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Let these funny Thomas Szasz Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
It is amazing how complete is the delusion
that beauty is goodness.
- Leo Tolstoy
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The final delusion is the belief
that one has lost all delusions.
- Maurice Chapelain
A person experiences life as
something separated from the rest -
a kind of optical delusion of consciousness.
Our task must be to free ourselves
from this self-imposed prison,
and through compassion,
to find the reality of Oneness.
- Albert Einstein
Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer 
If the facts don't fit the theory,
change the facts.
- Albert Einstein
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
What we think, we become.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world.
- The Buddha
I personally think we developed language
because of our deep need to complain.
- Lily Tomlin
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Always speak the truth,
think before you speak,
and write it down afterwards.
- Lewis Carroll
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
If it turns out that there IS a God,
I don't think that he's evil.
I think that the worst you can say about him
is that basically he's an underachiever.
- the movie Love and Death
I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot.
Some days I get more out of the New York Times.
- John F. Kennedy
People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov
I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
Really I feel less keen about the Army every day.
I think the Church would suit me better.
- Winston Churchill
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
If you can't annoy somebody with what you write,
I think there's little point in writing.
- Kingsley Amis
Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor
Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin
Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller
Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
- Erica Jong
What do I think of Western civilization?
I think it would be a very good idea.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
The function of education is to teach one
to think intensively and to think critically.
Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
I used to go away for weeks in a state of confusion.
- Albert Einstein
You know that place between sleeping and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I'll always think of you.
- James M. Barrie
The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Curiosity has its own reason for existing.
- Albert Einstein
People should think things out fresh
and not just accept conventional terms
and the conventional way of doing things.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
Anyone who knows history, particularly
the history of Europe, will, I think,
recognize that the domination
of education or of government
by any one particular religious faith
is never a happy arrangement for the people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are,
or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.
It is what you think about.
- Dale Carnegie
Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller
No written law has ever been more binding
than unwritten custom supported by popular opinion.
- Carrie Chapman Catt
I don't think of all the misery
but of the beauty that still remains.
- Anne Frank
Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives.
I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends
and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that.
That's what's insane about it.
- John Lennon
To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu
Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Life does not consist mainly,
or even largely, of facts or happenings.
It consist mainly of the storm of thoughts
that is forever flowing through one's head.
- Mark Twain
The most pathetic person in the world
is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
- Helen Keller
Inspire people to do things for themselves.
Inspire people to think for themselves.
- Bono
The simplest questions are the most profound.
Where were you born?
Where is your home?
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
Think about these once in a while
and watch your answers change.
- Richard Bach
Think for yourself and question authority.
- Timothy Leary
We must dare to think "unthinkable" thoughts.
- J. W. Fulbright
Everything we say, do, think, and feel
is a product of our personal history
and the collective history of humankind.
Our name for these histories is "prejudice."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All truths are easy to understand
once they are discovered;
the point is to discover them.
- Galileo Galilei
Suffering is everywhere. Don't ever think it isn't.
So are miracles. Don't ever think they aren't.
- Jewel
We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor
We shall require a substantially
new manner of thinking
if mankind is to survive.
- Albert Einstein
I seldom think about my limitations,
and they never make me sad.
Perhaps there is just a touch of yearning at times;
but it is vague, like a breeze among flowers.
- Helen Keller
I simply can't build my hopes on a foundation
of confusion, misery and death...
I think... peace and tranquillity will return again.
- Anne Frank
The most important things in life
are seldom the most obvious.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To kill an error is as good a service as,
and sometimes even better than,
the establishing of a new truth or fact.
- Charles Darwin
The world is more malleable than you think
and it's waiting for you to hammer it into shape.
- Bono
Our brain is the factory of the emotions
- don Miguel Ruiz
Few is the number of those
who think with their own mind
and feel with their own heart.
- Albert Einstein
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.