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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Oneself Quotes
Funny Quotes about Oneself

Let these funny Oneself Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein

I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

Testing oneself is best when done alone.
- Jimmy Carter


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A quotation is a handy thing to have about,
saving one the trouble of thinking for oneself.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Sometimes, indeed, there is such a discrepancy
between the genius and his human qualities
that one has to ask oneself whether
a little less talent might not have been better.
- Carl Jung

To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily.
Not to dare is to lose oneself.
- Soren Kierkegaard


 

When one gets angry, it is always angry AT someone -
perhaps a friend or spouse, perhaps a stranger,
perhaps the nameless "they" - "those people at the bank wronged me,"
perhaps God, or perhaps oneself.
In any case, when one gets angry,
they want to find someone to be "responsible" for what happened.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

To be oneself is a rare thing, and a great one.
- Ursula K. Le Guin

Those who are dedicated to a life of wisdom
understand that the impulse to blame
something or someone is foolishness,
that there is nothing to be gained in blaming,
whether it be others or oneself.
- Epictetus

These are the keys to a great life...
taking oneself lightly, forgiveness, and acceptance.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Violence, even well intentioned,
always rebounds upon oneself.
- Lao Tzu

To know how to free oneself is nothing;
the arduous thing is to know what to do with one's freedom.
- Andre Gide

One's own religion is after all
a matter between oneself
and one's Maker and no one else's.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Toleration is the greatest gift of the mind;
it requires the same effort of the brain
that it takes to balance oneself on a bicycle.
- Helen Keller

The acceptance of oneself is
the essence of the whole moral problem
and the epitome of a whole outlook on life.
- Carl Jung

My experience has been that work is
almost the best way to pull oneself out of the depths.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

One defeats a fanatic precisely by not being a fanatic oneself,
but on the contrary by using one's intelligence.
- George Orwell

To accuse others for one's own misfortunes
is a sign of want of education.
To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun.
To accuse neither oneself nor others
shows that one's education is complete.
- Epictetus

Don't aim at success.
The more you aim at it and make it a target,
the more you are going to miss it.
For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued;
it must ensue, and it only does so as
the unintended side effect of one's personal dedication
to a cause greater than oneself.
- Viktor E. Frankl

If you are disabled, it is probably not your fault,
but it is no good blaming the world or expecting it to take pity on you.
One has to have a positive attitude
and must make the best of the situation that one finds oneself in.
If one is physically disabled,
one cannot afford to be psychologically disabled as well.
- Stephen Hawking

When you are alone you are not alone,
you are simply lonely -
and there is a tremendous difference
between loneliness and aloneness.
When you are lonely you are thinking of the other,
you are missing the other.
Loneliness is a negative state.
You are feeling that it would have been
better if the other were there -
your friend, your wife, your mother,
your beloved, your husband.
It would have been good if the other
were there, but the other is not.
Loneliness is absence of the other.
Aloneness is the presence of oneself.
Aloneness is very positive.
It is a presence, overflowing presence.
You are so full of presence
that you can fill the whole universe
with your presence and there is no need for anybody.
- Osho

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous

Politics is almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous.
In war you can only be killed once, but in politics many times.
- Winston Churchill

It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France

Nothing in life is to be feared.
It is only to be understood.
- Marie Curie

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

Boys will be boys. And even that wouldn't matter
if only we could prevent girls from being girls.
- Anne Frank

A doctor can bury his mistakes
but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Magic is natural to Wizards,
and only a little harder for the rest of us.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I believe totally in a Capitalist System,
I only wish that someone would try it.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

If you want total security, go to prison.
There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on.
The only thing lacking... is freedom.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin

There is no such thing as public opinion.
There is only published opinion.
- Winston Churchill

The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller

There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll

Money is better than poverty,
if only for financial reasons.
- Woody Allen

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
- Albert Einstein

Only dead fish swim with the stream.
- Anonymous

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban

Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.
- African Proverb

The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Things may come to those who wait,
but only the things left by those who hustle.
- Abraham Lincoln

The claim "I was only following orders" has been used
to justify too many tragedies in our history.
- Captain Picard of the television series
STAR TREK: The Next Generation

Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham

The attempt to combine wisdom and power
has only rarely been successful and then only for a short while.
- Albert Einstein

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel

The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

Advertisements contain the only truths
to be relied on in a newspaper.
- Thomas Jefferson

Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates

Majority rule only works if you're also
considering individual rights,
because you can't have five wolves and one sheep
voting on what to have for dinner.
- Larry Flynt

There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein

You're only here for a short visit.
Don't hurry. Don't worry.
And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.
- Walter Hagen

Miracles are the natural way of the Universe -
our only job is to move our doubting minds aside
and let the miracles flow.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Darkness cannot drive out darkness;
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate;
only love can do that.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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