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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Proving Quotes
Funny Quotes about Proving

Let these funny Proving Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

False facts are highly injurious to the progress of science,
for they often endure long; but false views,
if supported by some evidence, do little harm,
for every one takes a salutary pleasure in proving their falseness.
- Charles Darwin

A bank is a place that will lend you money
if you can prove that you don't need it.
- Bob Hope

I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard


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There was a time when a man was so convinced
that the world was round
that he was determined to prove it.
- Ernest Holmes

The free world must not prove itself worthy of its own past.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

There has to be evil so that
good can prove its purity above it.
- The Buddha


 

There comes a time when the mind
takes a higher plane of knowledge
but can never prove how it got there.
- Albert Einstein

No amount of experimentation can ever prove me right;
a single experiment can prove me wrong.
- Albert Einstein

Honor bespeaks worth. Confidence begets trust.
Service brings satisfaction.
Cooperation proves the quality of leadership.
- James Cash Penney

A witty saying proves nothing.
- Voltaire

Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink.
I needn't argue with that; I'm right and I will be proved right.
We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first - rock and roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon

If you do something once,
people will call it an accident.
If you do it twice, t
hey call it a coincidence.
But do it a third time, and
you've just proven a natural law.
- Grace Hopper

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin

Of all the things that could frighten you,
you worry about my driving?
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous

Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2

I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors

Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2

When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain

When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton

Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)

You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain

Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman

Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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