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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Present Quotes
Funny Quotes about Present

Let these funny Present Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
- Bill Cosby

Your greatest gift to your family and friends is yourself -
your relaxed, happy, and fully-present self.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We are not held back by the love we didn't receive in the past,
but by the love we're not extending in the present.
- Marianne Williamson


 

Forgiveness ... is the finishing of old business
that allows us to experience the present,
free of contamination from the past.
- Joan Borysenko

"I" is a non-stop storyteller, spinning tales
of the past, the present and the future -
constantly editing, interpreting
and directing this inner movie.
- Josh Baran

I Receive ALL of Life with Thanksgiving -
I have gratitude for EVERYTHING
that has ever occurred to bring me to this moment.
I give thanks for the joys and the sufferings,
the moments of peace and the flashes of anger,
the compassion and the indifference,
the roar of my courage and the cold sweat of my fear.
I accept gratefully the entirety of my past and my present life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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You can't change the past,
but you can ruin the present
by worrying about the future.
- Anonymous

The ability to be in the present moment
is a major component of mental wellness.
- Abraham Maslow

If we open a quarrel between past and present,
we shall find that we have lost the future.
- Winston Churchill

I do not want to foresee the future.
I am concerned with taking care of the present.
God has given me no control over the moment following.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The distinction between the past, present and future
is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.
- Albert Einstein

It is a mark of soulfulness to be present in the here and now.
When we are present, we are not fabricating inner movies.
We are seeing what is before us.
- John Bradshaw

Beauty is the first present nature gives to women and the first it takes away.
- Fay Weldon

For time and the world do not stand still.
Change is the law of life.
And those who look only to the past or the present
are certain to miss the future.
- John F. Kennedy

I choose to live my life in the present, with consciousness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Peace and abstinence from European interferences are our objects,
and so will continue while the present
order of things in America remain uninterrupted.
- Thomas Jefferson

The importance of money flows from it being a link
between the present and the future.
- John Maynard Keynes

As in geology, so in social institutions,
we may discover the causes of all past changes
in the present invariable order of society.
- Henry David Thoreau

Do not dwell in the past,
do not dream of the future,
concentrate the mind on the present moment.
- The Buddha

The present is the ever moving shadow
that divides yesterday from tomorrow.
In that lies hope.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Yesterday is history,
tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That is why it is called Present.
- Anonymous

When we come into the present,
we begin to feel the life around us again,
but we also encounter whatever we have been avoiding.
We must have the courage to face whatever is present -
our pain, our desires, our grief,
our loss, our secret hopes our love -
everything that moves us most deeply.
- Jack Kornfield

Happiness is not something you postpone for the future;
it is something you design for the present.
- Jim Rohn

The past has no power over the present moment.
- Eckhart Tolle

I think this is what hooks one to gardening:
it is the closest one can come to being present at creation.
- Phyllis Theroux

My biggest hero, Gregory Peck, was my birthday present on April 14,
1973.
I just sat and stared at him.
- Loretta Lynn

I accept gratefully the entirety of my past and my present life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The present is a point just passed.
- David Russell

One of the illusions of life is that the present hour
is not the critical, decisive hour.
Write it on your heart that
every day is the best day in the year.
No man has learned anything rightly,
until he knows that every day is Doomsday.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

In rivers, the water that you touch
is the last of what has passed
and the first of that which comes;
so with present time.
- Leonardo da Vinci

Whenever you are angry, be assured that
it is not only a present evil,
but that you have increased a habit.
- Epictetus

We live in a moment of history where change is so speeded
up that we begin to see the present only when it is already disappearing.
- R. D. Laing

You must live in the present,
launch yourself on every wave,
find your eternity in each moment.
- Henry David Thoreau

Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go;
they merely determine where you start.
- Nido Qubein

Mothers don't let your daughters grow up to be models unless you're present.
- Janice Dickinson

History is a relentless master.
It has no present, only the past rushing into the future.
To try to hold fast is to be swept aside.
- John F. Kennedy

