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Funny Death Quotes
Funny Quotes about Death

Let these funny Death Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears,
for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
- Albert Einstein

Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death

Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too.
My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- the movie Anything Else (2003)


 

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
love leaves a memory no one can steal.
- From a headstone in Ireland

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
- Woody Allen

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death


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I have lost friends, some by death ...
others by sheer inability to cross the street.
- Virginia Woolf

I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale

Still, things could be a lot worse.
Oh, that's right... I'm falling to my death. Guess they can't.
- the movie Megamind (2010)

I got a perfect build for clothes.
I'm a twenty-eight dwarf.
- the movie Love and Death

The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

For those of true faith, death is not a time to mourn,
but a time to celebrate returning to the Creator.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain

I have no fear of the gallows ... They're going to shoot me.
- the movie Love and Death

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.
- J. Robert Oppenheimer

We cannot banish dangers, but we can banish fears.
We must not demean life by standing in awe of death.
- David Sarnoff

Since the day of my birth, my death began its walk.
It is walking toward me, without hurrying.
- Jean Cocteau

Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

He who doesn't fear death dies only once.
- Giovanni Falcone

A man's dying is more his survivor's affair than his own.
- Thomas Mann

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.
- C. S. Lewis

Dying is easy, it's living that scares me to death.
- Annie Lennox

Death is always around the corner, but often our society
gives it inordinate help.
- Carter Burwell

Success is failure recycled.
Life is death reborn.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Grief is a normal and natural response to loss.
It is originally an unlearned feeling process.
Keeping grief inside increases your pain.
- Anne Grant

Farewell My Friend
It was beautiful as long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I'll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care...
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul...
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life
I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that's what I'll like
when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.
- Gitanjali Ghei

Death is the last enemy: once we've got past that I
think everything will be alright.
- Alice Thomas Ellis

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful
death than animals that know nothing.
- Maurice Maeterlinck

Momma always said dyin' was a part of life.
I sure wish it wasn't.
- the movie Forrest Gump

Death is the tyrant of the imagination.
- Barry Cornwall

Love and death are the two great hinges on which all human sympathies turn.
- B. R. Hayden

Death is a very dull, dreary affair,
and my advice to you is to have nothing whatsoever to do with it.
- W. Somerset Maugham

And you, Sonja, you look more beautiful
standing here than you do in person.
- the movie Love and Death (1975)

For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity.
- William Penn

Pale Death beats equally at the poor man's gate and at the palaces of kings.
- Horace

The death of what's dead is the birth of what's living.
- Arlo Guthrie

Healthy children will not fear life if their elders
have integrity enough not to fear death.
- Erik H. Erikson

Death borders upon our birth, and our cradle stands in the grave.
- Joseph Hall

Death will be a great relief.
No more interviews.
- Katharine Hepburn

I had seen birth and death but had thought they were different.
- T. S. Eliot

Those we love don't go away,
They walk beside us every day,
Unseen, unheard, but always near,
Still loved, still missed and very dear.
- Anonymous

Do not fear death so much but rather the inadequate life.
- Bertolt Brecht

Birth and death; we all move between these two unknowns.
- Bryant H. McGill

Even at our birth, death does but stand aside a little.
And every day he looks towards us and muses somewhat
to himself whether that day or the next he will draw nigh.
- Robert Bolt

Death most resembles a prophet who is without honor
in his own land or a poet who is a stranger among his people.
- Khalil Gibran

Of all the gods only death does not desire gifts.
- Aeschylus

When someone you love dies,
you don't lose them all at once.
You lose them in pieces over time
- the movie Simon Birch

For me, habit is just a synonym for death.
- Juliette Binoche

Men fear death as children fear to go in the dark;
and as that natural fear in children is increased by tales,
so is the other.
- Francis Bacon

Life is better than death, I believe,
if only because it is less boring, and because it has fresh peaches in it.
- Alice Walker

It is possible to provide security against other ills,
but as far as death is concerned, we men live in a city without walls.
- Epicurus

O Captain. My Captain. our fearful trip is done.
- Walt Whitman

If it turns out that there IS a God,
I don't think that he's evil.
I think that the worst you can say about him
is that basically he's an underachiever.
- the movie Love and Death

I've told my children that when I die,
to release balloons in the sky to celebrate that I graduated.
For me, death is a graduation.
- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

There is no death, only a change of worlds.
- Chief Seattle

Death's in the good-bye.
- Anne Sexton

Careers and relationships also have their cycles
of birth, growth, and death -
to be followed by rebirth and the renewal of the cycle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A friend who dies, it's something of you who dies.
- Gustave Flaubert

There's no tragedy in life like the death of a child.
Things never get back to the way they were.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Life is hard.
Then you die.
Then they throw dirt in your face.
Then the worms eat you.
Be grateful it happens in that order.
- David Gerrold

Time rushes towards us with its hospital tray of infinitely varied narcotics,
even while it is preparing us for its inevitably fatal operation.
- Tennessee Williams

Call no man happy till he is dead.
- Aeschylus

Millions long for immortality who don't know what to
do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
- Susan Ertz

I cannot know the pain you feel.
I cannot share your memories or your loss.
My words of sympathy are beneath measure, yet
know that my heart reaches out with love to your heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Do the thing you fear,
and death of fear is certain.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Suicide is man's way of telling God,
"You can't fire me -
I quit."
- Bill Maher

We are free only if we face the challenge of freedom,
do the work of freedom, fight the fight of freedom
and die the death for freedom.
- Charles G. Adams

Man dies of cold, not of darkness.
- Miguel de Unamuno

The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.