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Let these funny Salutary Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
False facts are highly injurious to the progress of science,
for they often endure long; but false views,
if supported by some evidence, do little harm,
for every one takes a salutary pleasure in proving their falseness.
- Charles Darwin
Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz
The urge to save humanity is almost always
a false front for the urge to rule.
- H. L. Mencken
Religion is regarded by the common people as true,
by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
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God has given you one face, and you make yourself another.
- William Shakespeare
FEAR is an acronym in the English language
for "False Evidence Appearing Real."
- Neale Donald Walsch
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
- William Shakespeare
FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real.
- Neale Donald Walsch
Knowledge is happiness, because to have knowledge -
broad, deep knowledge - is to know true ends from false,
and lofty things from low.
- Helen Keller
It is always better to have no ideas than false ones;
to believe nothing, than to believe what is wrong.
- Thomas Jefferson
The false can never grow into truth by growing in power.
- Rabindranath Tagore
False words are not only evil in themselves,
but they infect the soul with evil.
- Socrates
Beware of false knowledge;
it is more dangerous than ignorance.
- George Bernard Shaw
I thought then, and I think now, that the invasion of Iraq
was unnecessary and unjust.
And I think the premises on which it was launched were false.
- Jimmy Carter
It is utterly false and cruelly arbitrary
to put all the play and learning into childhood,
all the work into middle age,
and all the regrets into old age.
- Margaret Mead
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement.
But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
- Niels Bohr
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
- William Shakespeare
There are trivial truths and there are great truths.
The opposite of a trivial truth is plainly false.
The opposite of a great truth is also true.
- Niels Bohr
Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
- Alfred, Lord Tennyson
I think and think for months and years.
Ninety-nine times, the conclusion is false.
The hundredth time I am right.
- Albert Einstein
Constant development is the law of life,
and a man who always tries to maintain his dogmas
in order to appear consistent
drives himself into a false position.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;
How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim Soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;
And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.
- William Butler Yeats
I am persuaded that the world has been tricked into adopting
some false and most pernicious notions about consistency -
and to such a degree that the average man has
turned the rights and wrongs of things entirely around
and is proud to be "consistent," unchanging, immovable, fossilized,
where it should be his humiliation.
- Mark Twain
"Mother Teresa Prayer"
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
... Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you
of selfish, ulterior motives;
... Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some
false friends and some true enemies;
... Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
... Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
... Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
... Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
... Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
... Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.
We can do no great things - only small things with great love.
- although commonly attributed to Mother Teresa,
who kept a copy of this prayer on
the wall of her Calcutta orphanage,
this prayer was actually written by Kent Keith.
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
The final delusion is the belief
that one has lost all delusions.
- Maurice Chapelain
It is amazing how complete is the delusion
that beauty is goodness.
- Leo Tolstoy
A person experiences life as
something separated from the rest -
a kind of optical delusion of consciousness.
Our task must be to free ourselves
from this self-imposed prison,
and through compassion,
to find the reality of Oneness.
- Albert Einstein
Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
I personally think we developed language
because of our deep need to complain.
- Lily Tomlin
If the facts don't fit the theory,
change the facts.
- Albert Einstein
What we think, we become.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world.
- The Buddha
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor
Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
If you can't annoy somebody with what you write,
I think there's little point in writing.
- Kingsley Amis
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov
What do I think of Western civilization?
I think it would be a very good idea.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
If it turns out that there IS a God,
I don't think that he's evil.
I think that the worst you can say about him
is that basically he's an underachiever.
- the movie Love and Death
I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner
Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
- Erica Jong
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
Always speak the truth,
think before you speak,
and write it down afterwards.
- Lewis Carroll
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin
The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot.
Some days I get more out of the New York Times.
- John F. Kennedy
Really I feel less keen about the Army every day.
I think the Church would suit me better.
- Winston Churchill
Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller
I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin
Life does not consist mainly,
or even largely, of facts or happenings.
It consist mainly of the storm of thoughts
that is forever flowing through one's head.
- Mark Twain
People should think things out fresh
and not just accept conventional terms
and the conventional way of doing things.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
I used to go away for weeks in a state of confusion.
- Albert Einstein
Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller
The function of education is to teach one
to think intensively and to think critically.
Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
The most pathetic person in the world
is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
- Helen Keller
Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.