Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain



Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Links | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z

Funny Stolen Quotes
Funny Quotes about Stolen

Let these funny Stolen Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
- W. Clement Stone

I would have probably stolen cars - it would have given
me the same adrenaline rush as racing.
- Valentino Rossi

The possessions of the rich are stolen property.
- Pierre-Joseph Proudhon

School shootings were invented by blacks...
and stolen by the white man.
- Chris Rock


 

My heart has been stolen too - but I've gone and got
it back every single time!
- Salma Hayek

To my mind the election was stolen by George Bush and
we have been suffering ever since under this man's leadership.
- Jessica Lange

We have to consciously study how to be tender with
each other until it becomes a habit because what was
native has been stolen from us,
the love of Black women for each other.
- Audre Lorde


Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

 Subscribe in a reader -- or
Enter your email address:




Delivered by FeedBurner


Women have had the power of naming stolen from us.
- Mary Daly

The toilets at a local police station have been stolen.
Police say they have nothing to go on.
- Ronnie Barker

If your best friend has stolen your girlfriend,
it does become life and death.
- Ben Kingsley

I have been an unabashed fan of NPR for many years,
and have stolen untold excellent ideas from its programming.
- Ted Koppel

Men are not hanged for stealing horses,
but that horses may not be stolen.
- George Savile

Life yields only to the conqueror.
Never accept what can be gained by giving in.
You will be living off stolen goods,
and your muscles will atrophy.
- Dag Hammarskjold

Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods.
- H. L. Mencken

Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions.
Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen.
- Mort Sahl

I asked a man in prison once how he happened to be
there and he said he had stolen a pair of shoes.
I told him if he had stolen a railroad he would be a United States Senator.
- Mary Harris Jones

The last two elections were stolen.
They were stolen and so we will not rest until we reclaim
our democracy and this is what today is all about.
- Barbara Lee

Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen.
- Jerome K. Jerome

These poor wretches were stolen from their homes,
carried to a strange country, and sold to servitude,
from which they sought to escape on the first occasion which offered.
- Philip Hone

In its report, the Cox Committee concludes that China is using stolen U.S.
design information to speed up its deployment of a
new nuclear missile force.
- Charles Foster Bass

Why did the Clinton Administration continue to liberalize
export controls on sensitive technologies even after
it learned that China had stolen designs?
- Charles Foster Bass

Stolen kisses are always sweetest.
- Leigh Hunt

I've stolen a couple of hearts and they are in my private collection!
- Salma Hayek

We are seeing healing among the stolen generations,
and initiatives which are enabling Indigenous people
to make their distinctive contribution to our national life.
- Malcolm Fraser

Style is the most valuable asset of the modern artist.
That's probably why so many styles are reported lost or stolen each year.
- Brad Holland

Plagiarists are always suspicious of being stolen from.
- Samuel Taylor Coleridge

If what I do prove well, it won't advance.
They'll say it's stolen, or else it was by chance.
- Anne Bradstreet

The Moon Cannot Be Stolen:
A thief entered the little hut of a Zen Master,
but discovered there was nothing to steal.
The Zen Master discovered the thief.
"You have come a long way to visit me," he told the prowler,
"and you should not return empty-handed.
Please take my clothes as a gift."
The thief was bewildered,
but he took the clothes and slunk away.
The Zen Master sat naked, watching the moon.
"Poor fellow," he mused,
"I wish I could have given him this beautiful moon."
- Traditional Zen Koan

Social Security, for example - I'm 43.
I've paid into the system.
You know what? That money has been stolen from me.
I know that my parents who are on Social Security -
they've got to continue to receive it.
They're dependent on it.
It is their primary source of income.
- Joe Miller

In the last camp they all ate grass,
until the authorities forbade them to pull it up.
They were accustomed to having the fruits of their
little communal gardens stolen by the guards,
after they had done all the work; but at the last camp everything was stolen.
- Martha Gellhorn

Last year the National Sorry Day Committee consulted
with stolen generations people in every State and Territory,
and concluded that programmes set up in response to
the Bringing Them Home Report are reaching only a small
fraction of those they are intended to help.
- Malcolm Fraser

It took the Gulf War to demonstrate that America did
want more than one friend in the Mideast,
and also was willing to take and make major risks to
prevent a small Muslim country,
Kuwait, from being overrun and in effect stolen by Iraq.
- Caspar Weinberger

People of substance may sin without being exposed for their stolen pleasure;
but servants and the poorer sort of women have seldom
an opportunity of concealing a big belly,
or at least the consequences of it.
- Bernard de Mandeville

If we had, we would have realised sooner that Indigenous
organisations are sometimes not the appropriate channel
for programmes to help the stolen generations,
because many of them play little part in Indigenous associations.
- Malcolm Fraser

What was the reason for invading Iraq' Was it a humanitarian
crusade or an economic one' I would be inclined to say the latter.
It was the same with the Civil War, because the landed
gentry's money was being stolen by the king.
- Dougray Scott

So gradually, and then I had an Italian roadster that I built,
it took me five years to build it, it was stolen from me and stripped.
I said, well maybe we should have another where we
shouldn't steal from each other.
- Barry McGuire

Because we have so much eye candy and mind candy,
spending so much time trying to pay the rent,
all of this conspires to keep us from thinking too
hard or taking action from that.
Our time is stolen.
So much of our daily life is stolen.
- Lydia Lunch

