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Let these funny Lotus Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Drop guilt! - because to be guilty is to live in hell.
Not being guilty, you will have the freshness
of dewdrops in the early morning sun,
you will have the freshness of lotus petals in the lake,
you will have the freshness of the stars in the night.
Once guilt disappears you will have
a totally different kind of life, luminous and radiant.
You will have a dance to your feet
and your heart will be singing a thousand and one songs.
- Osho
In one drop of water are found all the secrets of all the oceans.
- Khalil Gibran
Some years ago I became president of Columbia University
and learned within 24 hours to be ready
to speak at the drop of a hat,
and I learned something more, the trustees were expected
to be ready to speak at the passing of the hat.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Individually, we are one drop.
Together, we are an ocean.
- Ryunosuke Satoro
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Drop the sword - for there is but one flesh to wound,
and it is the one flesh of all humankind.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A jug fills drop by drop.
- The Buddha
If you may count every drop of water in the ocean and
count every grain of sand in the sea -
multiply it by a thousand and that's how much I love you.
- George of Langkloof
We ourselves feel that what we are doing
is just a drop in the ocean.
But the ocean would be less
because of that missing drop.
- Mother Teresa
Zen says that if you drop knowledge -
and within knowledge everything is included;
your name, your identity, everything,
because this has been given to you by others -
if you drop all that has been given by others,
you will have a totally different quality to your being: innocence.
This will be a crucifixion of the persona, the personality,
and there will be a resurrection of your innocence.
You will become a child again, reborn.
- Osho
In this world, the greatest courage is to drop the mind aside.
The bravest man is who can see the world
without the barrier of the mind, just as it is.
It is tremendously different, utterly beautiful.
There is nobody who is inferior and there is nobody who is superior -
there are no distinctions.
- Osho
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous
She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
That's the secret to life . . .
replace one worry with another.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller
The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin
We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins
The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard
The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde
Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns
to be amused rather than shocked.
- Pearl S. Buck
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde
The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde
Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher
My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken
When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.