Lighten up! Slow down the shopping.
Your greatest gift to your family and friends is yourself -
your relaxed, happy, and fully-present self.
Consider gifting hand-made cards with messages
of true appreciation in place of store-bought presents.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Change is the law of life.
And those who look only to the past or the present
are certain to miss the future.
- John F. Kennedy

In 1993 my birthday present was a star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame.
- Annette Funicello

Stop wishing and fearing the future
long enough to be fully present in TODAY.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Who controls the past controls the future.
Who controls the present controls the past.
- George Orwell

He who spends time regretting the past,
loses the present and risks the future.
- Quevedo

A gift, with a kind countenance, is a double present.
- Thomas Fuller

A friend is a present you give yourself.
- Robert Louis Stevenson

Let him who would enjoy a good future waste none of his present.
- Roger Babson

If we were to select the most intelligent,
imaginative, energetic, and emotionally stable third of mankind,
all races would be present.
- Franz Boas

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it
is like wrapping a present and not giving it.
- William Arthur Ward

America's present need is not heroics but healing;
not nostrums but normalcy; not revolution but restoration.
- Warren G. Harding

How paramount the future is to the present
when one is surrounded by children.
- Charles Darwin

Gain happiness by living in the present -
without regret for the past or fear of the future.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The secret of health for both mind and body
is not to mourn for the past,
nor to worry about the future,
but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly.
- The Buddha

Training yourself to live in the present -
without regretting the past or fearing the future -
is a recipe for a happy life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Do the small things of life with a relaxed awareness.
When you are eating, eat totally -
chew totally, taste totally, smell totally.
Touch your bread, feel the texture.
Smell the bread, smell the flavor.
Chew it, let it dissolve into your being.
- Osho

The work of art shows people new directions and thinks of the future.
The house thinks of the present.
- Adolf Loos

The heart knows nothing of the past,
nothing of the future;
it knows only of the present.
- Osho

Fill your heart with the creative power
to accept the past,
decorate the present
and transform the future.
- Osho

The mind exists in time, in fact the mind is time;
it exists in the past and the future.
And remember, time consists of only two tenses,
the past and the future.
The present is not part of time,
the present is part of eternity.
- Osho

If the present Congress errs in too much talking,
how can it be otherwise in a body to which the people
send one hundred and fifty lawyers,
whose trade it is to question everything,
yield nothing, and talk by the hour?
- Thomas Jefferson

Living in the present moment requires discretion toward memory.
Without memory we'd have amnesia. What good would there be in that?
Offer discretion and discernment for our past
with a broad spectrum of forgiveness.
As for our present moment, delight.
And dedication to remain fully present to all the possibility.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present.
The occasion is piled high with difficulty,
and we must rise with the occasion.
As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew.
- Abraham Lincoln

Imagination has brought mankind through the dark ages
to its present state of civilization.
Imagination led Columbus to discover America.
Imagination led Franklin to discover electricity.
- L. Frank Baum

In dwelling, live close to the ground.
In thinking, keep to the simple.
In conflict, be fair and generous.
In governing, don't try to control.
In work, do what you enjoy.
In family life, be completely present.
- Lao Tzu

The essence of all religions is One.
Surrender is the main duty of everyone.
Surrender means the feeling of oneness,
I and God are One. Why?
The reason is that the One
who is present in you is present in me.
- Sri Sathya Sai Baba

I have become my own version of an optimist.
If I can't make it through one door,
I'll go through another door - or I'll make a door.
Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
- Rabindranath Tagore

It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird:
it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to
fly while remaining an egg.
We are like eggs at present.
And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary,
decent egg.
We must be hatched or go bad.
- C. S. Lewis

Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded.
It's a relationship between equals.
Only when we know our own darkness well
can we be present with the darkness of others.
Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.
- Pema Chodron

Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain
of disappointment from the realm of hope.
- Ambrose Bierce

The few men who possess the wealth of the material
things of the earth at the present time are not truly happy.
- Joseph Franklin Rutherford

The reason we want to go on and on is because we live
in an impoverished present.
- Alan Watts

The object of all the former voyages to the South Seas
undertaken by the command of his present majesty,
has been the advancement of science and the increase of knowledge.
- William Bligh


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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