They have stolen the public lands.
They have grasped all to themselves,
and by their unprincipled greed brought a crisis of
unparalleled distress on forty millions of people,
who have natural resources to feed, clothe and shelter the whole human race.
- Denis Kearney

Over 120 Aboriginal communities run their own health services -
some have been doing so for 30 years.
They struggle with difficult medical problems.
They also try to deal with counselling,
stolen generations issues, family relationships,
violence, suicide prevention.
- Malcolm Fraser

We know that al Qaeda is seeking radioactive materials
and technology to launch a devastating attack,
and that hundreds of radioactive sources have been
lost or stolen in the U.S.
and around the world.
- Ed Markey

I will not comment on or confirm what are alleged to
be stolen State Department cables.
But I can say that the United States deeply regrets
the disclosure of any information that was intended to be confidential,
including private discussions between counterparts
or our diplomats' personal assessments and observations.
- Hillary Clinton

I don't carry any early childhood trauma around with me,
if that's what you're hinting at.
The story of the bicycles - and there were three of
them which were stolen from me -
I've dealt with it well.
- Angela Merkel

According to the Privacy Rights Center,
up to 10 million Americans are victims of ID theft each year.
They have a right to be notified when their most sensitive health data is stolen.
- Luis Gutierrez

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle.
Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way
so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
- Emo Philips

Let us not forget that the greatest composers were
also the greatest thieves.
They stole from everyone and everywhere.
- Pablo Casals

I stole everything I ever heard, but mostly I stole from the horns.
- Ella Fitzgerald

Tim Robbins had real confidence in college.
He literally stole actors from the theater department
at UCLA to be in his plays.
The department heads got so mad at him.
- Daphne Zuniga

In fact, my son learned his first swear word from E.T.
at age five.
The way I look at it, E.T.
stole a bit of my son's childhood.
- John Ratzenberger

Very few of my books are about who stole the Maltese Falcon.
- Robert B. Parker

The committee's finding that China stole sensitive technology from U.S.
weapons research labs is alarming.
- Charles Foster Bass

We stole a box of honey jars one time and went out
in the woods and took care of the whole box.
I don't think I touched honey again for 20 years.
I never wanted to see honey again.
- Quincy Jones

They're not shooting me for deserting the United Stated Army -
thousands of guys have done that.
They're shooting me for bread I stole when I was 12 years old.
- Eddie Slovik

Like any good spy novel, the Cox Report alleges that
Chinese spies penetrated four U.S.
weapons research labs and stole important information
on seven nuclear warhead designs.
- Charles Foster Bass

The last thing I stole was a box of Coca Cola from
a parked truck in Adelaide.
I was nice and drunk.
It was New Year's Eve.
And that was about 28 years ago.
- Ronald Biggs

My publicist told me not to talk about politics but,
yes, I think we have a president who stole the election.
- Liev Schreiber

Because someone stole Gregory Peck's star on Hollywood Blvd.,
I have hired a Brink's guard to protect my star!
- Rip Taylor

I'd had no particular interest in the Southwest at all as a young girl,
and I was completely surprised that the desert stole
my heart to the extent it did.
- Terri Windling

What white man can say I never stole his land or a
penny of his money? Yet they say that I am a thief.
- Sitting Bull

The draft is white people sending black people to fight
yellow people to protect the country they stole from red people.
- James Rado

I write my own quotes.
Except this one.
I obviously stole this from somebody really clever.
- Brian Celio

My father and mother - I figured if I could make them laugh,
they'd stop fighting.
I stole all their material.
- Jerry Stiller

My songwriting and my style became more complex as I listened,
learned, borrowed and stole and put my music together.
- Boz Scaggs

I was a Navy officer writing about Navy problems and
I simply stole this lovely Army nurse and popped her into a Navy uniform,
where she has done very well for herself.
- James A. Michener

The ideas I stand for are not mine.
I borrowed them from Socrates.
I swiped them from Chesterfield.
I stole them from Jesus.
And I put them in a book.
If you don't like their rules, whose would you use?
- Dale Carnegie

We have a president who stole the presidency through family ties,
arrogance and intimidation, employing Republican operatives
to exercise the tactics of voter fraud by disenfranchising thousands of blacks,
elderly Jews and other minorities.
- Barbra Streisand

Even then, our family was extraordinary,
with ten kids.
- Mink Stole

I call on the international community to be fair to the Iraqi people.
My position is that we respect international resolutions
but in return demand justice and accountability for
those who stole Iraq's money.
- Ahmed Chalabi

You don't have to tell anybody a damn thing you don't want to.
- Mink Stole

In November 2000, the Republicans stole from America
our most precious right of all:
the right to free and fair elections...
Now President Bush occupies the White House,
but with questionable legitimacy.
- Cynthia McKinney

I met John when I was 18 and I was in my first John
Waters film when I was 19.
- Mink Stole


Thank you for visiting: Funny Stolen Quotes - Funny Quotes about Stolen.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Sign-up for your free subscription to my Daily Inspiration - Daily Quote email.

Your E-Mail Address:
Your Name:

To confirm your subscription, you must click on a link in the email being sent to you.

Each email contains an unsubscribe link. We will NEVER sell, rent, loan, or abuse your email address in ANY way.


Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.