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Funny Please Quotes
Funny Quotes about Please

Let these funny Please Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Greetings, cosmic children of the universe.
Welcome to my serenity circle.
Please leave all bad vibes outside the healing vortex.
- the movie Shrek the Third (2007)

If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin

I don't care whose fault this was, just get it sorted!
And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried
and smothered in chocolate.
- the movie Shrek 2

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea;
but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
- Abraham Lincoln


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Keep busy - with tasks that inspire you,
motivate you, or please you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I was thinking that I might fly today.
Just to disprove all the things you say...
please be careful with me, I'm sensitive,
and I'd like to stay that way.
- Jewel

That you may retain your self-respect, it is better
to displease the people by doing what you know is right,
than to temporarily please them by doing what you know is wrong.
- William J. H. Boetcker


 

Don't live your life to please other people.
- Oprah Winfrey

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction
is better and greater than a "Yes" merely uttered to please,
or what is worse, to avoid trouble.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The freedom we are looking for
is the freedom to be ourselves,
to express ourselves. But if we look at our lives
we will see that most of the time
we do things just to please others ...
The worst part is that most of us
are not even aware that we are not free.
- Don Miguel Ruiz

I don't know the key to success,
but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.
- Bill Cosby

If one oversteps the bounds of moderation,
the greatest pleasures cease to please.
- Epictetus

It is the quality of our work which will please God
and not the quantity.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The Moon Cannot Be Stolen:
A thief entered the little hut of a Zen Master,
but discovered there was nothing to steal.
The Zen Master discovered the thief.
"You have come a long way to visit me," he told the prowler,
"and you should not return empty-handed.
Please take my clothes as a gift."
The thief was bewildered,
but he took the clothes and slunk away.
The Zen Master sat naked, watching the moon.
"Poor fellow," he mused,
"I wish I could have given him this beautiful moon."
- Traditional Zen Koan

Please know that I am aware of the hazards.
I want to do it because I want to do it.
Women must try to do things as men have tried.
When they fail, their failure must be a challenge to others.
- Amelia Earhart

I have no dress except the one I wear every day.
If you are going to be kind enough to give me one,
please let it be practical and dark
so that I can put it on afterwards to go to the laboratory.
- Marie Curie

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon

If I try to be like him, who will be like me?
- Yiddish proverb

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous

The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields

Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden

There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi

The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken

Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice
at the end of the day, saying,
"I will try again tomorrow."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

If you want to make enemies,
try to change something.
- Woodrow Wilson

Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain

I believe totally in a Capitalist System,
I only wish that someone would try it.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Try a new perspective on diversity.
Across the country and around the world,
we are all one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Move out of your comfort zone. You can only
grow if you are willing to feel awkward and
uncomfortable when you try something new.
- Brian Tracy

I make it a policy to try never to
make a complete idiot of myself twice in the same way.
After all, there's always all kinds of new ways
to make a complete idiot of myself.
Why repeat the old ones?
- Margot Dalton

Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations.
I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty,
believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.
- Louisa May Alcott

By letting it go it all gets done.
The world is won by those who let it go.
But when you try and try.
The world is beyond the winning.
- Lao Tzu

Life is a gift, and I try to respond with grace and courtesy.
- Maya Angelou

Do or do not, there is no try.
- Jedi Master Yoda in Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

Never say goodbye when you still want to try,
never give up when you still feel you can't take it.
Never say you don't love the person anymore
when you can't let go.
- Anonymous

What old people say you cannot do,
you try and find that you can.
Old deeds for old people, and new deeds for new.
- Henry David Thoreau

If being good isn't working - try being outrageous.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

You may be disappointed if you fail,
but you are doomed if you don't try.
- Beverly Sills

I have nothing new to teach the world.
Truth and Non-violence are as old as the hills.
All I have done is to try experiments
in both on as vast a scale as I could.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

This bright new year is given me
To live each day with zest
To daily grow and try to be
My highest and my best.
- William Arthur Ward

We cause ourselves untold misery whenever we believe
others to be imperfect and try to change them.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Be - don't try to become.
Being is enlightenment, becoming is ignorance.
- Osho

If you want reality to be different than it is,
you might as well try to teach a cat to bark.
- Byron Katie

When we try to pick out anything by itself,
we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.
- John Muir

When all else fails, try thinking.
- Anonymous

If at first you don't succeed, try try again.
- Proverb

God doesn't require us to succeed;
He only requires that you try.
- Mother Teresa

The happiness of one's own heart alone
cannot satisfy the soul;
one must try to include,
as necessary to one's own happiness,
the happiness of others.
- Paramahansa Yogananda

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions.
Small people always do that,
but the really great make you feel that
you, too, can become great.
- Mark Twain

When you keep getting the wrong answers,
try asking better questions.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I try to give to the poor people for love
what the rich could get for money.
No, I wouldn't touch a leper for a thousand pounds;
yet I willingly cure him for the love of God.
- Mother Teresa

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up.
The most certain way to succeed
is always to try just one more time.
- Thomas A. Edison

Do not wish to be anything but what you are,
and try to be that perfectly.
- St. Francis De Sales

Unless you try to do something
beyond what you have already mastered,
you will never grow.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Don't try to manage people;
You manage things; You lead people.
- Grace Hopper

Let everyone try and find that
as a result of daily prayer
he adds something new to his life,
something with which nothing can be compared.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Women must try to do things as men have tried.
When they fail their failure must be
but a challenge to others.
- Amelia Earhart

"Good morning!" he said at last.
"We don't want any adventures here, thank you!
You might try over The Hill or across The Water."
- J. R. R. Tolkien

There are many ways to be free. One of them is to transcend
reality by imagination, as I try to do.
- Anais Nin

He who is persistent will realize God.
So try your best to make meditation
a regular experience in your life.
- Paramahansa Yogananda

Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
- Samuel Beckett

It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life,
that no man can sincerely try
to help another without helping himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

If we screw it up, start over. Try something else.
- Lee Iacocca

The best way to cheer yourself
is to try to cheer someone else up.
- Mark Twain

Try not to become a man of success,
but rather try to become a man of value.
- Albert Einstein

Breaking up is a natural evolution
when you try to figure out what you want in life.
If you're with an individual
who isn't moving in the same direction
and at the same rate that you are,
it ain't going to work.
- Usher Raymond

History is a relentless master.
It has no present, only the past rushing into the future.
To try to hold fast is to be swept aside.
- John F. Kennedy


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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