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Let these funny Taskmaster Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Urgency is a grim taskmaster.
Escape time, and life becomes irie.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
("Irie" is a Jamaican word for being at total peace
with your current state of being.)
No good comes from hurrying.
- Yiddish Proverb 
Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.
- Lao Tzu
We disrespect ourselves and our free-will
whenever we say that we NEED to do something.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste
that they hurry past it.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Who forces time is pushed back by time;
who yields to time finds time on his side.
- The Talmud
Necessity never made a good bargain.
- Benjamin Franklin
Okay, so it's a matter of life and death - now are you happy?
Urgency is never a path to joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When you feel the need to hurry,
remember that everything in life is a CHOICE.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A sloth lives a pretty good life, s-l-o-w-l-y.
Maybe we have something to learn from him.
Some days, being sloth-like may be just what you need
to avoid being consumed by urgency.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit.
Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever,
even if your whole world seems upset.
- Saint Francis de Sales
You will never find time for anything.
If you want time you must make it.
- Charles Buxton
Urgent? Why?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Time is carnivorous.
Urgency rips the peaceful flesh from our bones.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To say "too busy" is merely
to say "confused priorities."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
NECESSITY and URGENCY are twin poisons of our rattlesnake minds.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Affirmation:
"I choose never to be a prisoner of urgency."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I choose never to be a prisoner of urgency.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We are composed of self-contradictions.
Each of us is loving in some moments - hateful in others.
Patient and calm sometimes - harried by urgency at others.
Understanding - and self-absorbed.
Reassuring - and sarcastic.
Generous - and greedy.
Trusting - and jealous.
Comforting - and snappish.
Original - and stuck in a rut.
Thankful - and needy.
Forgiving - and vengeful.
Nurturing ourself - and stuffing ourself with fast food.
Honoring our bodies - and overstressing.
Being Joyful - and Suffering.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
I have no fear of the gallows ... They're going to shoot me.
- the movie Love and Death
No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
- Mark Twain
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain
Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha
Random chance seems to have operated in our favor ...
there was no deity involved.
- Spock character in the Star Trek television series
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears,
for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
- Albert Einstein
The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken
You have no values. With you its all nihilism,
cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance
and hypocritical humility.
I chose the former and have seen no reason to change.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin
No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
Experience keeps a dear school,
but fools will learn in no other.
- Benjamin Franklin
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
There is no such thing as public opinion.
There is only published opinion.
- Winston Churchill
I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain
The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin
Some people are so heavenly minded
that they are no earthly good.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
The way to silence religious disputes is to take no notice of them.
- Thomas Jefferson
Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
- Laurence J. Peter
Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln
It has been my experience that folks who
have no vices, have very few virtues.
- Abraham Lincoln
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller
No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It is the things for which there is no evidence
that are believed with passion.
- Bertrand Russell
He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.