when he leaves.
- Deng Xiaoping

What does it profit, my brethren,
if someone says he has faith but does not have works?
Can faith save him?
- James 2:14

There are some great questions to ask your doctor.
If he says 'no,' then you find yourself a different doctor.
There really has to be a change in how we medically
look at women at this time.
I mean, this is not just baby gloom.
- Marie Osmond

I love children and I get along with them great.
It's just that I believe if you're going to be a parent,
there has to be something inside you that says,
'I want a family.' I don't feel that sense of urgency.
- George Clooney

Consider a parent who says,
"Look at the sacrifices I'm making so you can have a better life."
Contrast that with another parent who demonstrates
living a great life every day.
Self-sacrifice is not a virtue.
Living a great life and sharing that life with others
is the noble way to live.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I think computer viruses should count as life.
I think it says something about human nature that the
only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive.
We've created life in our own image.
- Stephen Hawking

People will, in a great degree,
and not without reason,
form their opinion of you upon
that which they have of your friends;
and there is a Spanish proverb
which says very justly,
"Tell me whom you live with,
and I will tell you who you are.
- Lord Chesterfield

Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.
- Ellen DeGeneres

Advertising says to people, 'Here's what we've got.
Here's what it will do for you.
Here's how to get it.'
- Leo Burnett

The joke newspaper, it says Canada abandons the monarchy.
- Mark McKinney

They've discovered that, where all the other galaxies
are moving in one direction,
ours is going in another.
Now, the Big Bang theory says that we're all moving outward.
- Dwight Schultz

Humor results when society says you can't scratch certain things in public,
but they itch in public.
- Tom Walsh

The Capitol was an occasion where you arrive at a sign
in the road that says you have arrived at a place you
may not have expected to be,
but you know how you got here: Next!
- Peter Garrett

When a man is treated like a beast, he says,
'After all, I'm human.' When he behaves like a beast,
he says 'After all, I'm only human.'
- Karl Kraus

My father has a general rule.
He says if I haven't done it in real life I shouldn't do it on-screen.
- Natalie Portman

In America nobody says you have to keep the circumstances somebody else gives you.
- Amy Tan

I'd like President Bush to think maybe there's another way to think,
that maybe Kissinger was wrong when he says we had
to go in there because he was wrong about Vietnam.
- F. Murray Abraham

Senator Kerry says he sees two Americas.
It makes the whole thing mutual - America sees two John Kerrys.
- Dick Cheney

A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man,
and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her.
- Helen Rowland

I think decor says a lot about someone's social position,
their taste, their sensibility, their work -
and also about the aesthetic way I have chosen to tell their story.
- Pedro Almodovar

Wild at Heart made a few people angry-they thought
I was exploiting women by showing that when a woman
says no she really means yes.
- Laura Dern

I'm not one of these guys who says, Now I'm on a really hot show,
better quit soon before I get labeled.
That's the most ridiculous notion I'd ever heard.
- Jeff Probst

I don't have this fantasy about marriage anymore.
Everyone says it takes hard work.
Well, it kind of does - and I'm much more pragmatic
about romance than I used to be.
- Jennifer Garner

What Bill O'Reilly says means nothing.
What Stephen Bennett says means nothing.
What God says means everything.
- Stephen Bennett

Anybody who says they don't like fighting in the NHL
have to be out of their minds.
- Donald Stewart Cherry

Few friendships would survive if each one knew what
his friend says of him behind his back.
- Blaise Pascal

The only reason I'm coming out here tomorrow is the schedule says I have to.
- Sparky Anderson

When Bush says democracy, I often wonder what he's referring to.
- Angela Davis

Defoe says that there were a hundred thousand country
fellows in his time ready to fight to the death against popery,
without knowing whether popery was a man or a horse.
- William Hazlitt

I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said,
'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says,
'Hello!'
- Emo Philips

One says also, it is one of the most faithful men in Hollywood,
and makes again more interesting it equal.
- Michelle Hunziker

My son always says I like very weird music.
- Cornelia Funke

I go into a young film director's office these days and he says,
'Hey man, I know who you are.
I grew up watching 'McHale's Navy'.
And I think, 'Oh boy, here we go again'.
- Mako

It says something about this new global economy that
USA Today now reports every morning on the day's events in Asian markets.
- Larry Summers

The fellow who says he'll meet you halfway usually
thinks he's standing on the dividing line.
- Orlando A. Battista

You have to sort of see the way that the character behaves,
and what the character says and does,
and claim it in the same way that you claim anything,
really.
- Richard Roxburgh

Anyone who says businessmen deal in facts,
not fiction, has never read old five-year projections.
- Malcolm Forbes

I just filled out my income tax forms.
Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
- Milton Berle

An innovation is one of those things that society looks at and says,
if we make this part of the way we live and work,
it will change the way we live and work.
- Dean Kamen

I know every actor says this, but the people behind the camera are great.
They always have answers.
- Joel Gretsch

I don't sleep much.
I'm on the go.
My mind is racing.
My wife says my mind is like the rolling dials on a slot machine.
So, yeah, I think about everything.
- Bill Walton


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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